It took 19 posts for the most iconic Burn’s line?
Exce…
Nope, not even gonna say it. It’s ruined now.
I could crush him like an ant. But, it would be too easy. Revenge is a dish best served cold. I’ll bide my time until… oh what the hell, I’ll just crush him like an ant.
“Release the hounds”
This is my personal fav besides
See My Vest, See my vest.
“Have the Rolling Stones killed!”
Similarly: " Tangle with me, and I’ll crush you like a paper cup!"
Then he tries to crush a paper cup, and fails.
“I haven’t been this impressed since I first laid eyes on a young bootlick named Waylon Smithers”
“Well, take your mind off contaminants for one night and have a hot dog.”
“Ah, the new Packards we’ve been hearing about”
Plus his bit on what stocks to buy to get his fortune back- amalgamated spats, etc.
“Ketchup… Catsup… Ketchup… Catsup…”
Use it every time I buy some.
From the one with Homer’s BBBQ:
Burns: “Smithers I’m thinking about donating some money to the orphanage…when pigs fly!”
[Homer’s pig flys past the window]
Smithers: “Will you be donating that money now sir?”
Burns: “No…I would still rather not.”
From a Halloween episode where Mr. Burns is a vampire:
Mr. Burns (over an intercom): Welcome! Come in! … Ahh, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead!
Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Mr. Burns: Well, son of a —
‘But sir --’
‘Just do it!’
“Confederated Slave Holdings, how’s that doing?”
“You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste!”
From Last Exit to Springfield, when Homer needs to urinate:
“Now Homer, I know what you’re thinking. I want to take the pressure off. Now, it doesn’t take a whiz to know that you’re looking out for Number One. Well, listen to me, and you’ll make a big splash very soon.”
Damn you. This is my favorite.
My wife, in fact, will occasionally preface a discussion with “Can I ask you a question?” to which I will respond with “Is it about my cube?” in my best Burns.
I used to do it when my wife handed me the phone.
And I have used “Ahoy hoy?” when answering the phone on occasion.
From Who Shot Mr. Burns:
“Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take candy from a baby, but with him out of the picture, I was free to wallow in my own crapulence.”
I occasionally tell people who ask what I did on the weekend, that I was wallowing in my own crapulence.
(When driving his own car for the first time)
“Look out for me! I’m a motorist.”
“Thanks for not making fun of my genitalia.”
From Lady Bouvier’s Lover
Smitten Woman: I swear, Monty, you are the devil himself!
Burns: [angry yelling] Who told yo --[catches himself] oh, ho ho, I, yes, yes, well, I’d say you’re an angel, but angels don’t dance like that.
“Doughnuts? I told you I don’t like ethnic food!”
“And all this time I was smoking harmless tobacco.”