TL,DR: Learn female anatomy. Angle, pacing, and power are your tools for your tool. Use your whole body on her whole body.
Thank you, Stoid. Seriously, guys.
This comment prompted me to finally look up TLDR.
And I don’t believe you, since you said what I said.
tldr: can also imply “so, to summarize for those who won’t feel bothered to read this text”
As a guy, Stoid is correct as hell.
Double bonus–learn your OWN reactions, so that part of your variation of angle/speed/depth involves controlling your endurance so that the encounter is of adequate length for both of you.
Guys- stop worrying about your dick, and start trying to figure out how to please your woman! I havent’t met the girl who doesn’t like to tell her lover what she wants in bed- though the out of bed stuff CAN be difficult to figure out…
Luckily, average and happy! (so’s she, but more for mouth than penis)
Excuse me, but… what I thought was an honest question certainly seems to have generated a sizable amount of snark. I don’t think I’d have gotten this reaction if I’d asked people for input about what they liked in other areas, such as music or food… or perhaps a better example might be, if I asked “What, for you, constitutes a good massage?”, would I get “Go read a book about it, you clueless loser”?
You did not ask, “what consitutes a good fuck for you.” You asked what the phrase “its how you use it” means.
To the extent the question, "what does it mean to “‘use it’” can be answered Stoid gave quite a lot of detail, such as depth, angle, control, speed, etc. Which was the question.
And why would you possibly care about what one woman subjectively considers a good fuck, other than your own partner? Nothing could be more irrelevant. Indeed, a significant part of “using it” is not making assumptions based on what other partners liked.
Well, what I actually did was to quote a sentence from the OP, and ask for input on it. That was probably a mistake; I should have phrased it in my own way.
With respect to your final question: I did say the following in my original post:
“I know, the real answer is that there’s no one answer, and you have to communicate with your partner and find out what she (or he) likes. Still, it would be interesting to hear some specific examples.”
If I might be allowed to continue my previous analogy… I happen to give VERY good massages. 
That doesn’t mean I have no interest in getting input on what other people think a “good massage” means. I might learn things that would be very pleasant to the person I’m giving a massage to, even though those things might not spontaneously occur to that person. Doesn’t that make sense?
Your reaction to what I wrote shocks me, and is also telling. I wasn’t in the smallest way snarky, nor did I intend to be and that should be plain from the detail I offered. My encouragement to read a book or watch a video was completely sincere and without judgment; it’s how anyone learns anything. Very few things in life are mastered naturally, without some guidance or input, whether it’s cooking or fucking.
Some people are lucky enough to have people they know personally teach them (my mom taught me to cook, and I continue to learn from others as well as from books and videos) Some people are naturally talented, but even then mastering something as complex and vast as sex normally requires some learning from somewhere.
Some people lack a natural talent for sex, and they may need extra guidance and extra effort to be better at it. My ex, for the record, was very nearly a virgin, having only had sex two times in his life. What he DID have was a VERY open, ego-free attitude, a natural joy in the process, and a strong desire to be as good as could be, because he found it important and exciting. All those ingredients, combined with me and my own experience and openness, led to us having a fantastic sex life that was incredibly satisfying for both of us for ten years. And I know that he had a great sex life going forward with other women, because we talked about it and the things he told me made it clear that he was still being completely open and enthusiastic about learning what the new women in his life liked, which was somewhat different from what I liked. (FTR: women need to learn what men like, too! But since women tend to have “touchier” sexual response than men do, it’s sexual happiness will usually require men to be more concerned about finding out what she wants and needs than what he wants and needs. As Jake Johansson said, talking about Cosmo magazine’s endless articles about what men want: “Just touch it!” 
)
If someone is sexually active and hasn’t been able to progress in their lovemaking technique through experience with lovers, then the next best way to learn something is via educational tools designed to help.
The very idea that someone cannot imagine on their own what “knowing how to use it” might mean strongly suggests the need for a deeper education about sex, but more importantly, the fact that you imagined so much snark and judgment in something so judgment-free and designed to help suggests to me that you may have a lot of ego fragility in this area. If that’s the case, I hope you hear me when I say that I can pretty much guarantee you continued frustration and very little progress in your lovemaking skills; every single man I’ve encountered (and I’ve slept with a lot of men) who was so sensitive was also, without any exceptions, a lousy lay. Something to think about.
To summarize: the best lovers…hell, the best anything! are the people who know they always have more to learn and are always happy to do so.
And in that vein, one more thing I alluded to above: ***joy in the process. *** Not lust: joy. Delight. A sense of fun and exploration. A willingness to look silly, to BE silly. To laugh at the the things that go wrong. There’s simply nothing more fun, rewarding, and joyful than getting naked with someone you like a lot who likes you back and just exploring everything possible without any worries about how perfect you are. That’s what leads to incredible pleasure and connection. It’s not a test of your value as a man or a human being…or if it is, you don’t pass it by having some perfect set of moves that magically work on every woman every time. That’s not how sex works, trust me. And if you don’t trust me, ask others if what I’m saying is true.
