Having said that, I must say “Today, a haggis of hags gathered at City Hall…” does have an appealing existential feel to it.
…Screech! pant, pant, pant… So sorry to be late. purplebear reporting as ordered, FM Green Bean. Thank you so much for counting me among the OH’s. <she drops in a curtsy>
Qualifications:
- I am one of the biggest flirts on this board, so I’ve been told.
Proud of it, too! - I adore all men, most especially Mr Bear. Well, with the obvious exception of trolls and other like-minded creatures.
- I will endeavor to always bring honor and glory to this Esteemed Group; and defend against any and all spurious attacks by aforementioned trolls. (exception being now, as ultress had a great point, if we keep feeding him, he’ll hang around, so I won’t)
Is that enough, or do you need more? I will attempt to post a link at the bottom, let me know if it doesn’t work. Many, many thanks to techie for this link. She was kind enough to set it up for me. It isn’t a real recent pic of me, I’m working on a new one. Since this pic was taken in Jan, I have lost 30lbs, although I still tend to have parts of me arrive several minutes before the rest of me does. :o BTW, that’s Mr Bear in the pic with me. He’s the hot one!
Hiya Fellow Hags!!
Sorry I have not joined in yet, but I have been busy studying for finals…
SO overjoyed to be a member of the Hag Squad. Finally, I feel as though I belong!
I think we should definitely make London-Calling the Official International Hag Man of Mystery.
It’s an honor, ladies, to be included in such a presitigous and important group of chicas. Fuck the Spice Girls, it’s a HagWorld and we are ruling it!
Hag Power!
If it bothers you so much, try proving them wrong. If you can’t do that–and I have to wonder–then just ignore it. Take your “got-you-last” mentality back to the grade-school playground, where it belongs. I can’t stand it when someone intentionally tries to be insulting, then immediately tries to apologize for it or rationalize it after they get a taste of their own medicine. Try growing a spine, for Chrissakes. If you’re going to insist on being a jerk, at least take your lumps like a man.
Maybe I’m overestimating your intelligence again, lswote, but I think it’s pretty clear, even to you, that they aren’t labelling themselves as “hags” meaning it the same way that you did when you called them that to begin with. Whatever your problem is, all I ask is this: if you insist on using terms like “ugly” and “putz” to describe someone, don’t compound your assholitude by claiming that you “didn’t mean it,” or “were just insulting them back.” Puh-lease–if either of those things were true, you wouldn’t be going out of your way and barging in on their threads to badmouth them. If you really want to prove that they’re wrong about you, then about all you can do at this point is try and ignore it. All you’re doing right now is making yourself look worse, and giving everyone else more ammunition to use against you.
–Calredic
I wanna be a hag, too! I have no particular qualifications, though. Does a bad attitude count for anything? 
smiles Thanks for the classification. I think I’d rather be sexy but cute works for me too. Now if only I could get the guys to notice that…
Can I? I was going to go for the foot massage thing but RT beat me to it. I’ll help out with the duties, just in case he gets sick or something. I can help with the back and neck massages. I just really like hanging around ladies… er I mean Hags.
Thank you for your consideration,
Jim
I’d like to joint the Boy’s Auxiliary, if I may.
My application is here.
Billdo I wanna see a pic? I might personally recommend you to the high one.
Well, ultress, I’ve sent my photo to techchick, so I think I’ll just torture you by making you wait for the beefcake calendar. Besides, I think the boss-lady has dealt with me enough so that she’ll be able to make a decision on her own.
Now if I had a picture like Silo/Mike M. sent to techchick, I might send it to you, but I wouldn’t want to cause you to drop everything in your life and come to New York because of the excitement that it’d generate.
Since a little brevity is in order, how about including me in the Men’s Auxilliary, or whatever it is called :o)
As one of the founding members of the Hags of SDMB I volunteer to look at any pictures of the men folk wishing to join to determine if they are …uh suitable for the other members to view.
I’d like to apply, too. My picture is on the Teeming Millions webpage. 
Calredic…will you marry me? So mature, so articulate, so right all the time…I think it’s meant to be.
Tell me you like Etta James and Billie Holliday and I’m yours forever, baby!
