I think we can all agree on the saying that children should be seen and not heard. 
It’s hardly worth the effort
To counter what you writ
When I’ve seen so much better
Even in the Pit!
It’s obvious to everyone
You’re just a little twit
Trying to top my greatness
With your harmless snit!
HA! So THERE!
( Note to mods - need thumb nose smiley!)
Follow rhyme and meter!
What, are you some cheater? :dubious:
I must say you’re poem was utterly charm-less,
as the words should have rhymed with harmless.
But now that I’ve used about the only one,
zoogirl’s attempt should be lots of fun!
( Note to mods - Ditto!) 
[Provider 1]
500 quatloos on Hal Briston!
Hal, thanks for adding the sig line. I’m honored.
He is my Thrall.
[/Provider 1]
Hmph. I don’t need any fancy coding. I don’t need any colors, smilies, fonts, or weird little pictures that some people can make by typing in things like &+5674 and having it turn out looking like art. Nope, I can just quietly sit here, in the corner, reading in the dark. Hmm? Oh, no, dear. I don’t need you to turn on the light for me. I’ll just slowly go blind in my efforts to learn more about myself.
Yes, I said myself. The journey to self-fulfillment and spiritual enlightenment is one full of peril and self-loathing, but it is one that everyone must make. What’s that? You haven’t started on your trip? Well, well. I pity you. I pity the dark, unwholesome life you must be leading, for you do not understand the greatness that is me. You see, I’m undergoing this spiritual journey to learn about myself, and you must also learn to be me before you can become yourself. I am the alpha and the omega. I am the light and the dark. I am the creatures that go bump in the night, and the light that scares them away. I am all seeing, all knowing. You think I don’t know what you did last night, you dirty little thing? I know. I always know.
Note to anyone who actually read all that - I don’t know what it means either, but I wrote it, and that makes me better than you.
Well, I skipped over the whole thing, so that makes me smarter than you.
Jeeze. Isn’t anybody else going to post in this thread? I was all happy that I posted the first reply, but … Oh, wait. Other people have posted. How … cute.
I’m young and I have a cool username, except that I’m really bad at attention-whoring and am too lazy to code retina-searing large text.
But I have a bunny! His name is William. Perhaps I will post links to his photographs later.
A fight of wits?
A war of words?
With one so plainly arms-less?!
No sword of skill
No shield of will
No threat - just weak and harmless!
(zoogirl wields her rapier sharp verbal jabs and leaves a fallen harmless in her wake. )
The rest of you may now bow and kiss the hem of my garment. You may grovel, too.
I’m still naked, people!
Ah, but how many naked people?
I just thought I’d interject that all are naked when compared to the gloriousness that is me.
You’re welcome.
People say to me, “Shannon, are you a feminist?” And I tell them, " No, people, I am not." So they ask me, " Don’t you care about women’s rights?" I say " Yes, I do." And they point out, " Shannon, you are a woman." And I stare at them for pointing out the obvious until they continue. " If you’re a woman, and you care about women’s rights, why aren’t you a feminist?" So I look right at them and tell them " If I was a feminist, I’d have to think women are better then men, right?" And they’d grudgingly nod. " I don’t like that. I prefer to consider myself an elitist, so I can look down on everyone regardless of their gender." Then the people, well, they stare at me in awe, floored by my wisdom.
First of all, I’d like to say that there are no losers here. Each and every one of you is a winner by virtue of thinking you had a right to be in the competition. However, there’s only one prize, and that prize goes to…ta da da da da…
harmless
[smattering of stunned and resentful applause]
It is the judge’s opinion that harmless perhaps wanted to win the title a little more than anyone else and showed a fierce determination not to be overshadowed. There’s no doubt that harmless swept the talent competition. Additionally, harmless showed flexibility, as well as a great deal of snarkiness under stress. Other than modestly listing a few qualifications in her initial post, harmless never felt the need to promote or justify her qualifications for the title. Like all the truly great Attention Ho’s, harmless never doubted that her gift was so blindingly obvious it would speak for itself.
The choice of prizes is:
[ul]
[li]The “It’s All About Me” decal[/li][li]The aforementioned book, Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism[/li][li]My Book About Me, by Me Myself by Dr. Seuss[/li] [/ul]
I’ll be sending you an email, harmless, to let you know how to claim your prize.
Hail harmless, SDMD Attention Ho 2004.
You tore my muu-muu! :o
I wear a muu-muu because i am better than you people and so i can be different.
Of course there is; everyone except me. 
Well, was there any doubt?
Just gaze upon the greatness that is me!
Go ahead! I permit it.
I not-so-humbly accept: My Book About Me, by Me Myself by Dr. Seuss 
and one more time!
Ya dang right. 
First off, I would like to thank Og Almighty, for giving everyone so little and me so much.
I deserve more attention than you, and you, and I don’t even know you, but I deserve more attention than you.
And as I sip my soda that I’m sure somebody spit in, I just would like to say to all of you; Neener, neener.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go home and put some water in Hal Briston’s mamas dish.
Good evening.
What?!
harmless won?
That shameless hussey?
That bold piece of brass?
That…that…
ATTENTION HO?!!!
Oh.
Right.
Um, congrats, I guess.
(zoogirl shuffles off, sniveling)
Harmless won? But…but…chin quivers I SHOULD WIN! throws sobbing tantrum Can I at least get an honorable mention? runs off sobbing
Madonna? Is that you?
In other news . . . winner chosen . . . thread closed.
Cajun Man
for the SDMB