I’ve been toying with the idea of online dating for a while now and this thread has piqued my interest. I want some male company that isn’t purely platonic, and I can’t seem to meet any guys in real life. (Well, I do meet guys, but almost all of them are already in relationships, too old for me or both.) The thing is, this has always been so for me. I haven’t actually dated anyone before. So I want your advice: is it weird/lame/unwise/some other bad thing for someone as inexperienced as I am to look for romance online?
I think that online dating sites are a great tool for meeting eligible men/women whom you otherwise would not randomly cross paths with. It can’t hurt to sign up for say, three months, and see what you find. Then you can put in your search criteria to eliminate the ones who are already in relationships or too old. But as you can see from these online dating threads, you have to be careful. Good luck!
While I’ve never online dated, I have many friends with success, who did little to no dating beforehand. How old are you? If you’re younger, I’d say try to meet people at school or work, since you probably haven’t exhausted your options there. Meeting people, talking, and getting to the point where you like someone and you or they ask you out is a very important skill, and lots of fun once you get the hang of it! This is coming from someone who was pathologically shy, only to come out of my shell a bit in high school and fully in college.
If you’re a bit older and have already exhausted your options around you (friends, friends of friends, co-workers, etc), don’t hesitate to jump right into the online dating world! Just have a good (and recent!) picture of yourself, and take time to think about your online profile, don’t just slap up whatever. Good luck!
I can tell you right now: If I were male, attracted to women, and single, the mere fact that you used the right homophone of “piqued” would be enough to get me interested. 
Heck no. I wouldn’t necessarily advertise it explicitly in your profile–phrasing it the wrong way could come off as creepy or desperate. But you could easily bring it up on a first or second date in an offhand manner, “I’m still kind of figuring out how all of this works, since I never dated much.” Just doing what seems reasonable will get you a long way–I was once surprised to discover that a boyfriend hadn’t dated much before me. I never would have been able to tell if he hadn’t told me.
How old are you? If you’re 18 and just finished high school, it might be odd. If you’re a bit older and still in college, I think it would be okay, but people might wonder why you’d venture out to the internet when you have a whole world of people right there in front of you. Of course my searches are setup such that I don’t see anyone under 25, so I really don’t know how many college kids are on these sites.
Anyways, you don’t have to bring up that you aren’t experienced…and no one will know.
Pics or GTFO. 
In seriousness, in my view you need to go where your interests lie. If you’re an outgoing socialite, you’ll probably have more luck at bars and singles clubs. If you’re an introverted geek like me who wants a better chance of finding someone who has a better grasp on technology than what it takes to text someone, online seems to have better odds, on the face of it. Someone could be a good match for you who you’d never see walking around RL but may have a strong online presence.
Lots. I started my OkCupid profile when I was in college 'cause a friend kept wanting me to take their tests.
Thanks for your input, everyone - I appreciate it. I think I’ll sign up for OKCupid and see how it goes, though I won’t give up the idea of meeting someone the traditional way.
I’m 18, and have been in college for a semester and a bit. That is a skill I need to work on. It often seems to me like the gap between “He’s cute, I kinda like him” and anything actually happening is the size of the Pacific Ocean. I’ve come a long way in terms of shyness since I was younger, so hopefully I’ll improve in this area too.
That’s a good way to put it. I was wondering about how to say it without sounding desperate.
I’m definitely the latter. That’s one of the main reasons I started thinking about online dating - the internet seems like a good place to talk to the kind of people who I’d probably walk right past IRL because neither of us would initiate a conversation.
I’ll post a link to my profile once I make one. 
Is anyone else getting quiver matches every few minutes now?
At the urging of OKCupid, I took the Dating Persona Test. I was judged to be “the Boy Next Door”. From the description:
Thanks for that. Shall I just go live in a cave, now?
Nope, don’t feel bad - your result is the same as mine with the exception of our respective genders. I wouldn’t put much stock in the bleakness of that description.
Well, that is a place where I’m supposed to be promoting myself, and putting my best foot forward, and making a good impression, and all that.
As for,
I just turned 45. I’m not sure how much evolving I’ve got left.
I’d say you’ve at least made it to mammal-like reptile.
I took the “Why are you single test” and it came up with “Male Best Friend”
Thanks…back to High School we go.
Okay, I’ve got another question as long as thread is back…
A few days ago I took a chance and emailed a girl who I would normally consider “out of my league” and had a pretty sparse profile. I tried to email her a few times in the past, but couldn’t find anything in her profile to base my email on. She finally answered enough questions to give me something to work with.