Holy hormones Batman, she’s lost her mind!
Love,
One Very Beautiful Hag
Quite simply, I want to be a Hag because I want to be able to lord my elite Hag status over others.
Though, that sounds sound horribly selfish doesn’t it?
The PC answer:
I am a young adult who is seeking direction in her life. Trying to live up to the Hag ideal will give me the guidance I so desperately seek…and I want to lord it over others.
My pict should be in your box. Eagerly waiting to hear back from you.
Techie suggested I repost my application to be a Hag. I submit my work in the “Fat vs. Thin” debate in GD as evidence for my hagness.
Pictures can be found on my webpage.
Although I am relatively new to this board… I wish to be a hag… It’s something I’ve really always wanted to be… After (and if) I’m accepted, I promise to be the most honorable, dedicated, trustworthy hag Straight Dope has ever known. I’ve sent you my picture and I’m nervously waiting for a reply. Thanks!
Good evening, Hags!
I have had a lovely day, playing in the garden and having a barbecue with some friends. (I also did the laundry, the dishes, vacuumed, and picked up the dog poop in the yard-such is the life of a hag!)
My, how the work piles up when you are away for a bit. So much has happened, and so many have applied. I can’t tell you how much I have enjoyed your applications and your pictures. What a fine looking bunch we are!
I will try to get to everything. If I miss something, then let me know!
INDUCTIONS
Ukulele Ike CH: We are pleased to accept you as a full member of Boys’ Auxiliary. We expect you to cater all parties.
Jeannie CH: Thank you for the lovely picture. You were truly a beautiful bride, and the groom wasn’t bad either. Jeannie CH, you shall be a member of The Gorgeous.
Kat CH: We are proud to have you as an official Certified Hag. For now, Kat CH, you shall be in The Uncategorized.
Falcon CH: Unfortunately, you look a whole lot like my freshman year college roommate. I got a real case of the heebie-jeebies when I saw your pictures. Therefore, I had a ton of trouble figuring out where to put you. I was tempted to start a new category “The Psycho-Bitches From Hell,” but that wouldn’t have been fair to you! The resemblance ain’t your fault. So I called in an outside expert, and he recommended a category. Falcon CH, you shall be categorized in The Beautiful.
Democritus CH: You (and your post-bot) are enthusiastically accepted into the Boys’ Auxiliary. Now you’re stuck in the petty bourgeoisie! Bwahahaha!
**TaleraRis CH: ** We would be happy to have you as a member of the Hags. Your category shall be The Cute. And if Jophiel wants in, tell him to submit his own darn application.
casdave CH: You didn’t officially apply, but I am the Lord-High-Poobah, and if I say you’re in, you’re in. Welcome to the Boys’ Auxiliary. Now I want to see a picture of you, you half-Samoan British orphan, you!
zyada CH: I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that you are enthusiastically accepted into The Sexy . Is there any such thing as a non-sexy belly dancer?
A girl CH: So glad you applied. Of course you shall be a Hag. You are categorized in The Cute.
tatertot CH: Welcome to the wonderful world of the Hags. I have not yet received your photo, so for now you shall be in The Uncategorized.
Sassy CH: Yup. Being sassy certainly qualifies you. You shall be in the category The Beautiful.
London_Calling CH: We’re happy to have you aboard, sir! You have been admitted to The Boys’ Auxiliary Please see the officers’ list below. You have been appointed our official International Man of Mystery.
MoosieGirl CH : What a fun picture! You shall be a Hag in the category The Cute. And get your friends on the board. They look like they’re cool.
JimB CH: The Hags are glad to have you. You, not surprisingly, shall be in The Boys’ Auxiliary. And don’t worry about RTFirefly hogging all the footrubs. The Hags have enough tootsies to go around.
Billdo CH: Howdy Brother Bill. Glad you could make it. You are now an official Hag, in The Boys’ Auxiliary. And please stop talking about your penis on the board.
beakerxf CH: For an ID photo, it wasn’t bad. I’m here to make wishes come true. You’re now a Hag. Your category is The Cute.
jjjfishe CH: I’m speechless. You’re one Gorgeous Hag!
RE-CATEGORIZATIONS
A Serendipitous Event!
