** Your proud, specific accomplishments
Testifying Against Yourself In Traffic Court **
“No, Your Honor, I wasn’t going 15 miles per hour over the speed limit–I was going 30 miles per hour over the speed limit! And what’s more, it was in a school zone! In the name of Justice, I demand that I be properly punished!”
I swear it hadn’t been done before – doh!
** Little things that you are irrationally picky about
Extinction!**
I just don’t want it to be my species. Although it’d make it easier to get Red Sox tickets.
Sometimes these stories just write themselves:
** “Can’t you read the sign?”
Dear SUV Driver: Just Because You Didn’t Crash into the Parked Car… **
**Good-bye Sweet CharlieCat
Is my vet lying? **
Nope. Cat’s dead.
Apparently Republican women do not want to be kept barefoot and pregnant.
Draft all women and send them to fight terrorism
Er, no “middle ground”, then?
Didn’t Know Doughnuts Die
It Shouldn’t Happen to a Dog
Hey! Wanna meet? (Phoenix/Arizona and surrounding states Dopefest planning)
Winter is very mild
Don’t freeze in your arctic climes! Party in Arizona, where Winter is always mild!
**Looking for Florida opinions; bachelor party
What exists these days for professional women’s apparel… **
We have Naughty Nurse, Naughty Policewoman (fully functional handcuffs included, natch), Naughty Nun (hey, that’s a a profession too), and for your more…ah…specialized tastes we have Naughty Veterinarian (“Furry” Costumes sold separately).
**Murdering raping savages are on the loose
I just ran 4 miles!
**
Is my vet lying?
Your best and worst job interview meals
The interview went well, but I think he was lying about the carnitas.
Your best and worst job interview meals
It Shouldn’t Happen to a Dog
The Ken-L Ration was kind of stale, but they did keep filling my bowl…
What happens when a person gets arrested…
Testicular torsion? Ever heard of it?
**Strange Use of “Took” to Mean “Gave”
Steroids in professional sports and health effects **
“No, doc - when I said I took steroids, I meant I ‘took’ them to someone else!”
**It is wise to scoff at preppers? Are their fears really so outlandish?
Imagine the impact of an unlikely natural disaster striking a major city
Extinction! **
After the Great Chicago Hurricane, me and my basement full of beans will be all that prevents the End of the Human Race!
** Saudi King Abdullah dead at 90
Didn’t Know Doughnuts Die**
Weirdest racial slur ever
Imagine the impact of an unlikely natural disaster striking a major city
Extinction!
**Half a Second to Live - What Would You Do?
I just ran 4 miles! **
They’re paired up again.
Saudi King Abdullah dead at 90
Didn’t Know Doughnuts Die
Ich bin ein King Abdullah!
.
Did any other human species, have such gender strength disparities
Toilet Problems
Apparently the toilet seat is too heavy for one gender to put down after the other one lifts it.