Two points:
- For some reason, people discussing this issue tend to focus on the mechanics of the matter. I think they’re missing the boat, or at least most of it. The issue is not that a bigger penis feels better physically. It’s sexier.
At least to some people. Maybe not to others. There’s a lot of variation in these matters, generally. But the point is that the primary advantage of a big penis - to the extent that there is one - is psychological, much like big breasts or any other such characteristic, and as such, a discussion that ignores this aspect in favor of a focus of the technical aspects of coitus is missing the primary point.
- ISTM that a lot of people - and women in particular - are turned off by men focusing on their penises, and particularly by men with big ones doing this. I think this may skew peoples’s reactions, and even more so, the sample of responders, when this issue is discussed.
First off, I should say that I wasn’t referring solely to your post; I said that my comment had “generated a considerable amount of snark”.
I think what I was reacting to was statements such as these:
“If it is beyond imagining how the dick can be applied to intercourse in any manner than straight in, straight out, at X pace, then I strongly urge those lacking such imagination to apply themselves to getting an education on the subject.”
“I hope you hear me when I say that I can pretty much guarantee you continued frustration and very little progress in your lovemaking skills; every single man I’ve encountered (and I’ve slept with a lot of men) who was so sensitive was also, without any exceptions, a lousy lay.”
I’ll accept that you didn’t intend these to be hurtful. It’s just that these comments seem to be addressing someone I don’t recognize. They (and especially your most recent post) certainly seem to imply that you’re assuming that I (a) have no imagination when it comes to using my weenie, (b) am frustrated with my lovemaking skills, and (c) am a lousy lay. These assumptions seem to be based on my comment (post #20, in case anyone has lost track) that it would be interesting to hear women give examples of what “knowing how to use it” means to them.
Actually, I’ve been happily married for 13 years, and both my wife and I seem pretty satisfied with our love life, although it might be considered plain vanilla by a lot of people. Perhaps you mistook me for the OP. It just seems to me that you’ve read a lot of things into my little comment, and picked out a schema for me that really isn’t me.
I’m trying to get that quote taught in public high schools, which, in my opinion, are seriously lacking in practical education about sex, pornography, film and the Vietnam War.
You really should pay more attention to the question you’re asking. The question you DID ask “What does ‘how you use it’ mean?” (which apparently was not the one you meant to ask) was indicative of someone who is either sexually inexperienced or absolutely terrible in bed.
I think you got your feathers ruffled because no one read your mind to discern the true intent or your question or inherently knows of your sexual prowess.
Look, if this is a question about driving a stickshift, and I ask “what does ‘ease up on the clutch’ mean?” the reader will assume I have either never driven a stickshift at all, or I am so tremendously bad at it, the phrase makes no sense to me. If they answer “You have to vary the pressure; it takes practice and it depends on the car exactly how you do it – but if understanding the mechanics behind it helps you, you can read up on it.” It’s pretty ridiculous to respond " well, I meant how many foot-pounds of pressure per second do you apply in your particular car!! I’m an awesome driver I am so insulted!"
People can only go on what you give them.
Yes, it is sexier. And the psychological perks of that are great. The idea of being taken by this big, strapping brute that can really put it down on ya is just really sexy to some women.
Also, pain, in general can be sexy in bed. I don’t mean, PAIN, but I mean a ‘good’ hurt. Maybe tugging at the hair a bit, or a couple smacks to the bottom, or just having the kind of size that can give that good…hurt.
Cjepson, I think that some women say ‘know how to use it’ when they mean that some men really know how to give some long strokes, find a good rhythm, apply that good, confident pressure to her body when he takes her, pay attention to her responses, master the art of oral stimulation, resist the urge to just hammer away as if you are working with a sledge hammer if you are really working with a pebble hammer. Don’t do the rabbit pumps…learn to really slow stroke it…the right time for a quicker, harder stroke is something some men really learn to figure out. Find those good positions that really give her optimum pleasure. You may find that a smaller unit feels more satisfying in positions like the sideways style, where the woman’s legs are kind of scissoring you.
So, I’m sure you are doing just great and giving your wife that nice long stroke. Keep up the good work. But in answer to your question, I think some of those things are what people mean when they say “know how to use it.”
I don’t seem to be doing too well in this thread. I thought I’d already indicated (in Post #69) that I had seen the light on what you’re saying here – i.e., I realized that my original post happened to be worded so as to be taken in a way that I didn’t intend or anticipate.
I also realize that I misinterpreted the responses to my original post because I didn’t at first realize that they had themselves resulted from misinterpretation of that… poorly worded… post. (This is starting to sound like R.D. Laing.)
So… all a big misunderstanding. I’m sorry if I offended people or wasted their time. (This doesn’t happen to me in other threads, really… :()