Things We Can Do Safely Now That The Terror Threat Has Been Lowered

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21
  1. Beat up umpires.
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%^. Stop paying attention to the news, and start paying attention to your nails.

#&. Take the “No Christians or Jews here” sign out of your front window.

*!. Talk back to your mother.

$*. Resume writing letters to your penpal, Mr. Osama bin Laden.

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-3. Reply to Happy Lendervedder’s delightful correspondence ( remember to open the letters away from the face ALWAYS AWAY FROM THE FACE! )

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41 (+ or - %^). Gleefully make lists about things that we can do now that the terror alert has been lowered.
42. Stop goofing off at work
43. Resume goofing off at work
44. Make a fort out of your couch cushions and plastic sheeting

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45a. Go to the airport to meet your friend Jack, crack everyone up by yelling “Hi, Jack!” when you see him.

45b. Ask pilot if he has been drinking/is a terrorist before takeoff.

  1. Make up violent ways to tell people the spelling of your name over the phone. For example, if your name is Dan:

Yes, that’s ‘Dan’. ‘D’ as in “destroy”, ‘A’ as in “American”, ‘N’ as in “nonbelievers”.

26

  1. Drink the stockpiled Bud right now

  2. Put the bath-tub petrol back in the lawmower

  3. Take the dinner table out of the bathroom

  4. Cancel the ‘Big enough to take an alsation’ bar-b-cue

  5. Put downstairs dog back onto stand-by

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[sup]On second thought…might be useful to prevent SARS.[/sup]

  1. Spend more time obsessing about SARS.
28
  1. Go back to calling them ‘French Fries’.
29

??. Continue to hate ‘Will & Grace’

// . Take dirty bomb to laundrette

  1. Start using products with oil derivitives again
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3.14 Use some of that duck tape to finally repair our badly damaged ducks.

(I can’t believe I’m blowing post #2500 on this nonsense.)

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48ish: Decorate greeting cards with festive baking powder, and send them off to our favorite legislators.

49ish: Shout “I’VE GOT A BOM…bastic mother in-law!” on a plane, with hilarious consequences.

50ish: Be of Middle Eastern descent without getting arrested.

51ish: Use duct tape and plastic wrap as God intended - to dispose of corpses.

52ish: The same damn things we were doing before.

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  1. Bask in the glow of the soothing yellow light.

  2. Borrow buddy’s uniform and go visit Scout.

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:smiley:

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  1. Now that the pressure's off, take the time to learn the details of the color coded terror alert system, so we won't panic the next time the terror level goes to purple, pink, gold, silver, bronze or maroon.
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  1. Start focusing on the Red Communist menace from Russia.

  2. Scale down our forces and begin other “liberations” such as ‘Operation Kentucky Freedom’.

  3. Drink heavily.

  4. Quit saying “If you don’t do this, the terrorists have already won.”

  5. Stare directly at the sun.

  6. Turn that bomb shelter you built in the backyard into your own personal “love shack”.

Tripler
I’m full of ideas.

36
  1. Finally respond to the request for titty pics from sxyUday1000@hotmail.com
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  1. Finish epic poem about terror alert levels; yellow, it seems, rhymes with ‘fellow’. That last one was a bitch.

  2. Resume custom of nightly airport slidewalk rides. It may be wise, however, to refrain from yelling “WHEEEEE!” for a while yet.

  3. Try and return the Geiger counter.

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63.2. Leave the wimpy hybrid in the garage and take the 500 hp 6-ton SUV. And no carpooling, either. Weeeeee!

39
  1. Stop boiling everything in the house.
40
  1. Break out the Brian Urlacher voodoo doll from storage.