I’m not in a relationship, but I’d like to chime in to say that I’d almost always ask that the Relationship Fairy remove my memory of having met her. When I’m walking down the street every woman I pass might be the perfect one for me. Unless the Fairy is offering to help in any other way (which you already said she isn’t), I’d say no unless I was getting ready to break up with my current girl anyway.
Also, I think you’re going to get a lot of responses along the lines of “My partner and I are perfect for each other! We’ll never break up!”
It’s funny. My boyfriend and I pose these silly hypotheticals to each other all the time, and I know we discussed this one and continue to refer to it. “But you’re my 3!” But I can’t remember now what I even said.
I think I’m aware that there could, potentially, be a better match for me somewhere. After all, finding a partner is as much about location and luck and timing as it is about personality.
I think I’d be shocked at the huge disparity between what I think our relationship is and what the rf was saying. In the end, I think I’d say that I’m staying where I am, and erase my memory please.
I don’t think there’s anything particularly helpful about being told “there’s something better out there for you.”
Rating my relationship on a scale of 1-10 isn’t terribly important to me. The way I view things now, I have a certain set of desires to make me happy as an individual and within a relationship, and if those desires are being met, I’m going to be very satisfied. I’m not going to abandon a happy relationship for the possibility of discovering a relationship that makes me even happier. This is, in my mind, akin to saying, “You’ve won the lottery and you have $10 million in your bank account. But you COULD give that up and pick the right numbers that will get you $1 billion! The right numbers are out there. You may or may not find them. Good luck.”
I’m generally not a fan of going around being ignorant, either, so it’s hard for me to say I’d want my memory of the encounter to be erased. As is, I recognize that it’s possible that there’s someone out there who is a better match for me (and maybe more convenient, since I’m doing the long-distance thing). But I’m very happy with the woman I’m with, and I don’t feel the need or even the desire to go searching for something better.
And just to counter ACM’s comments, my relationship is not perfect, and I’m not predicting that it’s going to last forever and ever. I’m just happy where I am with whom I’m with.
Well, it’s with the face in the mirror in the morning, so no surprise there.
The first question I have is whether the 9 is reflexive. She may be a good match for me, but how good a match am I for her? If a good match (not necessarily at the 9 level), then I definitely want to make the attempt. Otherwise I’d rather forget.
In my case, it’s a fairly definite, “Probably not.”
For one thing, this new guy, whoever he is, he wasn’t the one at my side through the darkest points in my life, he wasn’t the one showing extraordinary levels of commitment through countless trials by fire. I went through some of the worst experiences of my life with Sr. Olives at my side, and he didn’t even flinch, never hesitated, never once even considered walking away. He dragged my ass out of bed, fed me my medications, and kept telling me that I was wonderful and someday I would believe it and things were going to be better. He didn’t do that for a few weeks or two months, he did it for years.
One day, I started believing him. It was a long, slow road back to life, but because he was there, I made it.
And for that I’m going to walk away from HIM just because my life might now be conceivably easier with another guy? Fuck that noise. The very least I owe him is my faithfulness. As long as he will have me, I’m his to have.
I know my Mig and I are not perfect for each other. My life could probably be a whole lot better with another person. I may even know that person. But I love him, and he loves me, and I guess perfect or not, we’re in for the long haul. Maybe that’s what perfection really is.
What exactly does a relationship fairy look like anyhow? And how would I tell the difference between the relationship fairy and the wicked witch? It could be a trick!
I agree with olives. Relationship Fairy can drop dead. Whomever the 9 is, he isn’t my husband and father of my kids, understander of our stupid in-jokes, reader-aloud of books, and many many other wonderful things.
My favorite thing I’ve read on the boards for a long time.
I don’t understand people who start a relationship that they see as a 3, and don’t expect ever to grow beyond threedom. But I can totally relate to not giving up on one.
My own current relationship is hovering around 3 or 4 (and some days 5) but that’s right now. We’ve been a 9. If I didn’t think we ever could be again, I might think about bailing, but we can.
I’m not inclined to trust the fairy. My gut reaction is “screwing with you”.
More directly to the OP, I believe pretty firmly in “better the devil that ya know”. If I trusted teh fairy not to just be screwin’ with me I might opt for memory removal, but my knee jerk reaction is to politely decline any brain meddlling. Thank you very much and charge it please.
No, the Relationship Fairy is talking about a 3/10 RELATIVE to some other relationship. She’s saying ‘‘You might rate your current relationship as a 9, but really it’s a 3 compared to who you COULD be with.’’ The Fairy in essence is challenging your own perception that your relationship is as good as it gets.