I met Mrs. Rimshot in college, and we’ve been together ever since - 21 years now. So, no history of singles bar trolling or grocery store date-hunting in my past. I’ve never tried a line on somebody, or had one used on me (that I’m aware of).
So give me a vicarious thrill. Tell me about the pickup line(s) you’ve *actually * used, that worked for you; or one that worked *on * you.
Maybe I’ll try one on Mrs. Rimshot tonight . . . 
Well I’m 21 and single, so I have plenty of experience on this issue. 
The pickup line I always use when I see a hottie: “Hey girl, what’s your name?” Followed by about 2 minutes of lite conversation. Followed by the most crucial pickup line in the world, “What’s your number?”
I know you were probably looking for a more creative response, but this is what I use, and it works. It seems that the more cheezy pickup lines turn women off instead of on.
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for Sodomite Propagandists anymore!
My senior year of high school, I started a torrid romance with a girl who started school mid-semester. She looked absolutely terrified to be in my math class…
“You look like you could use a friend. My name is VunderBob, and here I am.”
One that has worked quite well for me is something I jacked from, of all places, the movie ‘Night at the Roxbury’. In the movie Chaz Palmenteri (or however you spell his name) asks everyone this question, whether they are across the room or right next to him. It’s comic gold.
In action, it works surprisingly well. A hottie walks by. “Hey! Did you just grab my ass?”. Now, there are 3 likely responses (with sub-meanings depending on tone). Not only does this move get their attention, but it also forces them to reveal what type of person they are to some extent. Likely responses:
No, I didn’t. (mad)
If they say no with clear disgust, anger, or disdain, then they probably aren’t attracted to you (and in my book they need to lighten up as well, which makes me less interested in them anyway). You can retreat if you like at this point, blaming the whole thing on a line from an obscure movie. Now you can possibly start a conversation about movies or cheesey lines, so even if you disgust them at first you may be able to dig yourself out.
No, I didn’t. (playful)
If they say no with a laugh, or in a flirtatious manner, or with a smile, then you can play the gimmic for all it’s worth. “You didn’t grab my ass, huh? It’s OK if you did, just admit that you did. . . . If it wasn’t you, who was it? . . . There’s nothing wrong with grabbing my ass, you shouldn’t be embarrased. . . . All right, fine, play it that way, but I’ve got my eye on you.” It’s funny, it get’s you talking about the physical, and it points out that you notice them. You can bring up the fact that it is from a movie eventually here as well. In my experience, I am the only person who has ever seen that movie, so I often end up explaining.
Yes, I did.
If you get this answer, you’ve found yourself a keeper. Here is a girl who confesses to grabbing your ass when no ass was grabbed. Here is a girl who understands that “Never Deny” is one of the best ways to converse with people. Here is a girl who you can play with, one who is adventurous, and one who now owes you a chance to grab her ass. Fair is fair after all.
Another line that has gotten me laid many, many times is in regards to a certain necklace I have that is made from the Candle Nut tree. My necklace is made of well shellacked nuts that shine when polished. Many a girl has come up and grabbed my necklace in her hands. She has effectively grabbed my ‘nuts’, so I reach down and grab her ass. Again, fair is fair (I don’t want to hear anything about how her ass grab was imaginary or how her nut grab was metaphorical while my ass grabs are just lewd. That’s not how it works. Ask karma. . .)
One line that ended up with me in a two-year relationship: “Nice skirt, it reminds me of Catholic School”. A compliment on their attire is usually a winner. Great shoes, nice dress, dope skirt, killer hat, nice tattoo, helluva breast job, etc. . . You should have a reason ready why you like whatever you are complimenting, so as not to seem like you’re throwing out a hollow compliment. Once you’ve broken the ice and have their attention, it is really easy to slip into “mindless, boring, getting-to-know-you chit-chat”. I have memorized the following paragraph from ‘True Romance’. I use it when the conversation is getting stale/standard. I ask the questions all at once - rapid fire stylee, and then make a joke: Once we get these questions out of the way we should be good to make out (or go back to my place . . . actually, make it her place).
Once the ice is broken it is important to listen for clues about her interests. Listen, listen, listen. Talk about her more than yourself. Use innuendo to the point of being flirty and fun without going so far as to be crass. It’s a fine line.
Once you are actually dating and sleeping together, then it’s time to treat them like shit if you want to keep them. Not because you want to, but because it’s what they (about 98% of 'em anyway) want: Drama, abuse (verbal - I would never advocate violence), unhealthy relationships, and bad boy types. If you don’t feed this need they will most likely cheat on you or leave you. The good-on-paper guys always get left for the broke biker types according to Carrie on Sex & the City. The trick is to treat them this way not out of animosity or bitterness, but out of love. You give them what they want because you love them enough to do whatever it takes to keep them. My rock solid justification for this philosophy was not enough to prevent a dear female friend of mine from saying “I’d love to meet the woman who fucked you up.” Ha. Ha. Don’t hate the Player, hate the game. Bitch. But that’s what I love about her. . .
DaLovin’ Dj
Until I read this part I thought your post was kind of cute. Now I just think you are a cold, calculating, unloving man who manipulates people into behaving the way he wants. And you call it love! Hah!
