The Punchline Thread (or, Cheer up Silver Fire)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I got my all four of my wisdom teeth taken out like 2 hours ago. I can’t talk well enough for anyone to understand me, and my whole face hurts. I’m bored, bored, bored so I thought you guys could help me out. I know we’ve done similar threads in the past and I remember they cracked me up everytime. I can’t even smile right now, let alone laugh, but I desperately need amusement.

I’m inviting you all to share with me your favorite punchlines. Please?

2

He was an ex-tractor-fan.
Huh? What are the rules?
(btw {{{Silver Fire}}}. ow!. Whoops. Sorry. Probably shouldn’t have hugged your face)

3

Oww. That sounds tough.

A carrot.

4

That does not sound like presidential candidate material to me. :smiley:

5

“Dem Fokkers was Messerschmidts!”

6

“Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!”

7

  1. No, but it happened to my sister.

  2. Here’s your fuggin’ canoe.

  3. You bastard! First you cheat me on the fare, and now you’ve drowned me little boy.

and the always classic…

  1. Five bucks, same as in town.
8

A stick.

9

A Walk.

10

Doug.

11

I’m a frayed knot

12

Skip!
Art!
Bill!
Jack!
Bob!
Hairlip! Hairlip!
With the babies, you can use a pitchfork!
Stick in a 10lb ham, and pull out the bone!

13

  1. Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

  2. You’re an asshole when you’re drunk, Superman.

  3. “Readit. Readit.”

  4. “Of course I ate them, what did you expect me to do? Shove them up my ass?”

  5. One to hold the bulb, and the other to hold the penis. I mean ladder.

14

Doyouthinkeesaurus.

15
  1. “How many times do I have to tell you? No, no, no!”
  2. A giraffe eating cherries.
  3. “Now where’s that little old lady with the toothache?”
  4. A brick
  5. “Wow, and he still believes in genies?”
16

Thats funny…It didn’t taste like a clit.

I’ll go away now…

17

I don’t know why seeing only punchlines (often to unknown jokes) is fun, but somehow it is.
Gerrupta Sing.
And now the punchline to a joke I (ironically, for it’s content) learned at an early age, that is one of the best jokes I’ve been told. Spoiler due to bad language.

[spoiler]What’s your name.

Fuck off.

What’s your name.

Fuck off.

Where’s your manners.

Outside picking shit up off the road.[/spoiler]

18

  1. “Now that you mention it, it was just a trifle bazaar!”

  2. “No, I don’t feel stupid, 'cause I bet those frat boys over there $1000 that I could piss all over your bar, and you’d just laugh!”

  3. “You see, Señor, the bull – he does not always lose!”

19

  1. “Oh, no. He learned his lesson with the cue ball. He’s just checking them for size.”

  2. “I would, but I don’t think I could fit another dinner roll up my ass.”

  3. Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

20

He leaves 5 children, 18 grandchildren, 23 great grandchildren, and a 20-foot crater at the Empire Crematorium.