Anyways, I was surprised that she wrote me a pretty lengthy reply. Over the past week or so we’ve sent each other 3 or 4 messages (each way), but it’s all been small talk. My question is (and these are general questions that apply to more then just this situation) 1)How do I shift the conversation from idle chit chat to something a bit more serious or at least guide it towards meeting in person? Normally I have no problem getting it to head in that direction. She seems to be picking and choosing the questions in my emails to answer that’ll keep the conversation from getting all that personal. I finally sent her a somewhat long email that attempted to at least steer the conversation another way. All the other emails had been about concerts we had been to. In my last email I changed the subject to cooking. IMHO that’s a bit more personal then concerts.
- Would it be wrong or scare someone off to take a leap and ask them out? I was thinking about sending an email to the above girl that was short and simple, along the lines of “Hey, I’m free tomorrow night, would you have any interest in _______” and seeing what she says? The reason I ask is that in all the emails we’ve sent back and forth we’ve yet to even hint around about meeting. I don’t want to scare her off. OTOH, if she’s not interested in meeting, I’m not really interested in having a pen pal.
And I found another “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T DO THAT” thing. There’s a girl (not this one) that I’ve been emailing with for a few weeks. In one of her emails she said “Hopefully I am going to be able to find a place by the end of the month. Or I could always come and live with you! I am totally kidding. I hope you thought that was funny.”
I’m sure she was kidding, but that kinda freaked me out. It just screams ‘clingy’ to me. IMHO it was:
- totally 100% a joke, but she’s clingy
- it wasn’t a joke, she was ‘testing’ me to see how I’d react to a statement like that
- she’s blatantly clingy and was hoping for a response like “If you can’t find a place you can squat here for a few days while you’re looking”
Whatever the reason, girls, don’t make a joke about moving in with someone you haven’t even met yet.
Yeah, this is how I would go. Stop asking idle chit-chat questions, start asking deeper ones. Either she’ll follow or she won’t.
I’m of the basic philosophy that if you scare her off by being yourself/doing what you feel, then she wasn’t a good fit for you anyway. And hey, you find that out without even leaving the house.
I wouldn’t do the “Hey, I’m free tomorrow” thing, because it does sort of put her on the spot. Maybe she actually would like to, but can’t change plans on short notice. Is there some innocuous event (like a street fair) coming up? Tell her that you were planning to go to Street Fair next weekend, would she be interested in joining you? Side bonus, it’s not a date unless the vibe makes it one once you get there (low pressure). And whether or not you’re going out doesn’t depend on her answer (that is, you have a life that doesn’t revolve around a total stranger, which is a good thing. 
)
I have some museum tickets I got for free that expire tomorrow…not really a big deal, but it’s a museum I wanted to go to and the tickets are free.
At the moment, it’s ‘her turn’ to send me an email (I send her a longish one about two days ago), and I’m hoping not to have to send a ‘reminder’ email. OTOH, something along the lines of “Hey I’m free Monday, Thursday and Friday this week…if it doesn’t work out this week, no big deal, maybe the week after” might make a great ‘reminder’ email since it doesn’t sound like I’m saying “Ummmm, still there?” and it doesn’t have the tone of “meet me in person or I’m moving on” It gives her the ability to say “not this week maybe next week” That ‘maybe’ leaves it open ended enough that we can keep talking while she makes up her mind.
With all these girls, I try to remind myself, that if they had no interest in me, they wouldn’t have responded in the first place.
Dude, all of the results are humorous. I scored ‘The Last Man on Earth’, so don’t feel bad.
Okay, you’ve all been very tolerant of my online dating stories…here’s my latest.
Met a really great guy, been seeing him about a month now. He’s intelligent, well-spoken, owns his own successful business, sweet, thoughtful, respectful, generous; I’m comfortable with him, we can talk for hours, he’s head-over-heels for me, and lets me know it every day. (I’ve mentioned this guy in recent threads) There’s just one problem…
I’m just not attracted to him.
Now, there’s nothing WRONG with him, he’s perfectly normal and average. But I just don’t sense any real chemistry, no real attraction. I’ve tried to give him a chance because everything else is so perfect, and I’ve been open-minded about it, but…I’m not turned off by him, but I have to admit that I still have no real desire to kiss him or…anything else. I mean, we have had some…activity…but given the choice, I would have rather done without.
I hate to throw him back just for this, it seems so shallow; I’ve been hoping that, as we get to know each other, that perhaps chemistry will start to develop. But in the meantime, he’s getting more and more involved with me, and I am wondering if it’s better to cut it off now, before he gets hurt too much; or to just enjoy it and see how it goes over the next few months. But he’s wondering why I’m not more affectionate, and I just can’t seem to bring myself to come out and say, “Well, I"m just not physically attracted to you.” I was hoping it would develop without me having to say it to him.
Can chemistry develop? Or is it really even necessary, when everything else is so great?
ISTM that throwing him back because there’s no chemistry is the opposite of shallow. Shallow would be if you were dating someone with all the above characteristics and had chemistry, but you broke up with him because he was balding. It would be even shallower if the balding didn’t bother you, but you were worried about what your friends would think.
This, IMHO, isn’t a shallow reason.