Things We Can Do Safely Now That The Terror Threat Has Been Lowered

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41
  1. Send more threatening hate mail and crushed vicodin to Brett Favre
42

  1. Order the “Jenna Bush Goes Wild” video.

  2. Buy “Biohazard” haz mat placards for my trailer.

43
  1. Nothing different than you did during the heightened alert.
44

We can’t do anything safely, some fool in Michigan is opening the Cooler of Evil.

45

  1. Call post office, try to have all those last-minute panic-stricken “we’re all going to die, and I love you!” letters recalled

  2. Except the one to jarbaby

  3. Get pilot’s license

  4. Break out the bong

46

YAY! (grabs Potter)

47

  1. Sneak over to ex-girlfriend’s house and delete drunken answering machine message you left her back when you thought we were all going to die.

  2. Remove nuts from cheek pouches, put back in secret oak tree hiding spot.

  3. Huff model cement.

  4. Huff model cement.

  5. Pretend you never married the dog so as to not die single. Burn wedding video.

48

  1. Sneak over to ex-girlfriend’s house and delete drunken answering machine message you left her back when you thought we were all going to die.

  2. Remove nuts from cheek pouches, put back in secret oak tree hiding spot.

  3. Huff model cement.

  4. Huff model cement.

  5. Pretend you never married the dog so as to not die single. Burn wedding video.

49

  1. Resume scratching ourselves in unmentionable places.

  2. Re-attach miniature novelty handgun to keychain.

  3. Mow the goddamn lawn, already.

50

  1. Resume mailing out free baking soda samples to members of Congress.

  2. See if I can get store credit for 50,000 gallons of stockpiled drinking water.

  3. Finally take down all these %&!@ flags.

51

  1. Go back to wild frolicking late at night in parks without worrying about those nasty blister agent attacks

  2. Convince Grandma that she really can take down the blackout shades from over her windows now