The Gay "Lifestyle"

First things first:

First things first: Include an actual statement of fact or opinion.

( duck goes off to find a chair)


Yeah, and?

  • s.e.

OK - maybe first things second… (strange finger-stutter problem)

  1. This is going to be full of generalizations.
  2. I’m not trying to make a morality thing here…

Here goes…

My spouse and I have an occaisional disagreement. She, having had two gay roommates for a while, claims that there’s a whole “gay lifestyle” that includes frequent partying, promiscuous semi-anonymous sex, etc.

My thought is that this is probably media hype. Then the back of my brain says “However”

When I get together with friends, we don’t do “hetersexual” things. When my gay coworker throws a party it’s the “Naked Cocktail Party”.

When I see a regular parade, it’s a bunch of people in marching in straight lines. When it’s the gay pride parade, it’s gold lame, cross-dressing, hip-gyrating action.

There seems to be more to being gay that just preferring omebody with matching plumbing - there’s this whole cultural thing that seems to celebrate excess.

So - what’s the story, is the “gay lifestyle” real or media.

First things first is actually a good motto for all lifestyles.

The homosexuals usually just say it in a wittier manner.


I had a gay roommate in college, and he instituted a lot less naked parties than my straight friends did. closest he came ot joining the “gay lifestyle,” as near as I saw, was that he worked for a local gay/lesbian newspaper. Hell, my straight friends and I went to more gay clubs than he did.

Is there a subculture every bit as identifiable as, say, Star Trek subculture that’s made up primarily of gay men? I’m pretty sure there is. Are all gay men part of it? Of course not. Did your wife room with members of this subculture? Sounds like it.

I remember when my first girlfriend went lesbian. She cut her hair really short in back, stopped wearing skirts, and did a couple of the other dyke-culture things. Do all lesbians? Of course not. But people often look for a subculture to join, and if you’re gay or lesbian, that’s definitely one of the options.


You forgot 3. Hi, Opal!

Yes, it includes those things, and many more, including a rich history going back thousands of years (maybe even more).

We’re not trying to prove we’re “like everyone else” at Pride parades. We’re having a celebration of the diversity that exists within our commuity.

Real, baby. As the song goes, “Got to be real!”

  • s.e.

Someday I’m going to have to learn to type, or spellcheck:

I’m sitting here in a state that recently debated a law that would forbid same-sex couples on birth certificates (it lost, although gay marriage is forbidden). Rosie is on CNN saying that gay adoption is no different that straight adoption. Dateline had a story on gay foster parents forbidden to adopt the children they love.

The straight folks - especially the conservative straight folks - look at the “gay lifestyle” and say that that would be a bad environment for kids. It’d be the same judgement call that would say that placing kids with Hugh Hefner or with junkies would be a bad environment.

So when the local news shows coverage of the gay pride parade the straights point and say “See! Look at that! There’s more to this gay life stuff than just sexual preference!” The pride parade is fuel for their arguments.

I guess I’m just trying to see how much they’re right.

…and in a grammar note, when do I capitalize “gay”.

You know, I know some heterosexual couples that are “swingers.” Know some straight people into S&M. Know straight people who playact during sex. I’ve been at straight parties where clothing was removed. Know straight people who do drugs and drink too much and party too much. Know a couple of straight guys who can’t make a committment, because they think casual sex is still too much fun. Maybe, we should be pointing at those folks and saying that a straight home is no place to raise kids.

Are there gay people who do these things, too? Who knew!, guess I have more in common with them than I thought!

(And I’m an adoptive mom).

Parties interested in gay adoption should read Dan Savage’s book “The Kid.” I think he points out that straight couples that engate in kinky either stop or hide it from the kids when they become parents, too. Its the choice good parents - straight or gay - make.

Well, IMHO, the type of gay/les couple that would adopt a child probably aren’t ones to go out clubbing & sleeping around & cruising the baths. I may very well adopt one day (or conceive with a surrogate) when I’m settled down, responsible, and in a long-term relationship. But for the time being, I still have some wild oats to sow, debt to get out of, and so on. Just like anyone else, gay or straight.

It’s the media’s fault, not ours. Like I said, it’s our celebration, for us. We’re not trying to prove a point. About ten years ago, the organizers of the (then-small) Montreal Pride parade tried to ban drag queens and kissing, so as to “prove a point” to str8 people that we’re “just like them.” Well, we’re not. Period.

Don’t capitalize gay or lesbian. The jury’s still out on “queer,” though.


  • s.e.

Between this and the “Queerdope” thread, my head is spinning. I can’t wait to see how it plays out.


Just wait till matt_mcl gets his little hands on this thread. :wink:

  • s.e.

believe me, I’m anxious to see it, and how the OP is treated.

Now this I don’t buy. You hold a parade so that somebody else can watch a parade.

It’s like a theater presentation. If the curtain opened, and there was no audience the actors would look at each other, shrug, and go home. The audience is part of the presentation.

The gay pride parade is intended as a statement, both to straights and gays.

I’ll let matt_mcl or someone capable of more acidic vitriol deal with this one.

  • s.e.

Actually, I’m with Belrix on the parade thing. It’s a public event in a public location; surely the public is invited? And surely the public isn’t all gay.

Saying “it’s our celebration, for us” seems disingenuous to me. If that’s the case, why not hold it in someone’s backyard, or at a club? Why the mugging for the cameras? Why the slogan, “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it”?

Sure, folks go to gay pride parades for fun. Sure, they’re exciting spectacles. but part of the point of any parade is to have a public presence.

Yes, a public presence, as opposed to the days when you needed a password to get into a gay bar and still risk getting arrested if the cops decided to bust the place.

Thank God for Stonewall. And BTW, the drag queens were among those rioting against the police for all of us, not the suburban vanilla republican “homosexual but not gay” weenies.

  • s.e.

But the “gay lifestyle”, as shown on TV, seems to be more than just a statement of existence and a desire of acceptance.

Again - this may be a generalization - or a media image - but it seems to be an advertisement.

Its not just saying “I’m gay.”

It’s saying “I’M GAY! DO YOU HERE ME? GAY! GAY! GAY!

I want to say “OK, I get it, get out of my face, already.”

It seems that when a party is held, it must be a gay party, a costume party, a sex-themed party, etc. If you hang art on the wall, it has to be gay art.

Don’t gay folks just get together, each Chex mix, drink a beer and watch the game? According to Philadelphia, The Birdcage, and nearly every other mainstream portrayal of gay life, nearly every choice that is made by a gay person is a gay choice.

My original intent was not to disrespect gay people with this thread. It was intended to find out to what degree this portrayal is true.

Yeah, there’s a lot of justified anger there, too.

Because some people need it rammed into their tiny little heads.

It’s fine for you to say you “get it” (though I have a feeling you don’t, really, or else you wouldn’t have written the OP), but I don’t like being told to get out of someone’s face because of who I am. Sorry.

It’s because we have a unique culture and we like taking the opportunity to enjoy and support it.

Sure, why not? But does that make me a disgrace to those people because I don’t care for sports? (Though I like beer…)

To what degree? It varies. Hence the idea of diversity within the community as opposed to homogeneity.

  • s.e.