That’s a good idea.
I am having trouble doing “grown up things” as someone put it. Like phone calls. I’ll try Monday. <deep breath>
I know it feels not to want to re-explain, but re-explaining may actually be helpful in your case. And if you haven’t seen the old doc in a while, you’re going to have to re-explain anyway. Unless he has a mind like a trap. Most doctors don’t.
Why are you scared? Is it fear of dealing with the beauracracy? Again, I know how that is too. But you’ve just got to tell yourself that you’ve done it before so you can do it again. And imagine jumping through the hoops and not having to worry about paying $250/hour. Plus, you’ve got an old debt associated with that old doctor. Starting fresh might be good for the both of you.
You may actually get to see someone more than once every other month.
Luckily, my dad signed that contract, so I’m not liable. I don’t think the old doc would do that to me. He wouldn’t.
I don’t know what I have to re-explain. I saw him 1-2x a week for months - over a year, actually. It’s only NOW that I can afford med management every 2 months with that bill.
We mostly talked about my anxiety and sometimes my parents, but he knows a lot about me. I can say half a sentence and he knows the rest of the paragraph. Like, “Too many options for onions at the store” and he knows that means I was shopping, panicked, and left my cart sitting there. Well, that’s kind of an easy one, but…he’s also the only doc that ever called to check up on me.
I don’t know if I want to give him up, even if he has faults. (I was tired of talking about my parents, dammit.) I’ve seen BAD docs and really suffered. This one listens to me - including when it comes to meds. My ex told me his doc just throws new meds at him every few months. 
It’s scary. Everything is so scary I just want to cry.
Actually, I am. I just wish I could sleep forever. I want to quit life…just magically stay here forever.
My dad promised he’d pay for my car (hey, it’s partially his fault) and he owes the doc $12,000. My dad is quite a character. He pays nothing if he can help it. I’m starting to realize that.
Just to put in my two cents - I saw your pic on the People Pages and I think you are HOT. I assure you, you are attractive. Very. Trust me, I’m a doctor!
That’s not even funny. 
That was supposed to say CARE. He most certainly didn’t pay for my car.
Head/smack.
But you are pretty. It probably could have been said without the doctor bit, but I don’t think Karl was lying. Just trying to (clumsily) make you feel better.
Are you serious? Really, you are pretty (and I am a doctor).
I am going to agree with monstro about the doctor issue. $250 a session is ridiculous in your situation. Local mental health center will provide meds and counseling for far, far less.
Well…thank you. /blush.
Did you know before shrink told you?
I can’t believe how casual you are about the suicide attempts when you are a single parent, I’d tell you to send your son to a family member or close friend for awhile til you get stabilized on meds. If your answer is that you have no one you could trust, then WTF is your son going to do without you?!?
You talk about how thoughtless and cruel your father is to you, yet you’d attempt suicide with a minor son totally dependent on you?! You son will be on here in a decade or two with his own stories.
All I knew was what you posted in this topic, which is at odds with that post.
Kids aren’t stupid, eventually they figure out why mommy and daddy need to listen to music with the bedroom door locked. Eventually your son will get clued in.
You don’t want to switch from a very expensive therapist that you have debts with, but you’re in as bad of shape as you claim in this thread? You’re worrying about saving the furniture in a house thats burning to the ground.
I have been where you are. I have the anxiety plus several full-on phobias that have held me back for years and years. Example: My needle phobia kept me from getting all the immunizations to go to college. With a fear, you just suck it up and ride through. With a phobia you fight to even avoid situations that might lead to being near needles. My health has suffered, of course. I understand loving your children but not doing what’s best for them. Both my pregnancies I went without medical care because I couldn’t give blood and I didn’t want to have to explain myself. I had my first without any pain meds because it was easier than dealing with the phobia. With my second daughter there were complications and I was so out of my head I didn’t really know what was going on but I’m told I still fought them.
My anxieties made it harder to get my daughter’s diagnosis of autism because I couldn’t make the phone calls. I’d dial a number but panic forced me to hang up. It’s kept me from getting a job, because the idea of going to a job interview had my so terrified I wouldn’t pursue it. It wasn’t a big deal for years because I was a SAHM, but when my SO was caught by ICE and put in a detention center I had to find a way to make it. One of the hardest things for me to do was call DHS and ask for help, but it was the first step in a the right direction for me. I told my caseworker exactly what was going on and they set me up with a plan of action. (I realize you said you make too much; this is just my little story.)
They gave me a counselor, who gave me a list of clinics. I had to make those phone calls. Worse, the first psychiatrist they sent me to required a blood test during the intake! I sat there and told the lady my primary concern was the needle phobia, she patted my hand and said they could help. . .then said “let’s just take a little blood…” WTF, ya know? Did she not hear anything I said? I left crying and hopeless.
But then I took one more step and called another place, and it was the right place for me.
I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist who prescribes 150 mgs a day. I was given some mild med to help me sleep that doesn’t work at all so I chucked it after the first few weeks. The zoloft helps, but the weekly counselor helps even more. I always said I had GAD but what I really have is PTSD (another bad dad story). I also have binge eating disorder but that and the anxiety are all symptomatic of the PTSD, so that’s what’s being treated. My therapist wanted to use talk therapy for the first six months during the medication adjustment period, and then she wants to start EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). I’ve been reading up and it sounds like it may work for me. I want to be hopeful.
All this about me is my way of trying to tell you that there are ways to get help, even with crappy state insurance. My clinic is sliding scale so they do work with people. They were going to charge my daughter 15 dollars for intake and she has a (low paying) job. I don’t know what it would cost for you. But you’ll never know until you try. And I know it sucks to try, especially when you are repeatedly disappointed but you might end up feeling more hopeful with every step like me. I’m still in a bad situation dealing with my SO leaving and I still don’t have a job but I’ve been volunteering in a charity center and they’ve offered me a position when my volunteership is over next month. I’ve been setting small goals and achieving them, and that makes me feel really good about myself. I mean, so small most people wouldn’t feel any sort of pride, like just making a phone call, but for me it’s a really big step. Instead of feeling ashamed that it takes me an hour of stress and tears to pick up a phone, I feel proud of myself for taking a step forward. It’s all about reprocessing our reactions and building ourselves up. One day I freaked out at work because they wanted me to fill in at the front desk. Talk about facing my fears! I had to greet people and answer the phones and direct them to the right people. I totally blew it too, but I couldn’t say no and expect to keep my position, so I did it, screwed up and discovered it really wasn’t that big a deal! They just put me somewhere else and that place ended up being the right place for me.
So don’t give up. It took me 42 years to even feel a little bit better but today I can say I have happy days most days. The meds help a little. I don’t have the terrifying nightmares and I’m able to drive without envisioning planes crashing or the tire blowing out or a car ramming into us. That helps tremendously. And I’m feeling better about myself so I’m binging less and because I’m binging less I feel even better about myself. I still screw up but I am able to recognize why I seek comfort like that. It’s all starting to make sense to me.
That’s great news. Good for you!
Just wanted to add: Cereal is a perfectly fine lunch. If it’s good at six in the morning why would it not be good at ten-thirty? Most are fortified with vitamins and they’re generally low in fat, even the junky ones. It’s probably no worse than a sandwich or one of those silly “Lunchables”. At least your child brings something to fill his belly.