If this endeavor fails, Lobsang I want you to know that you are free to court me and lavish me with oodles of your way too much money. You can court my husband too. (He needs the cash just as much as me.)
C’mon Man, your waivering! Stiff upper lip! Ms.Nic had many male friends and was very well liked and well thought of by many. Some of which had “me soundly beat in the looks, experience, money stakes”. Okay, there… I said it. But many were posers, users and players and none of them was me. Don’t talk yourself out of this. It sounds like you are rationalizing the retreat before it begins.
You are right about one point, though. The more time that passes, the more firmly you are cast in some role other than the one you want… and need.
Go now. The time is here. You will regret not trying forever, no matter how good the rationalization seems right now.
Do it for yourself and for her. Otherwise, she may get charmed into something with someone that does not hold her in the regard you do. We are all cheering for you. Think of all your supporters standing behind you.
Do it now.
Let us know.
Couldn’t say much in that last post because I was at work. Now I’m at home.
As of right now I am not waivering… If anything the feeling that she thinks of me as a work friend being stronger has strengthened my resolve to get this bit of dialogue (what ever form it will take) out of the way so that I can get on with being a work friend.
And an hour before shift-end (for me… here’s is six more hours at that point) I almost… almost said something. my heart was pounding as I sat poker faced pretending to be lost in thought. It got poundier and I felt the courage bubbling up I was going start badly I knew that… but I also knew I would then read her reaction and say something much less stupid… because the awkward(est) bit would have been over.
Then my mouth begins to open… Intake of breath… ping!
Someone had just come through the security door (this seems strangely familiar… as if I am cursed) and the moment is dead.
Next time I will get to be alone with her is the middle of next week. That’s when I get to show my inexperience and make an idiot of myself… and lose the final stip of cool that has been melting away since I met her. But that’s not going to stop me. I have to get that moment behind me so that I can start rebuilding the cool and self-esteem.
Right now for some more mundane waffle…
She taught me how to play poker today. I enjoyed the close proximity we had for that.
Almost forgot. She likes to order food (in to work). I usually don’t but I’ve not ate much lately so I asked her if she was going to get something today. She said she was broke and had x amount of money to last til payday.
A good few hours later I was starting to feel hungry. I asked “So what are you going to do for food?” She told me she has some bread in the fridge. I cut in “want to order something?”
“I can’t I’m broke”
“On me”
“What?”
“Want to order something on me… I’ll pay for it”
“You can’t do that!”
“Yes I can” (to me this is no big deal… I’ve paid for ordered food for friends before and not expected to be owed money)
Well she agreed… but I sense that I’ve put a foot wrong. I’ve just dropped the most pathetic proposal ever… or I’ve just planted a seed in her head that I am looking for something more than friendship… or I just broke a rule of friendship whereby you never ever ever ‘treat’ a friend to something without an implied return treat of equal value. Or it’s none of the above… but her reaction was unexpected.
After the dude that broke the moment came in we three played poker (not for money, this was just further schooling for me) It was fun while I lasted (had a few good hands and a mixture of good and bad luck) and then it was her and him (I played dealer for one round) And for her I didn’t matter any more. When we’re alone I’m her sounding board. As soon as certain other people are around I am relegated to sitting silently in thought while she talks to them. I am somewhere in the middle of the pecking order. Good for someone she’s known for a short time… not good enough for a future of being part of her life.
Was it like this before humans could talk? Can’t I just bop her on the head and drag her to a cave?
Not fair.
It sounds like you think this is a bad thing. However, it well be that she does not interact very much with you in the presence of others for fear her words and actions may reveal something to the outsider she does not yet want known. I myself have been guilty of such a smoke-screen. If I looked at a girl I liked or spoke with her around others, I was afraid they might detect my feelings inspite of myself.
Sounds like you have mustered your resolve. Good to hear.
Hang tough. We’re with you.
Nic
Thanks… I wish I could bump this thread with some progress… Alas I keep bumping it with almosts.
I’m not complaining (yes I am)…but…enough already for the love of god! Ask her the hell out already man. What about those of us that are living vicariously through you? You’re letting us all down.
pretty please with a cherry on top?
I couldn’t wait to see her again… I just sent her a text message… asking if she want’s to go for a drink… and if not just a chat she knows where I live.
Fucking hell if that’s the stupidest thing I could have done I don’t care right now. she’s turning me into a nervous reck… drinking every night because I couldn’t do a simple thing and ask her out.
The dates that always went somewhere with me were walks. You know, go somewhere (drinks, movie, whatever) and you are having a good time and want to keep talking so you take a walk. Hopefully in a quiet, fairly romantic spot in the moonlight. In the Twin Cities this means walking around some lake or another.
