Leaf, I always wondered how long you’d manage that “stay together for the sake of the kids” thing. I sure couldn’t have hung in there as long as you have. Your life is probably about to suck big-time, but I think you’re going to find yourself a whole lot happier in the long run. Good luck!
I would strongly urge against this. Whatever you post here (or anywhere else) can be used against you in the divorce. It stinks, but you need to protect yourself at all costs.
Aww, sorry you’re going through this, Leaffan. It’s no fun at all, that’s for sure. Maybe you can move a little north, closer to your job so you don’t have that horrible commute every day. Housing is really cheap in that area.
That’s the plan. Thanks.
Another person who wishes their parents had divorced checking in.
Your kids have probably picked up on the fact you hate each other (or at least, don’t love each other.) That’s really what makes kids most miserable. The kids whose lives are ruined by divorce are usually the ones whose parents drag them into the middle of every argument and otherwise act oblivious to their children’s emotional needs. This is something that can be prevented with due diligence. You need to put up a unified front and do not trash talk each other. It will tear your children apart.
I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be to have a partner not willing to make changes for the better. Obviously your wife has to know her spending behavior is destructive and that it pisses you off, but she keeps doing it anyway. How can you work with something like that? I’d divorce her ass too.
Well, that’s one of her faults. I’m not without fault myself. This hasn’t been working out for us for a number of reasons.
Thanks.
I’m sorry you and your family are in this situation now, but given your obvious longstanding unhappiness, I’m actually sort of glad you’ll be moving on and having opportunities to enjoy life on your own/with your kids/with another person who you want to be with and who wants to be with you.
Good luck, and vent at need.
One suggestion to help the kids: keep rules and discipline the same as always. The kids will try to see if they can get away with more stuff with either or both of you. Don’t let them. It’s actually more reassuring to find out that the rules haven’t changed than to suddenly be allowed to do whatever you want.
That’s a very good point, **e. wench. ** Try to stay in communication during and after with your soon-to-be-ex so that you can both be consistent in your parenting.
Reading this thread with interest and just wanted to chime-in. I have known more than a few friends who have gone thru this - I liken it to crossing a giant chasm - their lives sucked for a while, but once they got to the other side they were living much happier lives.
WRT the kids - a couple of my divorced friends/coworkers have good relations with their ex’s - to the point above about cooperating with the ex-spouse - they put the kids first. I told one of them to write a book about how to do the divorce right - by the kids.
Sorry you’re going through this - my ex and I separated in June and its been the best decision we could have made - we are getting along just fine, but we are working at it and giving each other the benefit of the doubt whenever possible - I hope you are able to have a similarly smooth transition back to the single life.
This is not true. A divorce is traumatic for everyone involved. It messes some people up worse than others but everyone feels it even if it’s not “in front of the kids.”
It just started and you are calling it long and winding? I was told she wanted a divorce in match 2009. It’s not over yet.
Uh. Yeah. I’m calling it long and winding, because it will indeed be long and winding. We still live together. We still care about the kids. We still are working towards selling the house and moving on.
We don’t hate one another. We realize that it’s time to move on. We have little in common. Etc.
Maybe it won’t be long.
Right, but the point of many posts was that it’s better than the whole “staying together for the children” charade that so many people suffer through. Pulling off a Band-Aid can be “traumatic” but it’s best to do it quickly and get it over with.
A regular divorce in Canada takes a year from the time of filing, I believe. If they haven’t filed yet, it is indeed going to be a long time.
I think it will take 8 to 10 months for this house to sell.
Sorry to hear of your pending divorce, Leafan. I can relate. I had my wife served just two weeks ago and although I would love nothing more than an amicable mediated dissolution for the sake of my cherished kids, I anticipate a long battle ahead.
She left the kids and I two years ago and now lives with her gigolo (not an exaggeration, they met on a gigolo dating site) in a big house she bought less than a mile away from us. I’m an excellent, hands-on father and have tried to be a good husband from day one of our marriage. But, it was apparent shortly after the honeymoon that she was not the person I thought I was marrying (she pushed for a very short engagement).
At my wife’s request, Boy Toy has called and threatened bodily harm on me at the hands of he and his friends, three times since she was served (she wants the divorce, but wanted to be the one to pull the trigger and on her time schedule). She is rich, powerful and as close to a sociopath (not an exaggeration) as I have ever come across in real life. She’s spent a fortune on Gig-O and herself turning back the clock with plastic surgery, liposuction and cosmetic dentistry and vacationing at luxury resorts, while the kids and I struggle to keep the utilities paid. The stories I could tell (but won’t…well, maybe one or two) are almost too over-the-top to be believed. We look forward to a light at the end of a very bumpy tunnel. Hope your journey is less bumpy. 