About the mother of Homer’s half-brother, the carny/hooker:
“She was a beautiful girl and she would do something for me that your mother would never do: have sex for money!”
<followed by the girl kissing one of the throwing balls and winking at him>
“The pictures… they’re… coming… alive!!!”
same scene, just a little later…
“Finsher her! Finisher her!!”
Naked and on medication with bedpan on head:
“Look at me! I’m Speedy Alka Seltzer!”
“You know, your mom was a demon in the sack!”
“Bring on Sha-Na-Na!”
And earlier, using the bedpan as a drum:
“The Swedish are coming! The Swedish are coming!”
Wow Grandpa. How come you know so much about American History?
“I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets.”
and to reprise the OP, what I thought when I first saw the title…
anyway, I was wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style in those days…
Abe’s advise to a young Homer
"Son, you’re as stupid as a mule and twice as ugly. So if a stranger offers you a ride, I’d say take it! "
and
“Eh…you never know what you’re capable of. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane, but last year I proved myself wrong”
Homer: You’re cute as a bug’s ear.
Lisa: Fathers have to say that stuff!
Homer: [sees Grampa walk pass] Dad, am I cute as a bug’s ear?
Grampa: [poking head in] No, you’re homely as a mule’s butt!
Homer: [to Lisa] There, see?
“You’re nothing but a hoochie! Hoochie, hoochie, hoochie!”
“I am the Lindbergh baby! Me want my fly-fly daddy!”
“I am the Lindbergh baby! Me want my fly-fly dada!”
Not to throw a wet blanket on this, but never forget that Abe declared:
“I was the one who canceled Star Trek!”
Grandpa talking about WWII.
“and that is how I recieved the Iron Cross”
Also WWII:
“He’s a Nazi! Get him!” - encouraging his buddies on PT-109 to attack Lt. John Kennedy, after hearing him rehearse his “Ich bin ein Berliner” speech.
“…to make a long story short… is a phrase whose origins are long and rambling.”
I don’t think this one’s been posted, but this and the apple pie quotes are probably my favorites: (may not be exact wording here)
Grampa comes out of an outhouse and says
“This elevator only goes to the basement, and someone made a real mess down there.”