Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Give a man a gun, and others will feed him for a lifetime.
(Per Norm, Cheers)
Women… Can’t live with 'em, pass the beer nuts
Guns just make bullets go really, really fast.
We’ll jump off that bridge when we get to it.
If wishes were horses, we’d be knee deep in horse puckey.
Blessed are those who run round and round in large circles, for they shall be known as big wheels.
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving.
Two heads are better than one, expecially on a crowded ship.
If God had meant for man to fly, He would have given us some means of discerning His intent.
He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
He who laughs last… didn’t get the joke the first time.
Does the pope shit in the woods?
Don’t count your chickens in the same basket.
My favourite is by the great sage Norm, and I’ve been beaten to that one. 
However it bears repeating:
Women, can’t live with them… pass the beer nuts.
Blast you Moose!!
He who repeats previous post, didn’t submit fast enough.
It’s NO fun 'til someone loses an eye!
I always thought it was:
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day,
Teach a man to fish and he’ll drink for a lifetime.
A fool and his money are a girl’s best friend.
If God had meant for man to fly, we’d all have been born with propellers on our noses.
I heard this on the radio the other day, so it must be fairly well known: “Well, it’s not rocket surgery!”
“Ahh, women. Can’t live with them…[awkward 10 second pause]”
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
“You know what they say about men with big feet.”
“Yeah, they need big shoes”
Useful for either gender:
Can’t live with 'em…can’t shoot 'em.
Can’t live with 'em…can’t sell 'em for spare parts.
It’s its not one thing - It’s my mother!
From Grand Theft Auto: Guns don’t kill people, death kills people.
The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray. Because anyone who trusts a mouse to make a good plan is too f****ing stupid to come up with a good plan himself.
A 7-inch vibrator is a girl’s best friend.
Alternatively,
My penis is a girl’s best friend.
Jeez, hilarious.
Guns don’t kill people, massive tissue damage kills people.
A friend of mine in college had another variation: Women–can’t live with 'em, can’t masturbate forever.
I heard this one from my brother, don’t know if he got it from somewhere else…
When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirt gun and shoot people in the eye.
“Guns don’t kill people, but they help. I mean otherwise you’re jsut stood there making silly noises…” Eddie Izzard
“Guns don’t kill people…f*** yeah they do!” Dunno
“Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.
Teach a fool to fish and he’ll probably hang himself with his own rod.”
“If at first you don’t succede…skydiving isn’t for you.”
“Violence doesn’t solve anything, it’s just really fun!”
Go take a dirt nap off a short pier…
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.
Not according to the American Whore-To-Cultural society.