Well … for the right price of course. And rank and honours. Failing to meet these requirements will see me lend my strength to the enemy you are trying to decimate.
Baloo intently gazes at a glowing screen in a darkened room. Suddenly, a red light flashes on the display and an alarm siren sounds.
Outside the control center, a multitude of tiny missiles shaped like hands holding sharp pins leap into the air on columns of fire and smoke. Large cannons fire cannisters of saber-toothed attack hamsters (each wearing a tiny helmet and parachute and shaved for streamlining) at the location from which the attack originated.
As the boob-busters begin destroying the incoming barrage, Baloo reaches under the console to the hidden stereo and cranks up Twisted Sister’s version of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” REAL LOUD!
I will run the POW camp!!! I have a secret island from which there is no escape. Bring the prisoners to me (especially Britney Spears)! I will torture her accordingly and probe them for inteligence information!! As for the rest of them, they will never sing again after I slowly rip out their tongues and perform various inhuman experiments on their starved and beaten bodies.
Evil POW camp warden, Brigadier General Bear_Nenno, SDMB reporting for duty ! ! !
errr… that should be “probe her for inteligence information”. You never know where the tricky bitch might try to hide microfilm. The rest will be thoroughly tortured in an inhumane way. (damn poor typer)
Oldscratch can use his propaganda techniques to make my hell camp of death look like a wonderful country club and we will gain sympathy from people like Bluephony and the other hippies! ! ! ! !
:: Agent 001 (Code name: Dragwyr) crawls in on hands and knees, writhing in pain from a recent volly of shrapnel from this recent attack. ::
I’m hit! I’m hit!
:: Trying to fight off unconsciousness ::
The enemy… has taken…<COUGH><COUGH>… Aruba! There are collaborators there. We… must… do… something… before…
:: Colapses to unconsciousness ::
Well because I could care less about the ‘teenie boppers’ and their music, I’m not rushing to join the war.
Now the mercenaries on the other hand offer a solid wage and usually have the best camp wenches!!!
Hey pLt: need another recruit? Only if the pay’s good of course. I’m a former secret agent with ALL the training. You can call me 000.
And I expect a fringe benefits package too.
** Hey! Hey! Hey! You just can’t show up and take my job!**
If you would like to assist me, I’d be more than willing to let you.
You can never torture a teeny-bopper too much.
<humming happily as he wires dets for the plastique into the oppositions’ amplifier outputs>
[Walks onto the field. Stands, hands on hips, and raises an amused eyebrow.]
Need any help, people?
1st Sgt., Israeli infantry. Experience with M-16, Gallil, Uzi, FN-MAG, M-203, RPG-7, LAW, .50 BMG, granades and 52&60 mm mortars, and a few other things I can’t translate.
(Beat that, soulsling!)
Are you taking on any Brit-Pop groups? 'Cause if so, I’m in.
I like this one. Alessan is in with me. Can’t say i’ve beaten that Alessan, but i sure as hell have matched it. Never did get to try the Gallil or Uzi, but the rest, piece of cake. Here’s some fun now, we need to get us some Hummers, ever ride rear side with a saw on a hummer? Spray your enemies down! Brake fast, hold off the degenerates and support your 50 cal up top while he’s locked and loading!
Order of Battle: 20 July, 2000
Mr Tripler - Chief Prosecutor, Political Advisor, Maestro of the Madness
General Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor - Theater Commander 19th SDMB Corps (19 SDMB)
19th Corps Staff Officers
Colonel Arnold Winkelried - Director of Staff (DOS/19 SO)
Master Chief Petty Officer ChiefScott - Senior Enlisted Advisor (1SGT/19 SO)
Major Lurkernomore - Intelligence Officer, Sortie Generation(INTEL/19 SO)
Major Bucky - Military Security Police and POW Camp Commander (SP/19 SO)
** Lieutenant Little*Bit - Interrogations/POW Handler (IPH/SP/19 SO)
**Lieutenant Bear_Nenno - Chief Security Police/POW Handler (SP/19 SO)
Lt Colonel DarkHeart - Public Affairs Officer (PA/19 SO)
Lt Colonel Eponymous - Logistics Officer “Beer God” (LG/19 SO)
19th Air Combat Group
Colonel Falcon - Commander 19th Air Combat Group (19 AG)
Major KimKatt - Commander 19th Bomb Squadron (19 BS/19 AG)
** One Flock of Canadian Geese - Aircrew, 19th Bomb Squadron (1/19 BS/19 AG)
Major TopazAntares - *Commander 21st Attack Helicopter Squadron (21 AS/19 AG) *
** Warrant Officer 3 2Sense - Aircrew, 21st Attack Helicopter Squadron (1/21 AS/19AG)
**Captain LocalLoop - A-10 Aircrew, 6th Attack Squadron (1/6/19 AC)
**Captain JBurton99 - F-15 Aircrew, 6th Attack Squadron (2/6/19 AC)
19th Ground Combat Group (19 GC)
Colonel Soulsling - Commander 19th Ground Combat Group (19 GC)
Major SwimmingRiddles - Commander Alpha Company, Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (A/19 GC)
Major Gunslinger - Commander Bravo Company, Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (B/19 GC)
Major Donnie Rotten - Commander Echo Company, Mechanized Infantry, 19th Battalion Landing Team (E/19 GC)
Major Magdalene - Commander Foxtrot Company, Heavy Weapons, 19th Battalion Landing Team (F/19 GC)
