You sure bet you don’t!
Actually, Mr Cotta has one and if kept clean it isn’t a big deal. I even used a Biore strip on it once. No problems.
Me? I’m just lucky.
Jose Cuervo is a liar.
A 3-year-old will eat the ant he has picked and proudly shown to you.
What it’s like to have a child with leukemia.
I discovered that the airbags on my old Toyota Corolla worked fine.
I also discovered that a broken heart can take many years to heal.
You can do the right thing, for the right reasons, and still feel like crap about it for a long, long time.
Breaking a friend’s heart hurts almost as much as having your own heart broken.
Saving yourselves for marriage doesn’t mean you can’t get an STD.
If you try to launch an air-powered toy rocket by throwing a bocce ball onto the bladder as hard as you can, you should expect that the bocce ball will rebound off the bladder, nailing you in the forehead and knocking you on your ass. The kids standing around will thank you profusely for showing them how not to launch a rocket.
Oddly, using a bowling ball in a similar fashion results in a spectacular launch with no ill effects.
If there’s a gently arcing fly ball moving between the catcher and the pitcher, and the pitcher is named Big Al, you should definitely let him get it.
Gumballs look a lot like paint balls.
That old chestnut about not defrosting the freezer with a sharp object? Is true.
If you try to put brown hair dye on platinum-bleached hair, your hair will turn a slimy teal greenish blue. And fixing it will cost you a bunch of money and turn it into brownish straw.
A shot of tequila every hour on the hour is a terrible idea.
Sometimes you should ask for help instead of trying to do it by yourself. My most stellar example of this was trying to move the futon frame into the basement (it didn’t come apart at that point in its life) while my husband was out. I almost trapped myself in the basement with the frame wedged in the bend in the stairs - think Douglas Adams and part of the couch in a different dimension.
Checking out E-Bay whilst drunk can be expensive.
Checking out E-Bay whilst drunk can be expensive.
ARGH - previous post by ME - didn’t realise my friend had left himself logged in. Sorry, sorry.
I know this one from personal experience, except it was late October. I expect the highway sign I knocked over is still lying down.
Telling your boss you’ll quit if you don’t get a raise doesn’t work if they call your bluff.
It’s possible for your vomit to taste surprisingly like what you were drinking a lot of two hours before. Corrolary to this, it’s a good idea to eat sometime in the twelve hours before drinking.
The extended warranty is never a good idea.
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Do not fight the periods of your life when you are suffering from “insta-karma,” just don’t say anything bad about anyone (one exception: to your spouse. Apparently, you can bitch to him all you want.)
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When you say the words “wow, it seems like no matter what I do, nothing seems to go wrong” and you pause and feel like the gods might have heard it, they did (see bad case of “insta-karma” above).
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Do not give ferrets 8-9 hours a day to undo all your ferret-proofing efforts while you are not home.
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Pot and alcohol do not mix, you end up more sober than before you began.
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Choose the guy whose friends all follow him, not the guy who follows his friends.
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People have an amazing ability to rebound from loss and horrible circumstances, but the toughest part is wanting to survive.
Is it really any of your business as to why dahfisheroo has the dating standards that he/she does? I don’t date guys with nasty teeth or guys who can’t keep up with me intellectually; I wouldn’t have to explain myself, and those guidelines are just as arbitrary as “had a bad experience with one of the subset” is.
Don’t lick a 9-volt battery.
To hijack this thread even further----
I am a chick.
I am happily married.
I am not looking to date anyone.
/hijack over
Hot Pan + Hot Oil + Cold Wine = Oily wine all over the damn place.
-Patience is always a good idea: if you try to rush it, 90% of the time you’ll screw it up in some way.
-If you try to defrost a freezer by pouring hot water into it, the ice will melt into a surprisingly sharp edge.
-If you try to explain to the doctor, in Korean, how you sliced the hell out of your thumb and lack the vocabulary, you will gather a large group of amused and puzzled doctors and nurses trying to figure out how you cut your thumb on “cold water! VERY cold water!”
-No job is ever as simple as it seems that it should be, or as cheap to do as you imagine that it will be.
Even though crayons will melt on a hot light bulb, water dropped onto the same bulb won’t sizzle and boil off.
Firecrackers will cause a Coke bottle to explode.
Indiana state troopers will run radar on traffic coming the opposite direction, and upon detecting a violator, will U-turn and issue the citation.
Oh yeah, Idaho actually does police its interstates, the fines are nice and low, but it’s a hassle getting and mailing a USD money order. (I still tease my husband about doing 85 mph in a 75 mph zone and getting caught. 75 mph isn’t fast enough for you, Mr. Leadfoot?)
Even if it’s really cute and cheap, never buy a half slip two sizes too big. You’ll be very embarrassed.
If you ever buy Oscar Meyer Cheese dogs, don’t hold the hot dog facing you and squeeze it to see where the cheese is. Yup, I squirted hot cheese up my nose.