The Make Me Laugh thread

[ouryL]

@TellMeI'mNotCrazy

A man is headed home one night after a long night of drinking. Because of his intoxication, he decides it’s probably best if he walks. Unfortunately, his walk takes him past the local cemetary, and being less than sober, he’s a little nervous. He tries desperately to tell himself that he’s being silly, and there is, of course, nothing to be afraid of.

All his efforts were rendered useless by the sudden appearance of a coffin standing in the middle of the road. He rubs his eyes (while swearing off those fruity drinks) but the coffin is still there. Resolutely, he walks past the coffin, and tries to ignore it. Unfortunately, the coffin begins to “hop” along behind him. Bump bump bump The man walk a little faster.

Bump bump bump The man is now jogging (albeit in a crooked line)

Bump bump bump

Finally the man breaks into an all-out run and races towards his house. He slams the door shut and locks it, but outside he can hear the distinct bump bump bump of the coffin making its way up the walk.

Panicked, he flees from the door just as the coffin crashes through. He runs up the stairs, praying that the coffin will be unable to follow, but his prayers fall on deaf ears. The coffin bumps up the staircase behind him. The man runs into the bathroom, which (of course) means he’s trapped. The coffin is bumping down the corridor bump bump bump so our poor crazed hero (who is now well beyond sober) grabs everything in sight and begins chucking it at the coffin.

He tosses a hairbrush; bump bump bump

He hurls the plunger; bump bump bump

He launches the toothpaste; bump bump bump

He fires a bottle of Robitussin; -

The coffin stopped.

IFirstHeardThisOneInElementarySchool–NowIGetIt!
:eek:

[LilShieste]

It’s been a while since I actually heard this one, so… hopefully I get it right.

(I heard it in 8th grade… fair warning)

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(a typical joke setup) 3 men are out in a big thunderstorm, when they come upon a farm. The farmer says they can stay there for the night, as long as they don’t touch his 3 beautiful daughters.

[spoiler]Morning comes, and the farmer approaches the 3 men. He is carrying a shotgun.

“I warned y’all not to touch my daughters, but ya did anyway. As punishment, I want each of you to go out into the field and pick 50 of your favorite fruit, and bring them back here,” the farmer tells them.

The first guy returns with 50 grapes. The farmer raises his shotgun and says, “Now, I want you to shove each one of those up your ass, or I’m gonna blow your brains out.” Frightened, the man does, and the farmer tells him to get the hell off of his property.

The second guy returns with 50 strawberries. The farmer raises his shotgun and says, “Now, I want you to shove each one of those up your ass, or I’m gonna blow your brains out.” Frightened, the man starts doing so… but starts giggling after the first 10.

“What’s so funny?” the farmer asks. “Sorry, it’s nothing,” the man replies, grabbing another strawberry. After 20 more strawberries, the man starts laughing again.

“What’s so funny?” the farmer asks. “It’s… it’s nothing,” the man replies, trying to hold back his laughter.

Just as the man grabs the final strawberry, he starts laughing uncontrollably. “What in the hell is so funny?” the farmer asks.

“The third guy is picking watermelons.”[/spoiler]

LilShieste