Peaches8 OH asked to be re-categorized from The Sexy to The Cute. I was reluctant to do this for fear of tearing a hole in the time-space continuum. Fortunately, a short time later, TopazAntares CH, currently in The Cute, stated that she would rather be in The Sexy. Serendipity! A little switcheroo, and it all balances out.
Other Re-Categorizations
purplebear OH: You are an Original Hag. You don’t have to apply! But I enjoyed your application anyway. In your picture, you looked more somber than anything…but I bet you have a fabulous smile! You shall be re-categorized into The Cute
Girlbysea CH: You are now in The Sexy. I can see why ChiefScott likes ya!
Tveblen CH: I knew you’d come through with a picture for us. You have been re-classified into The Beautiful
APPOINTMENT OF OFFICERS
Any large and complex organization must have officers to do all the work. Therefore, I have appointed several members to positions.
weirddave OH: Locker Room Attendant
TVeblen OH: Bearted Lady
elelle OH: Historian and Folklorist
SanibelMan CH: Resident Cynical Teenager
blueslady FM: Music Director
RTFirefly CH: Masseur
ThisYearsGirl CH: Crazy Cat Woman
Ukulele Ike CH: Chef
Democritus CH: Cock-diesel Toddler
zyada CH: Dance Coach
London_Calling CH: International Man of Mystery
tatertot CH: Nag
Billdo CH: Legal Counsel
jjjfishe CH: Spokesmodel
If you have any further nominations (self-nominations are welcome), please post them.
PARTIAL APPLICATIONS
If you are listed here, you have expressed interest in becoming a Hag, but haven’t submitted a full application. Please state your qualifications for membership in the Hags. We don’t accept just anyone, you know! We look forward to hearing from you.
Chris CTP
B_Line12
WallyM7
Lucretia
Grace
saucy potato
Narile
Mr. Cynical
MaryAnnQ
A MOST PRESSING ISSUE
What does one call a group of Hags? I did support “a haggis of Hags” but I am now leaning toward “a haggle.” What do the rest of you think?
MEMBERSHIP LIST OF THE HAGS OF THE STRAIGHT DOPE Revised 11:20 pm, May 14, 2000
(I apologize in advance for any misspellings or miscapitalizations of usernames)
“FM” designates a founding member.
“OH” designates an Original Hag
“CH” designates a Certified Hag
Founder/President/CEO: Green Bean FM
The Gorgeous:
techchick68 OH
SwimmingRiddles OH
aenea OH
Drain Bead OH
single files OH
Jeannie CH
jjjfishe CH
The Beautiful
blueslady FM
CanadianSue FM
ultress FM
Nacho4Sara OH
SaxFace OH
Ruffian OH
h_thur OH
Blue Twylight CH
elelle CH
Falcon CH
Sassy CH
TVeblen OH
The Cute
Green Bean FM
phouka OH
mega the roo OH
pepperlandgirl OH
peaches8 OH
ThisYearsGirl CH
TaleraRis CH
A girl CH
purplebear OH
MoosieGirl CH
The Sexy
Elthia OH
TopazAntares CH
Shayna CH
Cristi CH
Diane CH
zyada CH
Girlbysea OH
The Uncategorized
dragonlady OH
Rachelle OH
Shirley Ujest OH
learae OH
AuntiePam OH
Kat CH
tatertot CH
The Boys’ Auxiliary
SingleDad OH
weirddave OH
SanibelMan CH
RTFirefly CH
Ukulele Ike CH
Democritus CH
casdave CH
London Calling CH
JimB CH
Billdo CH
The Pending
AmyJohn OH
jesjam901 OH
Turpentine OH
Please tell me if there have been any errors or ommissions. Thanks.
Yours in Hagginess,
Green Bean
I’m a hag. Huh? don’t you trust me. I’ll have a pic for ya’ll soon. Prepare to be turned on, swooned in and worn out. All you ladies are gonna be trippin lookin at the best body on the internet…nah…Just kiddin’ sometimes I have to release a little of the MM in me.
Woohoo, I’m in, I’m in! And so honored to be nominated Dance Coach. I’ll get right on the official “haggle of hags” dance.