“Your picture is on God’s refrigerator.” That’s what the sign said. Man! It made me think. God would need a refrigerator? Really? I mean, come on! It’s God were talking about here. He could probably hold an ice cube in His hand in the middle of the Gobi Desert with no problem. (And not have it melt, that would be the important “God” part to that. Heck, I could hold an ice cube in my hand in the Gobi Dessert, but I’d have a hand-sized puddle pretty quickly.) But the church said He did and churches as a general rule aren’t all about lying to people. Are they? No, I didn’t think so.
But then I picture God. He’s a little peckish and wants some ice cream. Even God would like a little ice cream now and again, right? Or some gelato. He can be like that. Head off to His refrigerator for some ice cream and then decide “No, no I think I’ll have some gelato” and then have some gelato instead of the ice cream He started after.
Let’s say God did go for His ice cream. He’d stop and look at all the pictures on his refrigerator first, just because He’s that way. Don’t worry, it’s the one where you look really good, not, like, your driver’s license photo or the one from seventh grade where you have this horrendous hair and the big zit. Only good pictures on God’s 'frige, that’s a rule. (At least it should be, so I’ll say it is.) He’s in His bathrobe and slippers and humming to Himself trying to decide what flavor He’s in the mood for. Probably something exotic, like mango-kiwi, but I think he’d wind up settling for chocolate of vanilla or something like that. Maybe one of those ice cream bars on a stick. A Dove bar. The vanilla kind dipped in the chocolate. I’m not going to speculate on if it’s dark chocolate or the better milk chocolate. That’s for scholars to figure out. Not me.
But there’s God, reaching for his ice cream bar and that jingle runs through his head. “What would I do for a Klondike Bar? Well, I’d just alter reality so I’m sitting in the middle of a cosmos devoted just to dumping a boatload of them in my lap. Yeah I think that would be enough. Heh, heh.”
So God rips into a box of Drumsticks (because that’s what he decided on at the last minute) and goes off to do whatever God does all day. But He’d have His ice cream and He’d be in a better mood for it. Maybe there’d be less smiting that day. We could only hope.
Do you think waaay in the back of God’s 'frige there’s some mayonnaise that’s pushing it’s expiration date? Or a jar of olives that’s gone all squidgey? Do you think there would be one of those jars of gourmet mustard with just one taste out of it because it really wasn’t as good and the label made it seem? If God were to get up in the middle of the night and want a sandwich, would there be enough of that really good imported ham, or would He have to stretch it out with some roast beef? Does He always get the zipper bag all the way closed? Because, sometimes you know, the zipper just doesn’t want to line up and no matter how many times you chant “yellow and blue makes green” your half an onion still makes your cheese taste a little funny.
I’m pretty sure God’s refrigerator would have water and ice in the door. It might even be one of those cool freezer on the bottom deals. But I figure God would have a regular one. Maybe side by side, but I think God would have an upright. Freezer on top. In white. With all our pictures on the front. Held on with magnets from touristy places on the side of the highway. Not big Destinations, like Branson, but little places, like the World’s Largest Concrete Chicken or the Tallest Cane Rocker. I think God has seen Rock City, and gone out of His way for Amish jellies.
It’s pretty amazing what you’ll think about if you drive by a church. And keep your eyes open.
-Rue.
) God would still tell you how good your picture is and he’d put it on the fridge with two magnets to make sure it stays in place and doesn’t slide when the door is closed a little too hard.