I’ll try to give you a little of her possible perspective on this, since I’ve been the broke one more times than I care to remember. Being broke sucks, and other people having money sucks, and having other people buy you stuff because you have no money sucks. She may have felt like a charity case; not a good thing for an honourable person.
Well? Don’t keep us in suspence. Any reply to the text? Remember, drinking every night will not look good on your resume’ with her. Don’t let it eat you up and defeat the purpose you have set.
Let us know.
Nic
No reply to the text. She has no credit on her phone but that is a weak case for not replying in some fashion. Borrow someone else’s phone, use the land line, buy some credit… No I think the text has took her off guard and she doesn’t know how to reply.
I’ve been kicking myself about that damn text all day.
I await that inevitable moment when the last of the day staff walks out the door and we are alone on thursday. If she pretends nothing happened and acts her usuall open friendly self I will be relieved. If she acts all awkward and says ‘yes I would like to go out for a drink sometime’ I will be worried.
If she keeps her back to me like she often does for periods of time (this is one good reason to suspect I am in her friend only box. Periods of high energy playfulness and chat followed by periods of being stuck to a computer… this is what work friends do) for the entire shift I’ve fucked up.
A change of strategy. Threads and relationships go at different speeds. This thread was a bad idea. Everyone egging me on. Me drinking so that I can update the thread and then sit and think of a lovely future/imaginary situations/ real memories (but really because I’d done sweet FA and the update here was to cheer me up). Being out of sorts the next day and only just being on the ball when I need to be. I was under the stupid mistaken impression it was for dutch courage… bollocks to that. No more drinking. No more daily thread updating.
I’m quite clever, sometimes witty, often cool, all when she’s not around. When she’s around I’m trying to be all those things so I get carried away. Why do I get people thinking I’m clever and ‘brilliant’ to quote my boss on many occasions and worth chatting with by all the cool people, and all the time having the courting ability of a bowl of lumpy custard.
On a lighter note… lets’ play some (joke) scenarios here for Thursday.
1
Me: Did you recieve that text?
L: No my phone has no credit. You can’t recieve texts when you have no credit.
M: :smack:
L: What text anyway?
M: The one where I declared my undying love for you and asked you to marry me.
2
Me: Did you recieve that text?
L: Yes you sick bastard! How dare you ask me to go for a drink! And to chat?! what do you think I am, some kind of whore!
M: Yes. So when?
L: Now.
3
Me: Did you recieve that text?
L: Yes.
Me: I feel stupid about sending it. I wasn’t in my right mind. We hardly know each other. Why are you coming closer. You’re not going to knee me in the knuphhfs:eek::eek::eek:
I will let you know how it actually goes… you deserve that. And I’ll probably still update this thread… I haven’t got the mental resolve to keep schtum about having tried or having had a good thread as friends yet again. I said the thread was a mistake but what’s done is done. It can’t be undone.
“good thread as friends yet again”
Er… that’s supposed to be ‘day’ not ‘thread’.
Damn fine work Lob, If you never took the shot it would haunt you for the rest of your days, I know this from experience. It’s really better that you rolled the dice.
Don’t be down and out too quick. Like you said, the text may not have gone thru or see would rather talk to you in person and is waiting till then. Don’t over analyze her actions between now and then, or when you see her in a group setting either. She may be on a positive note but unwilling to make a public showing. Hang tough, stay loose, assume nothing, wait and see with a positive outlook. The ball is in motion… the game is afoot. 
I’m sorry you have come to regret the OP. I hope it turns out well for you and her. I’ll continue to check in on your progress.
Chin up.
Nic
Deep breaths, Lob, deep breaths.
I know it’s tough, but you have to remind yourself that Lisa is not the center of your world. Step back and give yourself perspective (or at least room/clarity of mind to breathe) or you’ll drive yourself nutty. (Trust me on this…)
If you’re having trouble keeping her off your mind (and who can blame you?), take a day or two off to do the things you enjoy doing. A person who’s comfy in his own skin, who’s a whole, complete person is one who is more attractive to the opposite sex.
I know it’s very, very tempting to plan things to do with her, but it’s a lot more interesting (to her), and natural and fun (to you) to make plans to do something you like and then invite her along. You’re not asking her on a date (not exactly), and if she can’t make it then, hey, you’re going to be doing something you like. It’s a win-win situation!
(Haha, given my track record with girls, you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt, but then who knows—for you, it may actually work.) 
I can’t wait until Lisa joins the SD and sees this thread.
Nah, other way round, Cicero - if Lobsang disappears for a wee while, we’ll assume that he (and Lisa) have are too busy to be on the SDMB.
Isn’t there a Bank Holiday coming up soon? Perhaps that’s a casual chance for some sort of meeting or outing together.
Best of luck to Lobsang
Uggh… just do it!
Lob, you are setting yourself up for a long fall with all of this.
I hope it goes well, though.