It does. You are very very cold. And dead.
I wish for excellent health, until I pass away with my loving great grandchildren by my side.
A time machine appears and out pour several of your future great grandchildren. They offer you a wonderful panacea that will be developed many decades from now so you might live to see your multi-great-grandchildren born.
Shortly after that, one of them tells that the old grandparent paradox was finally settled with the invention of time travel but her new research thesis is about proving or disproving the great-grandparent paradox and she pulls out a laser pistol…
I wish to be forever immune to paradoxes.
Science believes you are immune to paradoxes. However, the only way to test it is to lock you in a box with a flask of poison and a decaying radioactive isotope. At any given point you may be alive, or dead, or both.
I wish I had a personal chef who would not serve me poisoned food.
Meet Anslo! He’s a highly trained and passionately dedicated chef who makes every dish a delight. Provided you LIKE sesame avocado dip as a main ingredient in everything.
I wish a had a Klondike bar.
You now own a Klondike bar. Only it’s in a Yukon ghost town, and hasn’t seen a patron in over 120 years.
I wish I had some cookies.
Out of your oven come the most delicious warm fresh baked cookies that creation has ever seen. But you got the COVID and can’t taste anything.
I wish aliens were not real.
Everybody on Earth turn out to be descendants of alien breeding experiments conducted 100,000 years ago so the whole population disappears.
I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.
You end up going around the world teaching singing classes to small group and have basically no time for anything else, and your goal always seems to be one step away from where you are.
I wish I understood.
You understand everything. Every irrational babble, every unspoken thought, every savage impulse. Anything and everything now makes perfect sense to you. No longer able to filter anything, you go insane.
I wish gorgeous women would quit marrying ugly rock musicians.
A secret cabal in the legislature agrees with you and passes a law against it. Emboldened this success, a new authoritarian movement arises on the Left, ultimately resulting in a much more competent version of Trump who merely pays lip service to the progressive ideals in order to get elected. She succeeds in her autogolpe, and is elected supreme-leader-for-life. This movement spreads around the world and a New World Order is established. You find yourself in the 3rd round of people rounded up to be sent off to a re-education camp.
I wish that every time I reached into my wallet to pay for something, I’ll find the exact amount necessary.
You are in a car accident and become a quadriplegic, unable to again reach into your wallet.
I wish I had the wisdom of King Solomon.
You are arrested for threatening to cut an infant in half.
I wish I was undetectable to mosquitoes, wasps, bedbugs, etc.
Your body produces no perceptible evidence that you exist. Light does not bounce off of you. You do not radiate heat or any chemicals. You can not make any sound. You are truly invisible. Since you can still interact with objects you are perceived as a spirit. The Government creates a new task force to deal with which the public nicknames The Ghostbusters. Eventually you are captured and put in a zoo for study. You don’t really mind as they keep you comfortable and feed you well and you have always enjoyed public masturbation. But Religious groups are constantly picketing outside your enclosure because they think you are evil and this annoys you. But what really pisses you off is that your enclosure is right next to the chimpanzees and you frighten them so they are constantly throwing their poop at you and the zoo keepers refuse to move you since this is the main draw and money maker for the zoo.
I wish humans had hand-feet like chimpanzees.
You get them. And you have amazing motor dexterity with your feet. You can write with them, use them to type, use them to eat, and so on. But you walk on your hands, which have become feet, and are useless for any finer work. Enjoy living upside-down.
I wish I had a Zippo lighter.
A stranger gives you a shiny new Zippo lighter before running away. Before you know it, you find yourself in a jail cell booked on charges of grand theft.
I wish I had free airfare for life.
~Max
You have free airfare for life. But everytime you fly, the flight is delayed for hours, you are seated between two fat people and their ‘emotional support animals’, there is a crying baby in the row in front and a child behind you kicking the back of your seat. Invariably, the flight will have to be diverted to a distant airport and you must complete your journey by coach.
I wish we could travel to different star systems and visit alien planets.
You can! Too bad you didn’t ask for a trip in a spacecraft, where an Earth atmosphere is maintained. As you didn’t, you suffocate and die, unprotected in space.
I’d like a box of chocolates.
You’ve got a box of chocolates. They are filled with live spiders, cockroaches and tapeworms. Oh, and you’re deadly allergic to chocolate.
I wish I could turn back time.
You singlehandedly discover the technology that can go back in time and test it out. Unfortunately, the best you can do is 5 seconds, the time it takes to activate the process, so you’re stuck in an eternal time loop from which you can never escape.
I wish I had a bidet.
Your bidet does not include a pressure regulator, and the stream irregularly, randomly, and spontaneously witches between “dribble” and “fire hose,” often in miduse.
I wish cats were more trainable.