** Gunnery Sergeant Welfy - Dragon ATGM Gunner, Foxtrot Company, 19th Battalion Landing Team (AT/F/19 GC)
**Sergeant Locke - Demolitions Specialist, Foxtrot Company, 19th Battalion Landing Team (DEM/F/19 GC)
**Gunnery Sergeant Rock-n-Rolga - M-19 Grenade Launcher Gunner, Foxtrot Company, 19th Battalion Landing Team (GL/F/19 GC)
Major Myrr21 - *Golf Company, Armor (Amphib), 19th Battalion Landing Team (Golf/19 GC) *
Major Sledman - Commander Mike Company, Artillery, 19th Battalion Landing Team (M/19 GC)
** Gunnery Sergeant Baloo - Artillery Counter-Battery Radar Operator, Mike Company, 19th Battalion Landing Team (CBO/M/19 GC)
Captain Quadzilla - Commander Quebec Company, Electronic Warfare, 19th Battalion Landing Team (Q/19 GC)
** LT ‘Hoops - Electronic Intelligence/Warfare Officer, Quebec Company, 19th Battalion Landing Team (EIW/Q/19 GC)
Captain ChrisP One Kenobe - Commander Tango Company, Combat Engineers, 19th Battalion Landing Team (T/19 GC)
Captain RedDragon60 - Commander Recon/Sniper Platoon (Recon /19 GC )
** Staff Sergeant Kiva - Recon/Sniper Team One (1/Recon/19 GC)
** Master Sergenat yESTERDAY mAN- Recon/Sniper Team Two (2/Recon/19 GC)
**Master Sergeant Alessan - Recon/Sniper Team Three (3/Recon/19 GC)
Captain Balance - Special Operations/Unconventional Warfare Officer (SW/19 GC)
** Secret Agent Dragwyr - Operator/Field Agent 001 (001/SW/19 GC)
** Secret Agent Iampunha - Operator/Field Agent 002 (002/SW/19 GC)
** Secret Agent ssskuggiii - Operator/Field Agent 004 (004/SW/19 GC)
** Sergeant Wacky Ninja - SDMB Guerilla Warfare/Field Agent 019 (019/SW/19 GC)
** Secret Agent Shay519 - Operator/Field Agent 519 (519/SW/19 GC)
19th Naval Combat Group
Captain (Naval) Amulet - Commander Naval Combat Group (19 NCG)
Lieutenant (Naval) Homer - Chief of Navel (get it?) Operations (CNO/19 NCG)
Lt Commander Aha - Commander SSN Tuna Hunter (SSN/19 NGC)
New Recruits:
**Sergeant Locke - Demolitions Specialist, Foxtrot Company, 19th Battalion Landing Team (DEM/F/19 GC) Specialist? We could use some help with ‘backstage demolitions’. I’m sure we can bring down the house.
**Gunnery Sergeant Rock-n-Rolga - M-19 Grenade Launcher Gunner, Foxtrot Company, 19th Battalion Landing Team (GL/F/19 GC) Want a big gun? How about an automatic GRENADE LAUNCHER!!
**Captain JBurton99 - F-15 Aircrew, 6th Attack Squadron (2/6/19 AC) Wanna be a fighter pilot??
**Lieutenant Bear_Nenno - Chief Security Police/POW Handler(SP/19 SO) Hell Yes!! I think it’s going to be a big job interrogating everyone. The more help the better . . .
**Master Sergeant Alessan - Recon/Sniper Team Three (3/Recon/19 GC) I figure I’ll send you in first, that way you get first crack at wading through the bodies of ‘teenie boppers’ everywhere . . . Impressive creds!!
As for that other group of ‘mercenaries’, the Boy Scout Jamboree is just down the road. . . But, I guess we’re all against the same enemy. Come on in, have a beer.
Quick Announcement
I’ll be on the road to Ohio for the next few days. I’ll try to pop on when I can. Should be back (with luck) by Monday. See y’all then . . .
Tripler
May the boobs of oppression be felt and dealt with . . .
Consider my mission started. I’m off to find some hippies. :sung to the tune of We’re off to see the Wizard:
[Alessan finishes cleaning his MAG. At 23 lbs, it’s heavier than the SAW, but he feels more comfortable with it; besides, the heavier ammo may be needed to penetrate Brittany’s armored bosums. He finishes stuffing the standard 500 rounds into his web gear, and thinks, Hmm. There might be Spice Girls over there. He throws in another chain.]
We’re on, Soulsling. But how about this: We go by foot, by night. We stay in the valleys, walking halfway up the ridge-line, coming from behind. It won’t be more then 15 kilometers or so - we can handle it. We assault the enemy camp at first light, when they’re least alert. We take out their radar, their heavy weapons, their ammo and hairgel stores. Then we pull out, fortify some nice little hilltop, and wait for the main assault. We’ll show those corrosive crooners what “harmony” really means.
Heh Heh Heh.
Wait, i think i see a MENUDO member ahead, be careful, they have more hair gel then we have grenades and rounds…
what am i… chopped liver?
What about me? I’m the first wounded casualty of this war and nobody’s even bothered to even look at my wounds. OOPS, unconscious people aren’t supposed to talk, are they?
You know, If you were on the right side of this war I’m sure someone would give a damn. 
Oops. I’m soooo sorry. I just realized you are on the right side!
::tends to Dragwyr’s wounds::
Forgive me???
Riinnngg, Riinnngg
“Psst, Bluepony, I’m in trouble. Balance drugged me and locked me in a room in Aruba, buck naked!”
“Sua, if you’re naked, where’d you get the cell phone?”
“You don’t want to know … anyway, send some antiwar protesters down, and get my ass out of here!”
:: Agent 001 (Code name: Dragwyr) wakes up after an indeterminate ammount of time with a splitting headache, and several stitches which close up the shrapnel wounds around various parts of his body. ::
Where am I? What happened? Is the war over yet?
Hey! Look at all these teeny boppers! I didn’t know the war effort was going this well. Your POW camp is working out nicely.