Couldn’t resist.
“Just think, Earth was a cloud of dust 4.5 billion years ago … 3 billion years ago, the first bacteria appeared, then came sea life, dinosaurs, birds, mammals, and, finally, a million years ago, man. Now in 1988, there’s me. The acme of evolution.” - Calvin
“Oh PLEASE” - Hobbes
“Help! Help! I’m being repressed!”
“A cult is a religion with no political power.”
- Tom Wolfe.
“Shorter lived and longer gone; can you figure out?” - Stone Temple Pilots.
Don’t you want somebody to love?
Somebody To Love Grace Slick“Listen up, people! I’m using the magic word here!”
- my 7 year old daughter (after asking if she could ‘please’ have
a candy bar).
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: How tall are you, private?
Pvt. Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Five-foot-nine, I didn’t know they stacked shit that high.
“Africa was very interesting,” said Ford. “I behaved very oddly there.”
He gazed thoughtfully into the distance.
“I took up being cruel to animals,” he said airily. “But only,” he added, “as a hobby.”
“Oh, yes,” said Arthur, warily.
“Yes,” Ford assured him. “I won’t disturb you with the details because they would…”
“What?”
“Disturb you. But you may be interested to know that I am single-handedly responsible for the evolved shape of the animal you came to know in later centuries as the giraffe. And I tried to learn to fly. Do you believe me?”
–Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe, and Everything
[sub]Hope you found out what the Question was, Doug**
“Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don’t need it. If you are sick, you shouldn’t take it.”
-----Henry Ford
“Hold up, guys! I gotta grease up my Junior! …What the hell did I just say?”
-Me as my friends are walking away from me at Arby’s as I’m trying to put Arby’s sauce on my sandwich.
*“I am a Manly Man, venturing forth in my Mazda Protege to hunt down meat to drag back to my cave. I am keen of eye and care not that my windshield is streaming water like Niagara. I shall resist turning on my wipers until several pedestrians have caromed off my hood.” *
-our very own Jackmannii
“Purity
is obscurity”
-Ogden Nash
“We’re enjoying sluggish times and not enjoying them very much.”
-George H. Bush
“Disco Stu doesn’t advertise.”
-Disco Stu
“I’m going to quote myself” — mikahw
“Everybody’s hugging!!”
– Ralph Wiggum
“If you don’t quit fucking around on the internet, and get your ass back to work, you’re outta here.” - My boss, 5 minutes ago.
“For business reasons, I must maintain the outward signs of sanity.” -Mark Twain
“I justify my existence as an example to some and a warning to others.” -Me, to Sophie
Hi Opal!
Ladies and gentlemen, the funniest joke in the world, auf Deutsch:
**Meine schwein hat keine nase.
Wie riecht es?
Schlammiges!**
“You bent my wookie!”
-Ralph Wiggum of the Simpsons
Nani?!?!
That should be “I bent my Wookie”