One that we use a lot:
Homer: That’s the problem with marriages today, Marge. Communication. Too much communication.
Homer, on spotting some wildlife: “D’oh! A dear! A female dear!”
Detective Don Brodka: “If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I’d be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.”
I use that one at least once a week.
“Catfish?”
I just noticed my dumbass mistake.
D’OH!
That’s all right, deer.
Homer just relax.
(Homer’s gut expands several inches)
YOU! Conceal it.
Homer: D’oh
Lisa: A deer
Marge: A female deer.
Jasper: Who shot who in the what now?
I say these whenever someone is trying to describe something that I cannot grasp.
Reminds me of a Krusty retrospective show where he showed clips from earlier shows – in one he was singing the Doors’ “Break on Through” against a psychedelic background, mostly while writhing on his back:
KONTEMPORARY KRUSTY: :eek: What was I on?!
Then there was the bit with Sideshow Raheem (black, huge and Afro’d):
KONTEMPORARY KRUSTY: Angry young man . . . angry . . .
And Krusty’s interview with Robert Frost:
“But, this car can go up to 24 kilometers on a liter of kerosene!”
LISA [babysitting for Bart, who so resents being put in his younger sister’s charge that he’s been fucking her with prank phone calls all evening]: Hello, 911?! This is the Simpson residence! My brother just broke his arm!
911 OPERATOR: Simpson?! Oh, no! We’ve already been out there tonight for an emergency sisterectomy, a case of terminal buttrot, and a leprechaun fight! How dumb do you think we are?!
PUT IT IN ‘H’ !!!
Moe turns his bar into a gimmicky restaurant (with help from Your Gimmicky Resturant by Fuddrucker and Bennigan), Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag:
(Moe appears with a plate of Million Dollar Birthday Fries attached to his head)
Moe: Here you go, here I am! Uncle Moe! Thank you, ma’am! This’ll be a treat- here I am, Uncle Moe, while you eat!
(Sherri and Terri clap)
One of 'em: Do it again!
Moe: It’s her birthday, too?
Both of 'em: We’re twins!
Moe: [sighs, with less enthusiasm]: Here I am. Uncle Moe. Eat your fries. Eat ‘em.
Homer: It’s always been my lifelong dream to own the Dallas Cowboys.
Marge: I thought your lifelong dream was to appear as a contestant on The Gong Show. And you did it in 1972, remember?
[Flashback to The Gong Show. Homer and Barney are in a giant pair of pants playing Oh Suzanna on a giant harmonica. One of the judges makes an angry face and hits the gong several times]
Homer [wistfully]: We got more gongs than that breakdancing robot who caught on fire.
Bellamy: Hi. I’m June Bellamy. I do the voices of Itchy and Scratchy.
Homer: You? But you’re a lady!
Bellamy [in character voices]: She’s a lady, all right- a beautiful lady.
Homer: It really is you? How did you get so good?
Bellamy: Just practice, I guess. I started out doing Road Runner. Meep!
Homer: You mean “meep meep?”
Bellamy: No. They only paid me to do it once, then doubled it up on the soundtrack. Cheap bastards.
Homer: Is this going out on the air live?
Bellamy: Very few cartoons are broadcast live. It’s a terrible strain on the animators’ wrists.
Some of those bits involving Krusty’s past are very funny. One of my personal favorites is in the Rear Window parody episode where Bart breaks his leg (“Bart of Darkness”). At first, he’s happy because he doesn’t get to go to school and can watch all the TV he wants. Unfortunately for him, Krusty’s off for the summer, and he’s stuck with an (ugh) “Klassic Krusty” episode in which, for some reason, he is interviewing AFL-CIO chairman George Meany. The idea of a clown hosting a serious talk show is just funny for some reason.
I think this was the episode where Homer joined the Navy Reserve.
“It’s my first day!”
Grampa Simpson (as a strikebreaker):
We can’t crack skulls like we did in the 30’s. All we can do now is tell stories that don’t go anywhere. Like the time I decided to take the train to Shelbyville. I had to get a new nail for my shoe. So I decided to take the train to Morganville, which is what we called Shelbyville at the time. First thing I did was tie an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to get to Shelbyville cost a nickel, and back then, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. “Gimme five bees for a quarter!” you’d say. Now…where was I? Ah, yes. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have red onions, because of the war. All you could get were those small green onions.
(I can’t believe I typed all of that from memory!)
Dad, you shot Zombie Flanders!
Because I’m much too lazy: what was the FIRST spoken line of The Simpsons?
If you count the Tracy Ullman shorts, it was "Good night, son."
The first line of the series itself was "Careful, Homer!"
Is that boring or what. 