So I am sleeping the sleep of the sinus medicated last night and from somewhere in the distance I think I hear water dripping. I blink a few times and try to figure out if I’m dreaming or really hearing water going down the drain in our shower. How many cold pills did I take anyway?
“Honey…do you hear that?” I say to Sauron and then I realize he isn’t next to me.
I sit up and listen closely and yes…it IS water…just a slow trickle of water going down the drain. Then I hear the shower turn on full force.
Has someone broken into our house and is now using the shower? Where is my husband? Is he sick? Should I go help him? Is one of the kids up and needing a shower? Have I overslept? Is it morning yet? What time is it? Does this have something to do with the rapture happening on Wednesday? If so, why the hell am I still here?
I turn on the bedside lamp and see poor Sauron shuffling back through the bathroom in his T-shirt with a dazed look on his face.
I ask, “Are you okay? Is everything alright?”
He responds, “I’m not sure. For some reason I got up to go to the bathroom and it made perfect logical sense to me to pee in the shower.”
WTF? Our shower is a huge walk in glass enclosed one. He had to open the door and step over into the shower to perform this feat.
Now I get up first in the mornings, take my shower, put on my clothes and makeup then go wake him up and get the boys ready for school.
I HAVE TO TAKE MY SHOWER FIRST and now I have the knowledge that he took a piss in that very shower a mere 4 hours ago and ran the water for a little bit to rinse it down the drain but I’m sure he didn’t CLEAN it. I mean I betcha there was some splattering and whatnot going on.
I seriously consider going upstairs and using the boys’ shower but I don’t want to wake them earlier than I have to.
So at 5:30 this morning I was cleaning our shower so I could get ready for work because for a reason God only knows my dear and loving husband pissed in it at 1 AM.
I’m confused. Did he shower and simply not get out to pee(understandable) or get in the shower for the sole purpose of peeing(a little on the weird side)?
It was 1 AM…he wandered into the bathroom and apparently walked into the shower instead of turning to the right and walking to the toilet. He competely thought it was perfectly logical to pee in the shower in the middle of the night.
He was not taking a shower. He turned on the water after he came to his senses and realized what he was doing.
Well, I’ll stand up for Sauron here. He turned the water on to wash it away. And you’re getting in the shower to CLEAN yourself after all. I’m a pig and a poor house keeper, but I think the scrubbing of the shower at 5:30 am was a bit extraneous.
I’m sure you’ve been splattered with stranger fluids
You promised not to air our personal stuff on the board – what we do as consenting adults was strictly between us.
I’m seriously disturbed that you’d break your …
What?
Ohhhhh. The OTHER strange thing I did with my penis last night.
Never mind.
I honestly don’t know what possessed me to get into the shower to pee last night. I wasn’t terribly coherent, but I never am when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee. And for 37 years I’ve managed to differentiate between the toilet and the shower at 1 a.m. Why last night was different is a mystery … one that, despite our advanced knowledge and technology, may never be solved.
I just pray that tonight I don’t wake up and think that I need a shower. I was sorta-kinda able to explain peeing in the shower. I don’t think I could come up with a reason for bathing in the toilet.
This is surprisingly common. I remember one time watching teevee in the shared house where I lived with some male friends – it was late, Friday night and we were all pretty wasted. One of the guys was asleep on the sofa (the younger brother of someone) while two of us were watching the late-night film. All of a sudden he wakes up, walks over to the teevee gets his cock out and pisses all over the video recorder – while the two of us just sit there sharing a spliff.
Then he went back to the sofa and laid down again. We looked at each other and decided we had to wake him up so he could clean up the mess. He didn’t have a clue. Video still worked, though.
Many other instances. I recall one guy used to piss in his Cowboy boots (in the wardrobe) so often his girlfriend put them in the garage.
. . . these are all drink-related stories, often with recreational substance assistance, from a *long, long * time ago . . .
Aries, I say this in the nicest possible way, but given Sauron’s Y chromosome, and his 37 years on this earth, it’s almost certain that he’s peed in the shower many times prior to this.
And the sink, and the rosebush, and the air conditioner, and down the heating vent, and…
It could be worse, it could be worse. There is a certain state, not entirely unlike being hypnotized that I find people enter, when woken by odd stimuli. You are reasonably aware that acting like a chicken is silly, but it’s okay to do it anyhow.
Myself, I managed to unplug an alarm clock, walk down the hall and into the kitchen, disassemble it, wash it, put it in the dish rack, walk back into my bedroom, and crawl under my bed to sleep, once.
