I live in a dorm, and a girl downstairs killed herself, oh, about 40 hours ago or so. I never knew her–she was a freshman who just never found her niche, according to the school newspaper. I didn’t know her, but all the “If only’s” have been running through my head for a while.
Please find a lonely freshman today and give him or her a hug.
There is really nothing to say, except greiviences…
one cannot ever be prepared for such a shock - the “what if’s” haunt like hell.
sadly, the best advice is that your vunerability will slowly fade, and you will come to accept such things…
maturity is not the universally desirable thing it is often thought to be…
to live is to greive - accept it
{{{HUG}}}
That’s a good point, really . It was actually a month or two before I knew that my next door neighbour had killed herself. Admittedly, I was not at home that weekend, but it was a pretty shocking indication of how, in multi-storey flats/high-rise apartment block such as where I live, that one scarcely sees, never mind knows the neighbours.
And - try not to blame yourself. I say this because have recently been speaking with a friend whose co-worker killed herself, and my friend was pretty down about that and full of "if only"s.
((((Magickly Delicious))))
If onlys can drive you crazy. Don’t forget what happened, but don’t obsess on it, either. Just remember to be kind to the people around you, you never know when it can make a difference.
That said, I’m sorry that you have one more thing to deal with while dealing with school.
I saw a similar situation when I was in a temporary barracks in the navy and one of the men there killed himself in his car. I only met him briefly in passing the day before and didn’t learn the full circumstances but I had to help inventory his locker for the military police. That was one of the most disturbing tasks I’ve ever had to do.
That’s very sad news… the guilt can wash over you, but don’t let it become an obsession. I’m very sorry that you have to deal with this along with school and everything else in college life.
Don’t beat yourself up with the “if only’s”…there’s nothing you could have done. Although there are warning signs sometimes, other times, you just can’t tell. A few years back, I ran into an old friend at a bar, and we quaffed a few, shared some laughs and old memories, then he went home and crawled into his bathtub with a shotgun. God, that still bothers me to write it, but honestly, I had no clue he would do something like that.
Focus on your studies, as hard as it may be, and file the experience under “Things not to do no matter how much life sucks.”
Been there, done that, unfortunately.
I really wish people who are considering suicide would stop to think, just for a minute, how it’s going to affect those around them. Not just their friends and family, but people who they may never have even thought of. (I know, I know, suicidal people aren’t thinking rationally. I can still wish, though.)
In college, I dated a guy briefly. It didn’t go very far, just a few dates. We never even kissed or anything. I wasn’t really interested in him, there was no spark, so things just seemed to kind of fade out on their own.
Later I found out from a mutual friend that this guy had really, really, liked me, and took it pretty hard when we stopped going out. It seemed strange to me, since we hadn’t had an official “break up” or anything. I guessed he just sensed I wasn’t interested, though, and stopped calling me. I didn’t make much of it at the time, and forgot all about it.
About a year and a half later, I found out that this guy had blown his own brains out with one of his father’s guns. I found out right away because his dad was something of a local celebrity, so it made the news. I know he had problems–an adopted son of a revered football legend, with a brother (not adopted) who was following in their Dad’s footsteps. I also know he dealt with depression.
I’m not conceited enough to think that I had much to do with his suicide, but I still really regret being one more thing in his life that didn’t go right. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it now. It’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.
But…
I try not to think about it too much. That path leads to madness. Second guessing every move, every comment…it’s impossible if you want to remain sane. Just (as someone said earlier) try to be kind to everyone. You never know when it might make a difference…and it’ll help keep you from having regrets later.