I actually hate the whole “player” philosophy, although I hate to call it a philosophy because it is so utterly self-serving. God forbid any one of those poor deluded men actually fall in love with the women they are trying to use. Then they might actually find out what it means to have a soul.
Oh, and my favorite pick-up line: “I’ll drive you home.” Then, when we are on our way, say “Are you really that tired? Let’s go somewhere else.”
Pick-up lines only work if the woman in question has never heard the line before. The one that has worked the best for me is to walk up, take her by the hand, and say “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.” I flat GAR-AN-TEE she has never heard a man say that to her before! 
Fair enough. I think you are way off the mark, but I can see how it might look that way. Let me see if I can ‘fields’ me some of these Elysian issues . . .
I would much prefer that what I said wasn’t true. If it were up to me the world would work like a Meg Ryan movie; sweet words, good intentions, honesty, loyalty, chivalry, and calling when you say you will would be the best ways to maintain and develop a relationship. At first, when I was much younger, that is how I would play it. Then, time after time, the girls would end up with the bad boy type. They’d end up sleeping with someone who treats them terribly, and telling me how sweet I was (while not sleeping with me). I wasn’t getting laid. Then, I had a few philosphical conversations with some older friends. They told me some of the secrets. I tried it, and I have been lucky in love ever since. One approach works and one doesn’t. The one that works is not the one that I wish worked, but I don’t make the rules - the best I can hope to do is figure them out and adapt.
I used to be so disgusted by the make-up-break-up-make-back-up, always fighting type of couples. Then I started dating a girl who was really into drama. She loved to push my buttons and get me mad. We’d argue, then she loved to make up with great sex. The whole gambit of emotions was a turn-on to her. She liked the conflict, she liked pushing me to insult and fight with her, and then she liked making up afterwords. I was conflicted. Here I was in the type of relationship I had always mocked. Then I saw the movie Secretary. A brilliant film (spoilers coming), in which a girl who has a history of self-wounding is released from an institution for the mentally ill. She gets a job as a Secretary for a lawyer who has a fetish for inflicting humiliation. At first one gets the impression that the lawyer is a ‘cold, calculating, unloving man who manipulates people into behaving the way he wants’. You think to yourself, “This bastard, taking advantage of this sick woman.” But by the time the movie is over, it is revealed that the two are a perfect match. They find true love and I always cry at the end of that movie. It turns out she is exactly what he needs, and he is the same to her.
My point is that I no longer think that there are good or bad relationships per se. There is no ideal way to treat women based on some generic ideal that ends with a mariage, 2.5 kids, a lake house and a mini-van. Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes. If someone gets turned on by conflict, what’s wrong with that? I do not hate women. I don’t find the common propensity to seek out relationships with conflict to be an indicator of any type of flaw, or a reason to consider one person of lesser worth than another. Rather, I recognise it as an unchangeable factor in many people. So if I meet someone who seems to be ths type of person, and I am interested, than how is giving them what they want a bad thing? If my choice is between not having a relationship with someone who turns me on, or acting like a “player”, then I’m going to slip into the role - not for me (I want movie love, ideally) - but for them.
I can see how this attitude may seem contradictory, but if you think about it, it does make sense. I act from love, but sometimes agression and apathy are tools necessary to keep the love flowing. I have learned this, and if using that knowledge makes me a bad person, then oh well. I love women. The women in my life have made my life better time after time. I ‘play’ because they want me to, not because I hate them. And to those ladies out there who aren’t like this, the (some say mythical) 2-percenters, I hope I find one of you some day. So far all the women I have dated love the drama. I’ve lost faith in the two percent, but hope springs eternal. In the meantime I’ve gotta go with what works because I like a nice warm body to curl up to at night. And cute as my cat is, it just isn’t the same. . .
DaLovin’ Dj
“So, is your friend single? Whats her name?” has worked.
“I was certain you were gay. Are you just putting me on, or what?” used once, worked. Actually, I feel it was not a “line” because I really thought she was gay. She later claimed it was a line. I think a line can also be a statememnt of fact.
“Look, I don’t like you. You don’t like me. But right now I really want to fuck you. Since already dislike each other, I don’t see any possible harm. How about it?” Worked once. Angry sex rawks!
“I’m really not interested in a girlfriend. It’s not you, I’m just a big kid. But I AM attracted to you, and I get the impression it’s mutual. So, how about it?” worked.
Not to say I have not used lines that failed to work, but I’m not really a fast mover, I generally wait for some pretty overt signs (In the case of the ex I thought was gay, the sign was her at my door in a nightgown at 2am mad because I left her apt w/o making out with her.). I think a person with half a brain and a little empathy can use truth and lines effectively.
The only line I recall ever being used on me was: “Can I befriend you?” And he did. He was my first boyfriend. It’s 30 years later and we’re each married to others, haven’t seen each other since 1975, but we met up again on line, and he remembers the line as well as I do.
And we’ll be seeing each other again this summer as he and his wife travel cross country…
“Hi” works decently well. I don’t recall exactly what it was I said to fizzy back a year and a half ago, but it was something like that.
