OANN picks up the option on Supernatural; changes the plotline to mirror “Touched By An Angel”; the cast all quits, to be replaced by various Osmonds.
I wish to have the perfect roast beef sandwich.
You get the perfect roast beef sandwich, which tastes so heavenly divine, all other food is ruined for you and tastes like rotten garbage in comparison.
I wish Sam and Dianne had gotten married on Cheers.
In a plot twist critics decried as “even too bizarre for the cocaine-addled 80s,” Sam Malone marries then-San Francisco mayor Dianne Feinstein playing herself in a cameo appearance. Ratings tank and the series is soon canceled.
Let’s do an obvious one: I wish for world peace.
Former NBA player World B. Free changes his name to World Peace.
I wish for the ability to control all probability. (I asked my 21-year-old son for a wish)
Not playing game There was already an NBA player named Metta World Peace (née Ron Artest) and, in a bit of irony, perhaps best known for the “Malice in the Palace” debacle. /not playing game
Congrats! You have the ability to control all probability. With that, free, comes the power to see all possibilities. This stuns your brain into permanent aboulia, rendering youeffectively unable to select any choice at all.
I wish for Spam.
All your filters are removed and ads retroactively flood your UI from the past 20 years. You can no longer use any computer or mobile platform to surf the web because of the massive overload of your bandwidth.
I wish for my virginity back.
You, and ever other person, have your sex history retroactively canceled, effectively eliminating the human race.
I wish for more wishes.
Here you go: all the wishes you want. But, one thing, every time you make a wish, I get a wish, and mine goes first. Mwaa. Ha. Ha.
I can haz cheezburger?
You get cheezburger. And since “cheez” is the slang term for albatross herpes you now also have albatross herpes.
I wish to live in the sun.
You are transformed into the picture on page 3 of The Sun, seen but unable to move or speak.
I wish to have a long, healthy, and happy life.
You cannot stop grinning. 24 hours of every day your muscles are locked into a grin and you can never ever stop.
I wish to to be the most talented soccer player that ever lived.
Your soccer team wins every game you start in. You made the heads of David Beckham, Pele and Christiano Ronaldo spin with your agility and speed. Then you develop incurable toe fungus, arthritic knees, and a deadly allergy to rubber and your career crashes and burns.
I wish for a pink ping pong ball.
Done. You’d better head to the hospital to have it extracted…
I wish for better social skills.
You are the Belle of The Ball. Everyone loves talking to you. People just can’t get enough of your witticism charm and humor. So much so that people stalk you everywhere and break into your house constantly. It’s like everyone has a fever and the only prescription is you. You are “more cowbell.” To get away from this zombie horde you move to Antartica to live with the penguins.
I wish I had new socks.
You get new Socks the Cat. Dozens of them. Hundreds of them. And they keep reproducing faster than you can get them fixed.
I wish I had a great singing voice.
You have a great singing voice on Earth. But you are transported to the planet Pookry with has an atmosphere made up of mostly helium.
I wish I had great woodworking skills.
Just like that other Carpenter I ran into, you can make anything outa wood, but sooner or later you’re gonna end up making your own cross.
I wish everyone had their own personal pelican.
Everybody has their own personal pelican. And they reproduce. Billions and billions of them. The entire planet is knee-deep in pelican shit.
I wish I could fit into my old size 32 jeans.
You are now 2.5 feet tall. You can fit entirely into your old size 32 jeans!
I wish for the heat death of the universe to occur right now.