About a rock thrown through his window:
BURNS: Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
Smithers: Sir, I believe that’s a rock.
Burns: We’ll see what the lab has to say about that!
It’s actually a Smithers line, but it’s in response to Burns:
Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!
Mr. Burns: What are you doing in my corpse hatch?
Chief Wiggum: Mr. Burns, you’re under arrest for murder.
Mr. Burns: Uh, did I say corpse hatch? I meant innocence tube.
So, how about that local sports team, eh?
Within earshot of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector who’s threatening to close down the plant: “Oh, Smithers, look at this huge pile of cash someone just happened to leave here! Let’s step outside for a moment and see if it goes away.”
Burns: Smithers! Who is that bookworm?
Smithers: That’s Homer Simpson sir.
Burns: Simpson, eh? His job description clearly specifies an illiterate!
WOW! I use a ton of these regularly. You really forget what an impact the Simpsons have on speech.
I’ll add one and then list others I use on a regular basis:
If you can take advantage of a situation in some way,
it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race
always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should
they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them?
Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!
ALREADY MENTIONED THAT I USE
Yet if I were to have them killed, I’d be the one to go to jail.
Well I say, hard cheese."
“Let the fools have their tartare sauce.”
“There’s a New Mexico?”
Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I’m so scared! Oooh, the Germans
Damned Roosevelt!
“Release the hounds”
“Have the Rolling Stones killed!”
“Ahoy hoy?”
“I was free to wallow in my own crapulence.”
“Thanks for not making fun of my genitalia.” (I say this to my wife.)
“Hmmm. Simpson, eh…?”
The Rory Calhoun bit.
Take that, covenience smart! (it is smart not mart in the quote)
And if it’s a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I’ll soon be guilty of that!
The only ship worth a damn is friendship.
Well, that’s leprosy for you.
So, how about that local sports team, eh?
Great thread.
I like the follow-up, on returning to the room: “Look Smithers, the cash and a very stupid man are still here.”
In the “Bobo” episode, where Burns is pondering over how to reward Homer for finding his lost bear: “I can’t pay you much of a reward, because I’m strapped for cash.” (The ceiling creaks, and gives way under the weight of accumulated gold coins, jewels and other treasure items, which cascade onto Mr. Burns, ending with a gold crown atop his head and burying him up to his chest in a pile of coins) “As you can see, this old place is falling apart!”
Burns: I should’ve known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt.
Smithers: With pleasure, sir!
Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Smithers “Sir, I’m afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre.” Mr.Burns “I ought to club them and eat their bones!”
About Mr. Burns, but not by him… the campaign consultant, speaking to the Simpson family before the Election Eve dinner, says something like, “What we want you to do is to show how much you admire and love him, while being very careful not to actually touch him.”
To Homer: You’re not as dumb as you look. Or sound. Or our best testing indicates.
Damn it Mattingly!! I said TRIM THOSE SIDEBURNS!!
Slight nitpick: The actual quote is: “The Japanese?!?! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders??? Bosh! Flimshaw!!” (Two great exclamations that I try to work into conversation.)
That is probably my favorite quote, along with “Let the fools have their TAR-TAR sauce.”
The Seussical Burns from the episode where Homer leads the strike at the SNPP.
“Look at them all, through the darkness I’m bringing
They’re not sad at all, they’re actually singing!
They sing without juicers
They sing without blenders
They sing without flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers!”
One that I use often:
“Furious George? What happened to your beautiful face?”
Usually, it’s preceded with a “He ain’t pretty no more.” It’s from the monkey knife fights taking part on his yacht when Homer was watching the place.
And it’s Montgomery Burns’ father who says it (the younger Burns is at his side, half-grown and licking a lollipop, but already wizened and hunchbacked).
Burns [To Reverend Lovejoy]: “Too late!! You’ve already signed the deal!!”
Lindsey Neigle: “Actually he hasn’t”
Burns: “Oh…well then we welcome your input…until you sign the deal [shakes fist]”