I mean this in the nicest way possible:
Seriously, dude.
No.
Seriously dude.
And you’ve never been faced with an emotional situation where you’ve had to make decisions on the fly? Lucky you. Sometimes the best laid plans go out the window. Seems to me nothing will be lost by waiting to tell his Mom. In fact, maybe being further along in the process with some concrete plans for the future will be more reassuring to her than leaffan’s current limbo.
Leaffan- Don’ let anyone beat you up for your decision to wait before telling your mom. This is your life, it’s your relationship & you get to choose how you tell people what’s happening. Have you considered writing your message to your mom in a letter? (Not necessarily to actually mail it, but to make your thoughts and feelings more concrete and coherent)
However you tell her, I am confident that she has seen a lot in her 76 years, and I’m sure she wants you and the kids to be happy. Hopefully she will trust you to get through this, like most people faced with your ugly situation do.
I sincerely wish you well, and hope you keep us posted on how your conversation with her goes.
One last thing- take care of yourself during all this- you need to be healthy, well fed and rested if you are going to face it effectively.
Good luck!
Seriously? If you are married and not ‘codependant’ to a certain degree, you are doing it wrong.
If one of the two of my husband or myself were to disappear from the earth we would both be facing entirely new challenges that the other usually takes care of. That’s sort of the point. You depend on each other, physically, emotionally and financially and build a new life together.
Screw independance, I like being married.
Leaffan, I am sorry that things have worked out this way for you. Make sure that you keep your priorities straight. You need to make sure that you and your kids are taken care of in all ways. Your spouse now needs to take a back seat so you can get everything in order.
Update.
OK. So now she’s moving to a rental townhouse with the kids April 1st. We can’t seem to make ends meet as it is, but apparently another $1600 dollars a month will be magically available for her rent in 5 weeks.
I’m just shaking my head.
It is what it is. I imagine the house will sell for a crap load less than what it should, but c’est la vie.
Perhaps it’s best at this point that we just take the financial hit and move on.
Well. That sounds…like she still isn’t dealing with reality. As you say, maybe taking the financial hit and moving on really would end up being the least pain in the long run.
Leaffan I think it’s the best attitude to take, and hopefully shield yourself as best you can when reality does catch up with her. How are your kids taking the news?
If you need to vent PM me.
Yes it probably is. I sold our house in a short sale. It was best to get it off my hands and move on once she got her own place.
Thanks guys. I need to remain in a zen-like calmness though this. Or perhaps an alcohol-induced stupor. I’m not sure which.
Am I nuts?
She moves out with the kids this coming Friday.
When I got home tonight she said we were invited over to the neighbour’s tomorrow night to play cards. The neighbour’s don’t know anything about this divorce. We are good friends with them but we only get together maybe 4 to 6 times a year. We haven’t got together with them since before Christmas.
Umm, I said, no I don’t think we should go over for cards tomorrow night. There are two things we can do; go over for cards and tell them up-front we’re getting divorced and I’ll be on my own after next week, or play cards and laugh and drink for 5 or 6 hours and then tell them.
Either way it’s fucking awkward and I said I’m not going to do it. She says “I’d like to see them for one last time.”
Am I nuts? How would you feel if your neighbours told you at the beginning of the night they were getting divorced, as apposed to waiting till the end of the night and saying “OK. Thanks for having us. We’re getting divorced now BTW! Thanks!”
And, no sooner was this post out of my lips and she’s over there at the neighbour’s already, no doubt telling them how terrible I am and how hard done by she is.
Lovely.
Weee…
Remain calm, you’re doing great. Very soon she’ll be off and into another world. You’re going to feel a whole lot better then, I promise. Hang in there, you’re getting there, and we’re all pulling for you!
Well, I’m off to pick up the moving truck. After today a new chapter begins.
Best of luck, Leaffan!
I’m still wishing you all the best too, Leaffan. It’s difficult to know that there are people out there who have a wrong idea about you, and there’s nothing you can do about it - I guess all you can do is just re-assure yourself that you know the truth about yourself. Cold comfort, I know.
Thanks Cat.
Well, we moved all day yesterday, me and my 14 year old son doing everything while the women folk stood by. When we were unloading the last truck load my good friend stopped by and helped. After that I went back to his place for a beverage and found out that I’m being trash-talked behind my back. Lovely, as I’m trying to take the high road here.
Anyway, this morning I went shopping and bought everything we need for a turkey dinner that I’m cooking at her place tomorrow, since she wants turkey and can’t cook!
Oops. Still trying to take the high road.
They didn’t even help move? Are they under the misconception that women aren’t physically able to lift and carry?
Well, for what it’s worth, from what you’ve described here, your wife doesn’t sound like much of a woman. Of course we’re only getting your side of the story, but still.
Apparently.
Yeah, I know. And if I was hell-bent on character defamation I would have said a lot more, and a lot worse, and said it a lot more vociferously. So, yeah, my side of the story is that my wife and 15 year old daughter didn’t help move anything.
Take my word for it or not.
Good luck to you.