Had I done as dalovindj suggested, my ass would not (still) be engaged to her. Con resultat, I would have a reason to use pick-up lines instead of being in a situation where I simply don’t need them.
YMMV.
Has anybody ever told you you look just like Jesus Christ?
[SIZE=2]It worked. But later I wished it hadn’t.[/SIZE]
“Does this rag smell like ether?”
The hard part is getting rid of the body when you are done.
C-Bob, you’re one sick puppy. I like that in a person!
It’s all just theory, really. There is great debate over the percentages and one’s opinion on the exact numer will often vary and swing greatly (usually based on how well their SO is treating them at the time). I’ve seen 98% advocates swing to .02%, and many 55% thinking individuals will swing up into the 90s (or 100% in the case of some particularly nasty divorces).
A funny thing is that the cat-and-mouse game/power strugle can be sexy. And you can get a taste for it with the right person. It almost makes other relationships seem dull. But when two people who have a taste for that chess-like game in and out of the sheets, finding each others peeves and turn ons, using knowledge to make each other crazy, and then releasing that energy passionately, it can be a bit addictive. It’s all fun to me . . .
DaLovin’ Dj
And I, too, hope you end up someday with the “other 2%,” as you say, dj. Personally I think we are a higher percentage than that. Perhaps you only end up with the women who like that because you seek them out?
Stable people who want real love and no drama tend to gravitate to those who do too. Or at least in my experience. If someone treated me like shit, my next words would be “It’s too bad, I really liked you,” and they would see nothing more of me. That really happened, once.
Sorry about the highjack, rimshot!
I found “If I get a strike will you go out with me?” worked. I didn’t get the strike but I did get the girl :). Year and a half later we are still together.
Oh, and DJ, I think you will find that the 2% you refer to is significantly larger than that, at least on the female side. I have seen quite a few girls who cry and cry because a bloke acts like you do. You may think you are doing them a favour, but most girls don’t think that.
Speaking of puppies, no woman can resist a cute cuddly wittle puppy wuppy.
9lb Brown lab puppy on one leash, 90lb slobbery basset hound on the other. Puppy waddles some distance, takes a break. Fine with basset hound. Walk a few more feet, puppy gets tired, takes a nap.
Hot chick sees puppy, looks at basset, looks at me, looks at puppy, bee-lines straight for us.
HC says can I pet your puppy? I say sure, just pet the basset too lest she get jealous.
Another Hot chick sees hot chick one, surveys the scene, sizes up HC1. Comes over and asks if she too can partake in the unconditional love.
So HC1 and HC2 are petting the dogs and the dogs are loving the attention.
Unfortunately/fortunately my mom, who owns both dogs, arrives on the scene.
HC1 and 2 go on their seprate ways.
HC1 returns again. Asks mom about the dogs. Mom chit chats then says ‘i’ll walk the basset hound over here for a bit.’
Best I could muster was “Come here often”
Got the phone number, but didnt follow through.
Nother line I used, was shocked I didnt get slapped or worse was, ‘I have some electrical tape in my backpack, wanna be a victim of a sex crime?’
“May I have this dance?” or some variation of it has been my all-time most successful come-on. Tried and true, it seldom fails to open the door to further conversation. YMMV
How to make friends and influence people…
Firstly, for the brave and the foolhardy it’s:
1)The scatter technique.
Method: Just go up to a girl and say “Fancy a shag?”
Requires: Guts + alcohol
Success chance: 5-10%
Problems: You will often get a slap in the face. Only use this technique if you are very drunk or have an embarrassment deficiency. Only works in an environment where alcohol is being consumed (or other drugs). Not good at establishing serious relationships. You will regret it in the morning.
Comments: It worked on me! 
2)The cheeseball.
Method: Recite some goofy, cheesey, guaranteed to make her cringe, line.
Requires: Wit, charm, looks, and an impeccable follow-up.
Success chance: 20%
Problems: “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me”, and a million other corny lines tend to make you look, let’s face it, bloody stupid.
Comments: If they’re not on the ball or they think you’re aesthetically pleasing and if you can follow it up with witty conversation, then you may have some luck with this. I’ve tried this once, but the girl didn’t speak english and it lost something in translation. I think she thought I was a God-Squadder with my pseudo-french gabble about angels and heaven!
3)The rescue.
Method: Get a mate to come on strong ot a girl, perhaps using the scatter technique, or a drunken slur of “Awright luv, 'ow’s about you an me go somewhere quiet”, or some other line that will get the nervous of the mate. You then come in and rescue the girl. “Is this guy bothering you?”, etc.
Requires: Wing-man that doesn’t mind rejection (although he still has a 5-10% chance of his approach working!)
Success chance: 100% so far (but perhaps I’ve been lucky)
Problems: If they meet your wing-man/mate later in your relationship it can lead to a few tetchy comments. Your mate has got to not mind looking like an idiot. This method is somewhat underhanded.
Comments: Always go out with a wing-man. If you there’s a gaggle of girls then your mate can run interference and seperate the one you want from the herd. You can appear the hero, or the martyr, or whatever when you’ve got a good mate helping you to pull.