Yes but when your reality consists of nothing but rejection after rejection after rejection, it’s hard to not internalize some of that. It then bleeds through into all your interactions with women, and “faking it til you make it” is see-through and doesn’t work. So you can’t really have success unless you have confidence but you can’t develop confidence without (at least some) success. It’s a vicious pattern and not as easy to break as some are suggesting.
For so many reasons, this is a bad idea. As mentioned above, it’s quite stalkerish plus you will never get an honest answer. Ever.
I used to live in Lynn and got used to that. I figured I’d be visiting either the Willows or Major Magleashe’s, but I’ve never heard of that pizza place, so thanks again. Sorry for going off topic. :o
I appreciate the kind thoughts. I don’t know if I’m more worried that there won’t be a next time, or that there will. Would I be happier if I could just give up the whole damn idea, or is that even possible?
Was skimming through Shagnasty’s “how do you stay attracted to women your own age” thread. Sometimes I don’t think I live in the same world with everyone else.
The two things that have me feeling crappy since Friday and before:
Rabies; I’ve had exposure to not just one, but two potentially rabid animals, and while the chances of getting rabies from either is probably infinitesimally small, my OCD has been going crazy over it for days;
i’m almost 30 and I’ve never had a “normal” dating relationship in my life. Every dating relationship in my life involved a woman who had major mental problems, or was in some major way incompatible, or the relationship lasted only a few weeks, or was long-distance and we spent only a few hours together in person. In fact, two women essentially demanded a commitment to marriage when my relationship with them had involved less than 50 hours of time together in person; a commitment I could not give in that little time together in person. I have never once had a dating relationship where 1) We were both in the same city/region, 2) we were compatible, and 3) the relationship lasted longer than just a few weeks or months.
Please get to a doctor ASAP if you haven’t already. Rabies is one of those illnesses where, once the symptoms start, death cannot be prevented. I know you’re already scared about this, but it scares me too.
I get it. I was possibly exposed to measles, and went OCD for days because I’m currently being tested for an immunodeficiency disorder, which would make me have a less-robust response to vaccines.
I don’t have measles.
ETA: another vote for “see a doctor ASAP”. Even if you do have to get the vaccines, they don’t give them in the stomach anymore. It’s just an IM shot.
Well…I’ll half-jokingly say that what you describe is a pretty normal course of events, at least IME. There is a LOT of crazy out there. (A friend of mine put on his Match.com profile, “You must have two or fewer personalities…”)
I’m there with you brother. Once you’re “of a certain age” it is ridiculously hard to find the right match. I’m 53, and have been single for about 5 years now, and still have not found “the right one”.
I go through phases of trying the online sites, but the dates I’ve had a result have all been disappointing. Seems like no one is really honest on their profiles. So, after one or two bad dates, I’ll drop off the sites for 3-4 months. And then I go back. rinse, repeat.
I’ve decided to do something different. I’m determined to “get my shit together” and do things to make myself feel better and improve my lot in life. Theory is that doing those things will make me feel better about myself, which will likely make me a more attractive candidate in the dating pool. Take care of yourself first, other stuff will come.
Also, dude, none of live in Shagnasty’s world. And that is a good thing.
A couple of random thoughts.
What do you look like (What do you wear, hair, etc)?
Are you interesting? What are your hobbies?
I used to date but got tired of the whole thing. Now I’m far too busy to be a good partner so I’ve opted out of dating. For what it’s worth, I’d be more than happy to give a blunt assessment.
Right now, and I know it’s not fair to judge by this thread, you’re coming off as mopey; a gloomy gus. Believe me, I know what you’re going though, but you either decide to change things completely or you’ll never break out of this cycle. If you are shy or introverted, there are a lot of self-help books out there on starting conversations. It sounds cheesy, I know, but they can work if you want them to. I used to be very shy but I forced myself to meet people and talk to people I didn’t know. Eventually, it became a habit and actually fun.
My biggest complaint with guys in general was that few of them were interesting. They didn’t do anything aside from work and “hang out”. There was no passion in their lives. I couldn’t see myself spending time with them. The interesting guys had something they were passionate about and/or did volunteer work. Is that possible for you? A lot of places are happy to have even an hour here and there.
If nothing else, consider taking something up that you have no idea about. The challenge keeps your mind occupied. For example, take up a foreign language or woodburning or drawing.
Yeah, but to read his thread he seems to have no shortage of prospects. I don’t know where he finds them. We’re even in the same city.
Short hair (just got it cut two days before the date), goatee (going somewhat gray); nothing fancy. For the date, tan shirt, gray pants, dark green wingtips. The pictures on my profile aren’t terribly flattering, but not sure what to do differently with them.
Bicycling in the summer, curling in the winter. Built a robotic Etch-A-Sketch. Volunteered at the tall ships event in Boston this summer; 55 hours over 5 days, working with a ship I sailed on about ten years ago.
In this thread, I don’t doubt it. How did I come off on Thursday when I was having a great time?
I always feel weird jumping into these threads because I’ve been with the same dude since I was 19, and we have a good marriage. But single people don’t corner the market on being lonely, depressed, or frustrated with their lives. Or feeling inadequate and wondering if anything is ever going to change.
Our culture intensely romanticizes the idea of finding a mate to make us complete. But it’s basically bullshit. You can be madly in love with one of the greatest people on the planet (like I am) and still feel like shit on a Friday night.
I know, it’s not some magic pathway to happiness, and yet people still go out of their way to find it. I don’t know if Maslow’s hierarchy is still worth the paper it’s printed on, but love and belonging are right square in the middle of it. The desire for companionship, permanent or temporary, seems to be hard-wired into just about everything that walks, trots, or slithers.
I saw a doctor the very day after the dog bite. He told me that it was highly unlikely that I’d get rabies (the dog is rabies-vaccinated, also all but certain to successfully clear its quarantine observation) and also that he couldn’t authorize a rabies vaccination - that the ER would have to do it. Another doctor told me my chances of getting rabies were near zero. With the ER, I’d be looking at a medical bill of perhaps thousands of dollars that my insurance might not cover. I did get a tetanus shot though.
I know it’s more of a rhetorical question, but it could be any number of things. I don’t want to sound like I’m kicking you when down, or how you take things… I don’t know you personally. I figured maybe a person like me or others here could help because I/we have no biases.
Reasons I can think of that might have been an issue: hygiene, unflattering haircut, bad teeth, lack of table manners, boring conversation, someone hard to talk to… or maybe it’s your choice of women. When I was trying online dating, I can’t tell you how many guys wanted a date even though it was clear we were incompatible. Why they wanted to go out with me was beyond me. An example would be a guy that mentions church and Jesus… I’m atheist. We’re not a match. Friends always told me: give them a chance! They were wrong and I stopped “giving chances” when I knew it would be a waste of everyone’s time.
As for pictures, have someone take some of you. Even little things such as standing up straight or better lighting can make all the difference.
