Whimper. When you’re on your way to your tent each night? Stop by my place, m’kay? I really go for a gal who appreciates a nice leather. 
Well yes, normally my charcter keeps spare Viagra with him, just as a sixteen year old virgin faithfully keeps the 6 month old box of condoms in his car.
Although, being in the middle of the non-industrialized world my supply has run out. Not being able to deal with this, I tank up my vehicle and go in search of a flower that cures impotence problems, rumored by natives to grow on the east facing side of cliffs in the highest of the mountain regions
As I pull out of camp, knowing the dangers of being captured and inhumanely tortured by rebels, in my own pursuit of this natural wonder drug, I slowly ease my souped up sports car up to speed.
Driving off into the sunset, clouds of dust being kicked up from underneith the vehicle, and “on the darkest highway…cool wind in my hair…smell of colitas rising up through the air…” the eagles play on the stereo. My vehicle disappears off into the horizon, only the cloud of dust still remains.
No one knows that I left or where I was headed only a note left on my bunk that simply states: RECON
Suddenly, there is a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and Astroboy appears, resplendant in his purple silk tights (rolled up socks inserted, of course) and American Flag cape…
Astroboy to the rescue!
What?
We’re NOT rescuing anyone?
Disgusted, Astroboy prepares for flight… but suddenly stops…
What? $5 million? Well, I’m supposed to be rescuing people… Oh, what the hell! Sign me up!!!
::Finds the note Nicklz left behind. Smiles knowingly::
And she’ll be singing…
I wanna be an Arden Ranger!
I wanna live a life of danger!
Damn it, Johnny! Now my cat thinks I’m insane because I can’t stop giggling!
Well, I don’t know, Astroboy…
Have you been a * bad boy?*
Okay, here’s the rest:
Two old ladies lying in bed
One rolled over to the other and said,
“I wanna be an Arden Ranger
I wanna live a life of danger
Blood…guts…danger
That’s the life of an Arden Ranger!”
Or how about…
*Arden Ranger raving mad
She’s got a tab I wish I had
Black and gold and half moon shape
Arden Ranger, she’s gone ape
Jumpin’ through windows, kicking down the walls
Arden Ranger’s havin’ a ball
So if there’s a trouble in the world today
Call on the girl in the Black Beret!*
OK. That’s going in my sig file for future use
I need someone to torture (besides my husband)…can’t someone go out and capture somebody?
We need some intelligence!
Flyin’ low in Afganistan
Terrorists hidin’ in the sand
Pickle my bomb and watch it land
Napalm sticks to kids
Okay, I just made that up. The actual [The Napalm Song]](http://asa.npoint.net/asaballd.htm) is pretty brutal, BTW.
Yeah! What Sue said!
That last line applies on so many levels…
:eek:
I sure am glad I don’t have to provide those.
Incidentally, where does the “military” part come in? Do you have to salute before and after?
::After handing out Iridium phones to anyone who might need them to call home to their mommy, Tuckerfan, breaks out the Nera World Communicator, points its antenna at the sat and begins firing up his other equipment, including a small box which appears to have US military markings on it, that he doesn’t let anyone see too closely. Surveying the other Dopers going through their “warm up” exercises, Tuckerfan realizes that it’d be more accurate and profitable if he changed the webcast’s url from http://www.Raid-on-Bin-Laden.com to http://www.Doper-Desert-Orgy.com, so he stops zooming in on all the equipment piled up and focuses his camera instead on Erika’s rear as she bends over to “check out some gear.”::
**
What do you mean thinks*?
-Jester, who would never miss an opportunity to get some love from a gorgeous anime-babe. Rowr.
Good, good. You will probably appreciate my new boots.
Okay. You are “The Spiritual Leader” Besides knowing all about weird “herbs” you also frequently say things that resemble fortunes from cookies.
The Other One You got your flame thrower and tank…but no 70’s music. You listen to Trance only and frequently get “special herbs” from bodypoet. You like textured surfaces and hugging people.
Erika You get everything you want. Remember…you’re sleeping with Saint Zero. Even though he’s the macho gun guy, he’s a submissive in bed.
You want good boots, check these out.
Kickass or what?
Just stating that hummers are those big things the military uses. But if you go to a dealership they have them equipped for civilans.
http://www.affluentauto.com/
Civilians use Hummers. Military use Humvees.
Here, here, Johnny, High Mobility Muli-purpose Wheeled Vehicle, HMMWV. Gotta love 'em.
*C-130 rollin down the strip
Arden Ranger gonna take a little trip.
Stand up, buckle up, shuffle to the door
Jump right out and count to four.
If her chute don’t open wide,
She’s got a re-serve buy her side.
If that chute don’t open round,
She’ll be the first one on the ground.
Rifle, KaBar in her hand,
She’s gonna burn that foreign land.
If she should die before she’s done
Box her up and send her home.
Lay her rifle across her chest,
Tell Uncle Cecil she done her best
Don’t lay her down into the ground,
Cause she wants to hear that Mercenary sound.
Sound off…*
[sub]OK, I made some of that up, so shoot me, or at least lock me in a room with Sue wearing those boots
::shudder::[/sub]