The relationship fairy comes to visit you and...

I tell the relationship fairy that he/she/it is wrong and to screw off. It doesn’t get any better than this.

The Fae have to tell the truth, so if the Relationship Faerie says there’s a 9 out there for me, it’s solid.

However, Fae can’t be trusted, so it’s probable that the 9 is, in fact, a 3 year old, or married, or the wrong gender, or allergic to my dogs, or on Death Row or some other facet that would make the 9 unattainable.

Therefore, I would blow the Relationship Fairy off. And no, I would not permit my memory to be altered. The Fae are like anthropomorphic earthquakes. Do not engage.

Eggzackly. Maybe passing this test is telling the Fairy to piss off - I’m happy with what I’ve got.

Um…I live along the San Andreas fault. Is this something I need to be concerned about? Aren’t earthquakes bad enough already?

The Earthquake Fairy can also fuck off.

I’m not sure the math works, because I’m not in a relationship at the moment, and 9/10 * 0 is still 0. Besides, the idea that there’s be One Of The Ones in this little town is ridiculous. There wesn’t One Of The Ones in freakin’ Toronto, for heaven’s sake. I think the Relationship Fairy is messin’ with my mind, is definitely a dick, and is probably an agent of PETA or The Illuminati or even Stephen Harper (and you know what a control freak he is).

Given Melbourne has 4 million people, if there’s just one out there, you’re pretty much into lottery material finding them. So screw looking for the rest of your life looking for someone you have basically zero chance of finding anyhow. If this means theres lots of 4, 5 6 7 and 8’s out there as well though, that might be worth thinking about - assuming a 4 is 33% better and a 6 is twice as good, who needs a 9, thats just being greedy. But I dont know how they’ve convince me of such a thing without some kind of evidence.

What people seem to be touching on is that relationship is not just ‘a really nice person’, ie that a lot of this comes down to what a relationship ‘is’. After a while its about knowing who a person really is, shared experiences and connection, as much as it is about the person.

I guess there is also the dirty trick aspect where maybe the reason its a 3 is because the fairy knows all sorts of things you’re shortly going to find out, like affairs with the rugby team, goats, a plan to kill you for the insurance and they’ve been sneaking broccoli into your food for the last 4 years. But I assume thats not part of the deal, ie your relationship is what it is and you’re not being massively deluded about or lied to about the current relationship.

As in being able to guarantee a 9 relationship suggests some level of fixed future/fate or at will ability for people or beings to screw with my brain whenever they feel like it being necessary to make that occur which wouldnt impress me at all, I think Id rather have my memory removed for that reason rather than the 9ness as such.


I’m single, but I think you’re screwed either way. Fairies may look pretty, but, as mentioned above, they’re devious. If they know you’d never leave her, then they know it won’t turn out well. If they know you would, then that won’t. In fact, probably neither choice is good.

The only way it could possibly work is if the fairy is a Tinker Bell to your Peter Pan. If it’s actually in her own best interest to keep you happy, it might work out. (And, of course, Tink is the rare good-hearted fairy.) And, honestly, I think it would be fun to have a relationship with a magical creature. But only as long as you never break up. So maybe that wouldn’t work, either.

Naw, I’m with the Send the Fairy Packing with Extreme Prejudice crowd. Over our 20 years together, Mr. Cake has always my best firend even during our worst moments. We’ve put a hell of a lot of work into this relationship and the thought of starting over with anyone (I’m talking about you, Alan Rickman) is a big no. Besides, if this is a 3, a 9 would probably kill me.

Relationship Fairy is a real bitch. My husband is awesome and has been there for me through a lot of rough times, and vice versa. Sign me up for the short-term memory wipe.

I just passed the 13 year mark with my 3. We put in the time. What does “9” mean anyway? I think I’d ask for the memory wipe - it’s not as though this dick fairy is helping me find my 9 anyway.

Yeah, a pox on this fairy! She comes around here, I’m gonna rip her wings off and feed 'em to the dog.

Goodness, if this is a 3, I don’t *want *a 9…my endocrine system seriously couldn’t handle it!

Nope, the fairy can piss right off. Not because we’ve been together for decades (we haven’t) but because we’re together right now, on the path that we’ve chosen together, and I’m annoyingly happy right now. Could I be happier elsewhere? I seriously doubt it, but even if I could, it would be abandoning this adventure before it’s done, and I want to see how it turns out!

Plus, I adore him too much to do that to him. “Sorry, hon…I know I love you and you love me, but this dick of a Dick Fairy said there’s something better out there…for me!”?! Heck, no. Maybe - MAYBE if I had a guarantee that there was a 9 out there for him that he could find, then it would be a difficult decision. But I could never experience that level of happiness knowing it came at the expense of his happiness. I don’t mean I’m too good a person, I mean I just couldn’t. I’d be too guilt ridden to enjoy it!

Since I’m a huge pussy who rarely takes chances I would tell the fairy to fuck off. Bird in the hand and all that.

I’m single and am just now, after nearly 6 years, starting to think I might be brave enough to meet someone. So yeah, I might go look. Are there any other stipulations?