Trusted Idiot Lieutenant Odieman!
Please conduct preliminary interviews with the prospective employees, and return your findings to me.
In the absence of the overlord, I shall serve as his guided hand. Please make note: he who hesitates is lost. Or is killed.
My absence?
You dare call that ^ my absence?
Number One, submit yourself to Swimming Riddles for her nefarious
“Bean Bag in the BigBook” punishment.
Then rub some dirt on it and get back to work.
Lexicon, sir, I shall never fall 2 minutes behind again. I blame my ISP, whom I am actively working to change, in order to better serve.
In spite of the fact that this was not my falut, I sumbit myself for punishment, to show the rest pf the legions of doom how to properly atone.
OK new recruits here is your questions "If you were a tree what kind would you be? Please explain.
Do you object to sneaky underhand dealings?
Do you give yourself willingly to us the foes of all that is light and good?
Where do you picture yourself in five years?
Keith
Notification!
I am a befuddled but nosy mid level city functionary who’s suddenly stumbled across your odd organization’s heavy and unexplained overuse of the city’s power grid and somehow feels that ANSWERS MUST BE PROVIDED!
I will be stopping in now and again to pry in either a heavy-handed or bungling-yet-abusive manner to get to the bottom of this!
And don’t think I don’t see you all smirking behind my back! I just KNOW something fishy is going on here… (Just wait’ll the Mayor’s office responds to my Request for Consideration of Possible Investigative Considerations; oh yes, you can hide, but you can’t, er — well, just wait, anyway!)
You may be sure that I’ll be back. Oh yes.
This message has been simulposted to the SDMB Legion of Honor…
Being the self proclaimed blueslady, I feel I have much to bring to this legion. I have studied the blues, which is chock-full of songs about the most evil of women. I am very bad…(mwa ha haaaaa)…even my spelling is bad!
What, am I evil chopped liver?? What does a busty, alluring redhead have to do to get hired around here? Sheesh!!!
(Plus, I’m trying to get a position with SingleDad…double agent, anyone? Hmmm?)
2)Nope, it doesn’t bother me (unless it’s done a lot).
3)Uh huh
4)I plan to have a CS degree and be getting a masters or going to Berklee college of music. Other than my goals I can’t picture myself down the road otherwise.
-MM
Sad.
Evil Underlings here…Evil Underlings there…seems like you can’t turn around without bumping into an Evil Underling.
And not one of 'em’s named “Guido”.
-David
Falcon, you’re hired. Report to my chambers for a “briefing” at 2300 hours.
Bring wine.
Thank you, MC! I’ll be there in my black leather secrect agent outfit. Plus the bottle of wine.
List the members of the SRC and let me see if your version compares to mine.
Coldfire, get this taken care of as soon as possible. Can’t afford to have curious do-gooder types frontin’ on us. If necessary, please feel free to enlist the aid of our silent killer asassin type, or use a scantily clad female agent.
It seems as though things have been going swimmingly. I had thought that my visit to my test tube today would slow things down, but it seems as though I have chosen well.
I have sent a transmission to The Odious SingleDad (may flesh eating bacteria feast upon his sypillitic marble bag!) in an effort to dispell any notion that he has more than a pigeon dropping’s chance of defeating our illustrious organization. Alas, due to a malfunction of certain equipment, I did not make the impression I had hoped for…
Therefore, struuter, you are to be summarily executed. Tradesilicon, take this one to silo that he may use him for target practice and then-Ultress whispers in Lexicon’s ear- Hmmmm… oh, that’s right. struuter, you are hereby given a second chance. I pardon you. Now go and fix the VoiceOtron!
Hmmm. It occurs to me that it is possible that none of you have been reading the manual. This is most unfortunate, as it is quite enlightening. I would hope that you all find the time in your busy day on my payroll to peruse it,
OR ELSE…
<Dramatic dun-dun DUNNNNNN! in the background.>
You heard him! Snap to!
Lexicon, whom shall I dispatch to mercilessly taunt those goat felching do-gooders?
(Enters hurredly, straightening lab coat and pushing glasses up her nose)
Many, many thanks, Evil One. (and especially Ultress…) Everything is up and running. The aforementioned malfunction, if I may say so Sir, was not my department’s responsibility. Apparently the unnamed underling sent to retrieve the item in question did not obey orders and went to a large, warehouse-type department store. When the unnamed underling could not find the brand name item we requested, he instead bought a cheaper, generic brand. When the mistake was uncovered, the underling was imprisoned awaiting Your judgment. I have chided him and belittled him according to the guidelines in the manual.
I hope, Sir, my modifications to the hidden cameras in the opposition’s headquarters will be of use to you. We have, excuse me, Evil Female Scientist SwimmingRiddles has nearly perfected her final work on the high intensity olfaction neutralizers. These small devices disarm the enemy with just one spray of mind-numbing mist which is absorbed into the skin, leaving the victim marked for hours with the pungent, malodorous fumes. And we have expanded our scents from Georgio to include White Diamonds and Charlie. I hope this pleases You, Most Wicked.
struuter
After much consideration, as Evil Scientist, I have decided that the entire Evil Science Division shall from henceforth speak with a none-too-convincing German accent.
Zeee prrrreparations arrrre eeeeiiin orrrrder, EEEEEEEviiiil OOOOverrrrlorrrrd.
SwimmingRiddles: To ensure your proper deference to the Supreme Master, Lexicon, you and your team shall be required to reply to each task with “Ja Voll, Herr Commandant,” or a reasonable facsimile thereof.
Kat: We require a status report on your ALF infiltration. The sooner the better, as the books must properly be balanced. Make sure you submit the original copies of every receipt.
Lux Fiat: Report to me with your salary request immediately. You will note that I said request instead of demand. The reason for this is that as w world-class organization, we maintain not only the power to pay you very well, but to have you asassinated if your demands are too high, thereby eliminating the need to put unreasonable demands on payroll.
Silo: It is time to begin your tour of terror by listing the reasons that the Legions of Doom will prevail over the Legions of Honor, those mulching worms. Your best ideas will be taken as fertilizer for our Evil Crock Pot of nefarious schemes.
TradeSilicon: I charge you with removing Sake Samurai from our midst. This will be your first test of bouncing skill, so do your best.
I will return with further instructions from our master. In the meantime, please carry on with your current tasks, always keeping in the back of your mind the need to develop wicked plots to exercise.
In deference to our Leader,
Mr. Cynical
Progress report, your Evil Overlordship. President of AOL is now curled up in a sodden heap in my basement. Keeps repeating, “Whaddya mean, you think they discontinued it?” and shrieking.
Do we have any janitorial-type lackeys? He needs to get cleaned up quick, or he’s gonna ruin my leather wallpaper.
Oh, and Im still waiting on some suitable gadgets with which to dispose of him from Inky or SwimmingRiddles. And my big wad o’ cash.
Ja, Busty-assassin-type. I sink meine assistannnnt haaas zeee deeeevice fur deeesposal. ** ASSSSSITAAANTTT!!** whhhar ist zeee flaaame throweerrrrr?