Featherlou - You’re so right about the farting. I can not stop laughing…I almost peed my pants. 
Davidbw1 - At least you are still in high school…here I am a sophomore (20 years old)in college and don’t know about anything on this subject. Oh well, we all have to go through this sometime. Know exactly how you feel. 
Look at it this way–it could be worse. A woman could chop off your…
Ahem. Nevermind.
I’m kind of in the same boat as you are, Ender; I think I’ve asked out fewer than ten girls lifetime, and I’m 26. To be honest, I’m about ready to stop trying altogether (it very well could be a bad idea; c’est la vie). I’d go into details, but can’t for reasons I’m not going to try to explain. Realistically I’ve never really tried that hard anyway because I think I always believed deep down that love would find me rather than the other way around. (OK, there’s that and those self-esteem issues that always pop up at the most inopportune moments…)
[Upon re-reading that, I wonder if guys like us actually are trying much harder than everyone else because the simplest thing like eye contact can be incredibly difficult.]
There are some excellent words here. The best thing I can think to add is that ultimately all those little screw ups we make aren’t nearly as important as we make them out to be. I mean, even if things go horribly wrong, life goes on. I know I have a tendency, especially with those first steps, to over-analyze every action because I don’t pick up on signals either. I suppose we have to strike a balance between apathy on one end and overreaction on the other.
(Now I just need to be able to take my own advice… And maybe take one or two lessons from that clever fish TruePisces. 
)
blush Just speaking from experience… both on the giving and receiving ends.
I meant the flirting lessons, hon.
(Wait, I made her blush… umm…)
But of course I was also, at the same time, referring to your astute knowledge of affairs of the heart. Yea. At least, I think that’s what I meant.
Or something…
Would you just kiss me already?
:d&r:
kisses mrblue92 long and hard
Something like that?
[sub](lesson one of flirting lesson: respond when flirted with) [/sub]
:flutters:
Yea, uh, something like that.
:comes back to earth, remembers certain things:
Pardon me, I must go to bed and cry now.
Damn. That’s NOT the reaction my kisses are supposed to produce! Maybe I should take my own flirting workshop to find out how I screwed up!
Well, thanks for the advice everyone. I seriously did not want this turning into a pity thread or anything. I mean, fine, go ahead and pity me, it’s not like I’m gonna stop you or anything, but I really just wanted to vent and this looked like a good place to do it.
As an update, I e-mailed her, she e-mailed me back saying (basically) to not worry about it. No big deal. And it wasn’t. The big deal is that through this experience I’ve found out that no matter how clueless I think I am about the opposite sex, there’s always room for improvement. Glad I’m in good company.
That said, I seriously cannot help but recite a quote:
I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you’re here at like the Gas ‘n’ Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
BY CHOICE, MAN!
(I love that movie…)
Don’t worry, it definitely wasn’t you. It’s that whole “bad timing” thing (in more ways than one).
Dude:
Having stumbled through a lot of relationships in my life, most of the time feeling exactly as you describe, I can safely say this about what you should do:
Nobody really knows.
Each relationship is different and each person different in each relationship. The only way to get a feel for how to deal with each experience is to keep on trying and try not to be too discouraged when you fail.
I can tell you one thing which has always held me in good stead: Be a gentleman. Never make advances. Never make the first move. Allow her to set the places, times, and limits.
Sounds like almost no fun at all, doesn’t it? What that will do for you is put a lot of women into the “friend” category. Which can really suck, I know. But when a woman does make the moves, show you she wants you to be more than a friend, it’s millions of times more rewarding. Belive me. And worth the hard work, heartache, and endurance.
So try to sleep sometime and don’t give up.
b.
Ender,
What Veb and the right honorable newbie Mr. Rubin said. Do what I do, when ever I see an attractive woman, married or not, I walk up and tell them “I hope someone today has told you that you’re beautiful.” It helps get over the fear of approaching beautiful women strangers and by all logic should improve your chances. Of course, years of doing this has never resulted in a single date, ever, but we shall not go into that right now.
It’s very much like musical ability, practice, practice, practice. If you are half as urbane and witty as you are here, most women (that you will want to know) will really appreciate your sense of humor. A light touch to things is always preferrable to a hurried rush to bed.
Oddly, after quite a while online, women are suddenly coming out of the Internet woodwork responding to my personals. Not a single date of course, but heartening none the less.
Hang in there.