I just wanted to say thank you to the wonderful father I encountered on the train yesterday. Every day when I get on the train I take a seat, pull out my book, and read quietly until my stop. As the train fills up I am surrounded by people and sometimes they don’t realize just how much of an impact they have on the people around them. Yesterday a young boy, probably about 9 or 10, was that person. He was standing with his father and playing fantasy basketball on an iPhone type thing and had his arm wrapped around the bar in such a way that his elbow was precariously close to my face. As he gestured wildly with his phone while asking his dad if he should trade Scotty Pippen for some other player he thrust his elbow out and caused me to flinch so I wouldn’t get hit in the eye. His father answered his question while gently reaching out and moving his elbow down and out of range of my face.
Seriously, he didn’t scold or yell at his kid. He didn’t leave his child to flail about until I either asked him to be more careful or took an elbow to the eye. He didn’t glare at me like I hurt his precious iddlekins by reacting to an unexpected elbow in my face. He just physically moved his child’s arm to a place where it wouldn’t cause any damage and continued the conversation they were having. At this point I had warm fuzzies for this guy’s parenting ability already but it just kept getting better. As his son continued to ask questions and pick a fantasy team his father turned his game into a lesson in how math applies to real life! He asked how the players were rated and what combinations would get the best score. He used a word that might have gone above the child’s head, caught himself, and said, “Do you know what I mean when I say X? That means…” and explained a whole new vocabulary word to his kid. He spent the whole train ride really focused on his son and making sure he was properly behaved and used the opportunity as an educational experience as well as a chance to bond over sports.
Usually when I encounter kids on the train they are being ignored by a parent, causing the child to scream, “Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!” or cry because they dropped their barbie under the seat or whatever. Or if they are a little older they are screaming and swinging around on the bars while their parent plugs one ear and tries to read a book while their child terrorizes the train car. This was such a wonderful experience that I wanted to compliment him right then and there but I didn’t want to interrupt his conversation with his son so I just got off the train and felt good knowing that this kid will probably grow up to be polite and well educated. So thank you again, Sir, for doing such a wonderful job with your kid.
I encountered a whiny kid on the train a couple of weeks ago, and while slightly annoying, she was too adorable for me to get worked up over.
There were two girls, one was maybe 4 or 5, the other was maybe 2 or 3. The older one was sitting in the window seat, the younger one in the aisle seat. Their mother was sitting on the hump thing between them.
Younger kid: I wanna sit next to the window! I never get to sit next to the window! It’s not fair!
Mother: You and your sister can switch seats when we get to Reservoir station.
Man, that’s the kind of dad I hope to be. Little Gedd is only 18 months right now, but he’s already given me several tests. Parenthood seems to be a lifetime of study, and you don’t get to see a glimps of how you’ve done for several years.
Did you get a chance to let the Dad know what a good job he was doing?
Seriously, any time I find a kid behaving well or a parent showing good skills, I make a point of complimenting the kid and thanking the parents. Positive reinforcement always helps.
you are lucky … monday on the flight home from germany as the plane descended into Rejkavic a little girl started whining and screaming because of the inner ear pressure not equalizing. A 4 year old child can be given a small piece of something chewable or taught how to equalize. I had the wildest urge to stand up and scream at her to stop torturing her little girl and get her to equalize instead of sitting there and ignoring her while reading a magazine. That poor little girl is going to have an absolute terror of flying now …:mad:
I chew gum when I fly, which works sometimes, but I don’t know any other way to ‘equalize’. For me, flying is agony, especially while landing, about 1/3 of the time. What is this secret technique?
I considered it but they were deep in conversation and when I’m on the train I have a hard and fast rule that I don’t involve myself in other people’s business unless they are in danger. Usually if someone compliments you on the subway it is followed by, “Do you have a dollar you can spare?” or “Haz u found Jeezuz?” so lots of people are leery of strangers talking to them on the train.
A heartfelt thank you to the burly biker dude who stood embracing his sweetie right next to my overly-excited son at the outdoor rock concert the other night. My nine-year-old ADHD-afflicted Little Glot was too animated in his enjoyment of the music to keep from bumping a few times into Mr Bikerguy. I was starting to fear I was gonna have to make use of the pathetic (and now practically forgotten) how-to-break-up-a-fight skills I’d learned as a teacher, but Biker dude didn’t even cast so much as an evil stinkeye upon my child! WOOT!
It is kind of a bummer when it seems like the good parenting moments become so rare as to be notable.
We delayed for a long time before getting serious about making our own baby because it seems that everywhere we look, children are treated as a nuisance and burden. The parents would ignore their kids or mock them, and it was depressing.
I used to go to the doctor twice a week for allergy shots and every time a parent was there with a child it would be either ignore them, mock them, or some sort of obviously stupid power struggle. Seriously, just let the kid move the beads on the toy the way they want to, don’t insist they move all the beads over to one side before they can start moving them back again. Don’t make the nurse wait while you have a power struggle with the kid over putting the toy back in the box before coming into the office, the nurse has said it’s okay to bring the toy with them, it’s what the toys are for!
The one time I saw an adult actively engaging a child and they were both having a good time, I was relieved. Finally! So there really are parents in this town who like their children! Then the (apparent) parent came out of the doctor’s office door, snapped her fingers impatiently at the child and left with her. And the woman who I had thought was the child’s parent picked up a magazine and began to read.
We were taught to “pop our ears” by yawning. Sometimes you have to wiggle your jaw a little, but it works. We weren’t flying, we were coming down the mountain from Idyllwild. Every time the car passed an elevation marker, Dad would tell us to pop our ears.
