The Curse of The Nice Guy

A question that I have oft asked of my female friends…Why is it that women do not like nice guys? The guys that remember their birthdays, always notice that they’ve done something new with their hair, the guys that remember their favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s Ice cream and bring it to them when they’ve had a bad day. The reason I ask this of my female friends is that I am that guy. The perennial Guy Friend, whom is “just too nice”, and, “like a brother to me”, and who they “could never think of as anything other than a friend.” I’ve been dumped several times and it always seems to be the guy that rides a motorcycle and plays in a band. (no seriously, one the other or both at the same time at least 3 times in a row) Then after that relationship fails they always come back to me for comforting and such, but still can not think of me as more than a friend.

So many women I know keep saying that they just wish they could find a nice guy. Here I am, but no. They apparently want some sort of nice that I am not.

So which is it, do women want the nice guy or do they want the drum playin’ motorcycle ridin’ stooge that only thinks of himself?

Women dream of having the perfect relationship with the guy full of romance but, the grass is always greener effect I guess. Some wild streak in them or want for sense of adventure or sometimes just so someone can envy them (in short the shallow women) decide to go for the more attractive bad boy so they can get the attention from the crowds (popularity) Although in some cases, one which I have been in…women may enjoy having a nice romantic sensative fairy tale guy but they don’t want to be smothered they want the guy to be understanding of the fact that they may need their space and are capable of doing things for themselves as well. soooo it’s like trying to reach a happy medium. But face it…no one will ever understand women…I am one and I still don’t.

Women want nice guys, not spineless wimps. That’s the short version of what’s been discussed in the 8000 previous threads on this topic, and what will be hashed out here.

Sorry, must have missed those threads ultrafilter. I wouldn’t knowingly condone a discussion of the banal.

See, this is your problem. If you’d told ultrafilter to fuck off, you’d have the birds gagging for it.

  • Bubba.

Is that a good thing…?

It’s not a good thing. Fortunately, you’ll find that many girls will go for nice guys; you’ve just gotta work harder to find them. Incidentally, many guys prefer not-nice girls. It’s all a preference game. You thought finding your One True Love (or a one night stand) would be easy? If you’ve got standards, it’s most likely gonna be hard no matter how nice or evil you are. If you don’t have standards, just hire a prostitute. In Nevada. Where it’s legal. ;).

The word “nice” has a lot of definitions. I don’t care if you notice my hair (if its doing something cool, you’ll hear about it) but I do care if you behave like a doormat, or in general exude the confidence of a ficus plant. Confidence is sexy and fun in ways that ice cream will never be. (Okay, that was a bad example)

Its not that you are doing the good things wrong, it that you have failed to mention what you are not doing right. My most recent ex is a very “nice” guy, a great cook, picked out a fantastic bracelet for me for christmas, gets along with my family, likes kids…and can’t live up to his plans to do anything productive to save his skin. Its not that I want a “bad” guy, but I need a partner who can handle himself in the real world, get going even when the going is rough.

Two guys before that I dumped another “nice” guy. Poet, romantic, sweetheart, musical…and mentally unstable, obsessive and controlling.

I don’t want nice, I want a solid person with a real life who can handle things when they go bad and revel in things when they are going well. I want a guy who only thinks of me just as much as I’d want a guy who only thinks of himself. Being “nice” usually isn’t the problem.

of all the guys i know who are good with women (finding, seducing, screwing), none really respect them as human beings. Maybe its something about a guy being untamed and not caring about their needs that draws a woman.

In my case, it’s not that I don’t like nice guys - the Spouse is one, as are the Imzadi, my last big crush, and the PYT that I’m currently spiralling at a distance. It’s that nice guys swallow their ice and run away screaming when I finally work up the courage to smile at them and tell them I’d like to bed them. Nice guys don’t seem to care much for shy bad girls.

Having picked up a distinctly not-nice guy between the Imzadi and the Spouse, I’ll continue to deal with the running away.

I’d like to think that I am a solid person, who is especially adept at handling problems (Captain of my local EMS corps), and I’m known for laughing far too loud when things are great. I’m not sure that that is my problem.

An Earlier post mentioned something about being a spinless doormat. How does one not be a spineless doormat and continue to be nice…I know it’s all about balance but how do you show people that you’re a confident individual without trying to show that you’re a confident individual?

Women don’t respect guys who don’t respect themselves. If this applies to you, maybe it’s something to work on. If it doesn’t, maybe it’s your aftershave.

:: takes notes :: Good thread, this.

Women don’t know what they want. (Neither do guys for that matter, but we’re talking about women here…)They say they want nice guys. They’re wrong. They honestly believe it, but they’re wrong never the less.

Girls want a guy who is rich and successful. Failing that they want a guy who is exciting and will bring romance and drama to their lives. Failing that they will settle for a nice guy, but he probably won’t get laid much.

I recommend you read up on Ladder Theory.

Hey, I go for nice guys sometimes. In fact, my current boyfriend is one of the nice guys that used to complain about how girls never go for nice guys.

“Location: Stoudsburg, PA”

Aw, man, there’s your problem. You’d be cursed whether you were a nice guy or not.

But seriously. Don’t think of yourself as a “nice guy,” just think of yourself as a guy. Don’t think to yourself that “I deserve women to flock to me because I’m a nice guy.” A, because it’s not going to happen, and B, because once you realize you’re in charge of your own fate and have control of your own destiny, better things are bound to happen.

Leaving Stroudsburg wouldn’t hurt either. I mean, have you tried Wilkes-Barre or Hazleton?

Nah, don’t worry about it. I see this a lot, and I’m guilty of it myself. It’s true, though: confidence is damn sexy. Also, take a moment to read this, and do look for the previous threads on this topic. There’s good advice there.

Do we keep having these threads over and and over over and over again because men don’t listen? :slight_smile:

Are you one of those guys who ALWAYS makes the girl feel like she’s a princess, puts her on a pedestal, etc?

I knew someone like that-it was always ME. He always put ME in charge-but you know what? He was a whiny, insecure, emotionally manipulative, passive aggressive creep. If I talked to another guy, he got jealous and depressed-and we were NOT dating, because I had no interest in him that way. He was the sort, “I’m sooooo nice to you-won’t you PLEASE like me?” He followed me around like a wounded puppy dog. Wounded puppies are cute-but human beings are not puppies.

He didn’t have any respect for HIMSELF. And he was pathetic. And then, when he showed signs of becoming a stalker, I cut off all contact.

And that’s why the “Nice Guy” rants tend to set off alarms in my head. If you’re really a “nice guy”, you don’t have to mention it-it’ll be obvious.

Personally, I find guys are the same way…here I am a great girl (really, I am), you know pretty, smart, God-fearin’ southern girl. I cook, clean, and all the feminine stuff. My friends tell me I have a great personality, but do I get dates? NO! And way not you ask…probably becuase guys aren’t looking for nice girls either :wink: