The people in this room are really not that smart. But they think they are, which is what annoys me. One of the attorneys was on TV last night in a response to the governor’s speech. I didn’t see it, and asked one of the people here if it was an equal time speech. She said, “No, it was shorter.” Sigh. I said that “By an ‘equal time’ speech I mean…oh nevermind.”
Maybe I’m just impatient.
I, like, thinksnow, use commas in, I think, the proper place, yet it seems like there’s a whole bunch of’em.
I like run-on sentences. I know when they’re incorrect, but I also type like I talk.
I bought two awesome $160 sweaters for $20 each two days ago. Unfortunately, the one I really liked has sleeves that are far too short. This is a standard, as I’m built really funny. My arms and legs are freakishly long considering my height, and I’m extremely hourglass with a torso that is only something like 18 inches long. As a result, I usually look pregnant if I try to wear something non-form fitting. I hate this.
Many months ago I stopped flirting with everyone on the boards, excepting a few I had flirted with previously. I like this a lot better, but I still read flirt threads and get pissy that I’m not mentioned.
I really wanted to put a smiley at the end of the previous sentence.
As crazy as ChiDopes get, it was wonderful to utterly blend into the background at DopeToberFest. Barely anyone even knew I was there, and that was great. Of course, I still got pissy that I was barely mentioned in the threads. I’m sensing a trend here.
I should be driving my car within three hours. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am now that my luck has finally turned around. Now I’m worried that I’ll collapse at the pressure of working 14 hours/day, six days/week for several months. At least I’ll be eating.
I quit smoking again. It’s easier this time than it has been. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.
I’m sure I’ll think of more later.
Although I normally do not do this, I think a correction is warranted.
Drop the “,” between “like” and my handle. Additionally, you have, I think, the option of placing one after “yet.”
[sub](Unless you also want to take the comma out from between the “I” and “like”…?) I wish I could use winkie-smilies here.[/sub]
I think you’re right. That makes you the smart one.
[sub]Damn no-havin’-smileys-thread[/sub]
Whatever I say or post is true but I DO choose not say a lot of things.
Anytime I’ve met a Doper f2f, DopeFest or not, I’ve been petrified.
Only one Doper truly knows me. He knows what a needy, whiny bitch I can be, how I really feel, and stillsupports me. I don’t deserve him.
I generally think and speak in a very straightforward manner, and tend to interpret other people in the same way. This often causes problems in my interactions with fellow humans, because I often give people more credence than they give themselves, which confuses and angers them.
I have found myself intimidated by posting here in the last year, even though when I first came here 2 years ago I wasn’t afraid of saying anything at all. Now I sometimes feel like an outsider, but for no other reason than my own silly fears or insecurities.
I sometimes wonder if there’s anyone who remembers the soap opera I created when I did some crazy stuff a couple of years ago. Or if BurnMeUp is still around.
I’ve opened this thread six times, prepared a post six times, and erased it six times. In order to avoid fearing that I’m the Antichrist, I’m going to change that to 776.
I am enough of a dork to think to myself “chmod 776 <post_id>”.
I’ve been incredibly nervous the past few days. I’m chewing on my knuckles, pacing frequently, and accomplishing nothing at work. I really don’t know why. I feel like I’m alternately on edge or incredibly relaxed.
I’m going to go to lunch now.
Well, first off, I have to say wow. Jarbabyj, I’m not sure what kind of marriage you have, and it’s none of my business, but personally, if I were your husband, I would annihilate your tail. Talking about having sex with someone else, whether you know them personally or not, and then talking about being heartbroken when they don’t return the feelings. You say that your husband reads your messages. That doesn’t bother him? I would be extremely bothered if the person that I were espoused to talked about being heartbroken that their feelings for someone else weren’t returned. And what if Coldfire were to return the feelings and wanted to actually meet you? After what you said, you seem to be ready to throw yourself at him, but then you say you are flirting. That is some heavy duty flirting. Would you truly hook up with him? Just curious.
HerMajestyLorna, I have indeed noticed your name around and about the boards.
I think I’m pretty straightforward, especially since I post a lot of advice, particularly about anything to do with animals. Of course I also love a good continuing story or game too. I try not to flirt, first because I have one child registered and another waiting for his thirteenth birthday, and secondly because I’m kind of shy that way.
Hi Bobkitty. It’s 1:10am here, so this is a bona-fide “Good Morning!”
I’d like to mention that not every marriage includes complete possessiveness - physical AND mental. My husband also reads anything he likes of mine. He also knows, however, that I’m not going anywhere, and is secure enough in that to understand that not everything one FEELS must be acted on. I’d imagine that Jarbabyj and her husband are secure enough in their relationship that, for them, sharing everything going on in their heads is not a cause for defensiveness or jealousy.
That’s how mine is, anyhow. And I’m not talking about the physical sexual aspect at all.
Hrm, and another truth-saying…I don’t actually like that really salty Virginia ham that eveyone down here eats with biscuits at parties. I think it’s really dry and kind of nasty. I’ve been PRETENDING to like it my whole life because everyone on my mom’s side of the family thinks it’s ambrosia, and I didn’t want them to think I was a freak.
Well I waited to see what you guys posted before I cut lose. Cowardly act I’m sure, not really. I’ve just been busy in other threads.
Well I’ve been called a slanderous, arrogant bitch on the board. Does that bother me? Not in the least. I’m not easily intimidated at all. I have four brothers, three older than me and one younger so I haven’t had time in life to let others run over me or those three brothers would have killed in childhood.
The only thing I actually worry about on these boards is that I tend to come across at times very harsh and unfeeling, which is actually very untrue. I would not take the time to post if that were the case. I hate for people to think that no one is reading their posts or recognizes them. It is true I will admit that I don’t look at the names of posters, most of the time just the content of the thread. But after a while you actually begin to recognize the style of posters and you don’t need to see their names to know it’s a post of theirs.
I cannot imagine for the life of me that Hama would be intimidated by anyone.
Awwww… ::nuzzle:: Good morning to you too, hun.
I’m excited about this weekend… my new sewing machine came in, and I can’t wait to open it and read the manual. And it’s almost the end of the semester, so if I can finish up most of my homework I can coast the next few weeks. And I’m going out tonight to see the meteor shower. Gads, all that makes me sound boring!
I’m really, really curious right now as to exactly WHY the CD for Chess costs $35. I might break down and buy it anyway, then when Anthony Stewart Head’s CD comes out next year I can put the two brothers together.
I’m afraid I’m gonna have to side with jarbaby and hama on the marriage thing. For a further explanation, feel free to search for Superdude’s serious doper crush thread. I think I’m on page 2.
I should be cleaning the house right now, but I’m too caught up in the boards and another board I host. And today is puppy bath day, which always takes a better part of the afternoon. Guess I should get started. After I place this amazon order… anyone need anything?
-BK
I like this board, because I have learned a lot about things in general and human nature especially.
Thank you!
This post will probably be good for me, because I am never capable of being straightforward, even though I try all the time. I picture myself saying exactly what I NEED to say in a given situation, but I’m too terrified to follow through. I open my mouth, but I can’t make the words leave. When I’m hurt or upset by someone, I laugh it off and pretend I don’t care, when I truly do. I spend too much time wanting to be like other people when I should be happy with myself. People IRL know me as a flirty, happy-go-lucky, smart, bitchy girl who is always in control. But I don’t feel that way at all. I am so afraid of being honest about myself with people who care about me that I either push them away or give them what I think they want. which is not truthful. The flirty, happy Sarah is really part of me, but it’s not the main part. There’s so much more that I choose not to show people for fear of having my feelings rejected or ridiculed.
There’s this Ani DiFranco song I love called Anticipate, and it to so true of me, especially this part:
There I am in seven measly lines.
Do you ever go through periods when something shitty happens, and you handle it, and you think, “I can handle it all, I am so strong,” and then everything in you life breaks apart and you think, “Why am I being tested? Why?” I’ve felt like that recently. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster lately, and I haven’t told a soul. I just bottle it all up inside. It started with M, the guy I’ve been friends with since last semester. I liked him, he had a girlfriend, so I backed off. We were incredibly good friends and had a blast every time we hung out.
But over the summer he did break up with his girlfriend, and he confessed his feelings for me, and I for him. So we started dating. For the first few weeks, it was perfect. But then things got truly weird. Every word we said to each other was misunderstood. We unintentionally pissed each other off every time we were together. There were a lot of horrible silences that dragged on forever. There were a lot of pissed-off looks in class, back-stabbing comments, and general rudeness. I’d like to say he started it, but it was something both of us did. Now we can’t bear to look at each other. There were all these built-up expectations, and then they just imploded for both of us. There’s a lot of physical attraction between us (a new sort of thing for me), so through it all we kept having sex, which left me even more depressed, because I want to be with someone I truly care about, not someone I can barely stand. So I felt very used up because the sex was like fucking a stranger or something. It was not enjoyable except on a very base level, and I really need the emotional connection that just wasn’t there.
The only thing I can come up with is that sometimes, when I really care for someone, I tend to romanticize them and turn them into a myth of perfection. Of course no one is perfect, so eventually they mess up and my myth comes crashing down, and then I hate them for not living up to my expectations, which were too high anyway. I don’t know if I do this to insulate myself from relationships because I’m afraid of being rejected and having my feelings hurt (see first paragraph), or because I’m a perfectionsist. I expect perfection from myself, but usually not from other people unless I truly care for them.
So M and I finally broke up for good last week. Tuesday. It hurt really, really badly, because what had started out wonderfully just blew up. Before the relationship, I pictured myself marrying him. I thought he was that perfect. But now we can’t even look at each other. We made hideously painful small talk afterward, and then he just got up and walked away from me, while I was midsentence. It took every ounce of strength I had to not fall apart.
That sums up my feelings on that matter. I didn’t act the way I needed to in order to make the relationship work.
Also last week…
On Sunday, I broke my pinkie and ring fingers on my left hand in the cardboard compacter at work. It was the most painful thing I have ever felt. I passed out after it happened, and they had to take me to the hospital.
On Monday, I found out that my father, who I haven’t seen in ten years, is dying of liver failure because of his alcoholism. I don’t know if I care or not.
On Tuesday, M and I broke up. Then I had to teach a class on a poem about…love and tenderness. It was really, really hard.
On Wednesday, I found out that my brother, who in the past was a heroin addict and went through rehab, is using again. Now he supposedly quit, but we’re not sure we believe it. It pisses me off because I mainly consider myself an adult because I take responsibility for my actions and decisions, either good or bad. I make a LOT of mistakes, but I always deal with the aftermath as best as I can. I don’t depend on my family or friends for anything I need. Well, I depend on my parents for a rent-free existence, but other than that, I am a rock. I don’t ask anybody for anything. So not only have I been pissed at my brother for acting like a child, I’ve been concerned about myself for taking it to the other extreme.
On Thursday, I found out that I’m not getting the money I need from the government for tuition, so I was terribly afraid for the past week or so that I wouldn’t be able to go back to school. School matters so much to me because I can only see myself accomplishing my goals with a college degree. I’ve had it reiterated to me from the time I was a child that a college education would lift me up from poverty, that being smart and educated was my best defense against the world. So it means more to me than anything else in this world. I was so upset and worried, but luckily my parents applied for a loan and it went through. My mom doesn’t care that much because she has the money to pay it off, but I feel terribly guilty for making my parents pay for something I should be able to take care of myself.
Friday, Nov. 9th, would have been my Aunt Elaine’s 47th birthday if she hadn’t died last January in a car accident. I went to her grave for the first time with my mom, and it was so sad to see “1954- 2001.” That’s so short a time. Then we visited my uncle, her husband, who was really hurting, and then my aunt Cassie. My mom, Aunt Elaine, and Aunt Cassie were super close all their lives, so we all just cried and remembered her the best we could.
I also found out this place was going PtP, which ruined my mood even more.
On Saturday, I was humiliated by this really awful customer. She reamed me out for something that totally was NOT my fault and got the store manager (who doesn’t know me at all) into it, and for a while I thought I might be out of a job. Luckily, we got everything straightened out, but it was really frightening for an hour or so.
It was the worst week of my life. And what really sucks is that I want to depend on other people in times like those, but I’ve gotten so used to taking care of things myself that I didn’t even know how to ask for help. I just cried for the first time in a long time, which kind of felt good, but not really.
Sometimes I just get so sick and tired of putting up this front that is depleting and hard to maintain. When someone asks if I need help, I want to say yes. I want to be able to just depend on someone, and trust them, and not worry about holding my cards against my chest. I think it would be so refreshing and beautiful to just myself fall and wait for someone to catch me. But I don’t think anyone will.
That sums it all up for me.
I think this is a really interesting thread. It points out how we habitually present things in ways that hide the truth. It reminds me of that old “Three’s Company” episode where Jack decides to tell the absolute truth all the time. He ends up pissing everyone off.
So… we must take care that in being completely straightforward we don’t alienate people. Social conventions exist for a reason.
Having said that:
I’m intrigued by Jarbabyj. And I kind of hate admitting that, because she’s already “popular” on the boards and gets enough attention. But maybe she’s popular for a reason - she’s very bright and writes in a way that often makes me laugh. I can just imagine her addressing a guy on the subway: “You sir, with the balls.” I don’t know what Jarbabyj looks like, but I sort of wish she and her husband were swingers. That’s not a flirt, just fact.
I’d like to attend more of the Dopefests and such, but sometimes I think I’d rather remain completely anonymous and not meet members face to face.
I think Creaky is a kiss-ass.
I suspect there are a fair number of people on these boards and IRL who would like me to stop being so straightforward all the time. Tough.
I told my husband this morning that I think it’s a lot of women’s secret fantasy to be wanted by all men or all women or all people, but to say that aloud would sound vain.
But I do. I want every man in a bar to pay attention to me. And my husband knows that, and he desires the same for himself. He and I were notorious flirts and smooth talkers before we got married, and we can’t just turn that off after getting married.
I am a monogamous Christian woman and I would not cheat on my husband, not with Coldfire, not with Till Lindemann, not with anyone. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it, and I know he thinks about other women as well.
We’re very honest about it and it in fact leads to interesting conversations about fantasies or appearances or our relationship.
I love him so much it makes me cry sometimes, and he feels the same about me.
jarbaby