I quite often see nice, caring parents on public transport. Often I think they’re less noticeable since their children are generally NOT screaming or getting in the way.
Yesterday had a couple of moments of serious worry. There’s a family I see regularly on my commute, a mother and her two children, a girl maybe about three and a boy a little older. Yesterday I saw the little girl being carried off the train by a completely different woman, with her brother following along, tugging at his sister and shouting “Put her down!” :eek:
Thanfully a few seconds later I saw their mum walking along chatting happily to the woman and it became clear that the brother was simply a bit jealous and wanted to share the attention, rather than trying to prevent an abduction!
Goodness, I love moments like the OP described (was the kid Hispanic and wearing a red polo shirt and red Ked’s?).
I had just the opposite experience last week at the Brooklyn Public Library, using the public computer. The was a little boy about 1.5, 2 years old banging on the keyboard by the sign-up station. I didn’t see anybody around so I cautiously said to him, “You shouldn’t play with the that, it’s not a toy.” He rolled his eyes at me and continued. I was about to head over to get the librarian when this young woman (late teens to early twenties showed up (apparently she was using a computer and lost track of the kid). She vexatiously(?) started trying to pull him away. I tried to humor her and him, by saying the big, security would get him. She says to me, “It doesn’t matter, he’s just going to be a convict anyway.” In my shock, i blurted, “Please don’t say that to him, we don’t want that to happen.” She replied, “Well, it’s true.”
I realized she might have been a little tired, frustrated and used to having to deal with his rambunctiousness, but damn, talk abou deforming a self-image early.
I have a warm fuzzy of my own - in regards to children in public, this is sadly exceedingly rare. I was on the bus, a lady sat down next to me with a little guy in her lap (maybe 1.5-2 yrs?) and her older, maybe 6 year old daughter in the seat in front of us. Daughter stayed turned sideways so she could see and talk to mom. They could obviously converse normally, but had apparently used sign language to some extent when the girl was younger, because they periodically reverted to sign for a word or two here or there. The conversation was surprisingly quiet, and the youngster in mom’s lap was happy to “watch” the conversation as he could pick up on some of the signing. So peaceful compared to the screaming banshees I usually expect! It was kind of fascinating, as they used English, Spanish, and sign all in the same sentence sometimes.
I had taken my iPhone out of my bag to check something, and the girl noticed it. Her eyes got huge and it was obvious she had never seen one up close before. Mom was like, leave the lady alone, but her fascination and obvious intelligence got the better of me. Call me totally nuts, but the family seemed so awesome that I let the girl hold it and play with the touch screen until they needed to leave a couple stops later.
I told the mom in all sincerity that her children were delightful. I get to tell someone that maybe once every couple of years.
Chewing gum, swallowing, blowing ones nose, and the one I do [I have been flying since I was 3 days old, and I dive, so equalizing ears is pretty much automatic for me] stretch the muscles in the back/upper throat and the ears click and equalize. I have seen people grasp the earlobe and sort of stretch/wiggle the outer part of the ear which I assume wiggles something in the middle ear that causes it to equalize as well.
On a bus route I take regularly, I often see a young teenager (maybe 14-15 y.o.) and her father. She gets off the bus near a high school, he continues a few stops to the metro. Every time I see them, they are chatting in a friendly manner, telling jokes and when they come up to her stop, she initiates a hug good bye and tells him to have a good day. I have no reason to believe that any of this is due to “strict” religious or cultural beliefs and protocol - she has piercings, dresses in a “trendy” way and just seems like a kid who has a great relationship with her father and doesn’t mind taking the bus with him in the mornings. It makes me smile, and a little sad, because while I love my dad, we aren’t exactly close and never were!
While standing in line to check my baggage on my last trip to the UK, there was a family behind me; mother, father, and two sons age maybe 5 and 3ish. Even the oldest, I would not have made the automatic assumption that he fully knew his letters and/or had reading skills, simply because my mom taught kindergarten and grade 1 and I have a small sense of what the “average” kid can do. Anyways, as I’m waiting, the mom realises that they forgot to bring the book they’d been reading to the kids every night - and the kids were very disappointed, until the dad said they could pick up another one and that it didn’t matter, because there was lots of reading to do everywhere. At this point, he starts quizzing his kids: “do you see an “A” anywhere?” Both kids start looking around, and the older kid finds an “A” in the “AIR CANADA” logo written on the ribbon line-up divider thingy. The dad then went through all the letters, and tossed in a “B”, to which the younger kid said DAAAD, there’s no B there!. Then they started counting – how many Cs are there? How many Ds? It was just an awesome way to pass the time and teach the kids at the same time. Both parents asked age-appropriate questions so that the younger kid could answer some, and the older kid even came up with a question to ask his brother as a challenge (which the younger kid got right!). I was very impressed.
For a change in pressure from a descent hold your nose and gently blow. I fly a small unpressurized plane and descending from 10,000 feet is a guaranteed event.
We home school (unschool, actually) our daughter and the story you related would be a common site in our circle of friends. Life is learning–there is always something to learn or be taught, everywhere you go.
My child has learned more math lessons at the grocery store (practical lessons–not mysterious theories she can only regurgitate) than most kids her age learn in school.
I wish more parents realized that they can teach their children more than they will ever learn in school just by actually talking with them, explaining the world, listening to their questions and interests. I wish the actions of the father weren’t so rare they warranted a pleasantly surprised internet posting.
What was impressive was that such a young child not only knew the stops, but knew what order they were in.