“Wanna see my photos? !!!”
237 lame ass iPhone pics later…
“Okay, that’s album 1!”
“I used to be bipolar/schizophrenic but I’m better now, so I don’t need to take medication.”
“Can I call you Mommy?”
“Are your children good looking?”
And a real one I’ve experienced- “I’m fighting my ex for custody of our 3 year-old daughter. Not because I really want her- I just want to make my ex’s life hell.” (I got up and left the date right then.)
That was Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.
I should have known that a guy who was “single-single” and who insisted so much on it wasn’t going to be “single-single”. I mean, yes, he was unmarried.
But he was unavailable for dates 3 weekends/month, as in each of them he had one of his three kids - each was by a different woman. You know what? I don’t care what kind of paperwork did you get or not get, if you have even one kid out there, you’re not “single-single”.
No, there wasn’t a second date, why do you ask? Seeing his partner hauling two underage girls around didn’t help (we were in our 30s, the guys were cops), but by then I already knew I had no intent to become baby momma number 4.
I really want this relation to work. I’ll save a ton of money on hookers if it does.
If you get any strange e-mails from the Center for Disease Control you can ignore them.
I think issues of personal grooming and hygene are really over rated, don’t you?
I think you are really hot, but I’ll bet your mom is even hotter.
Today
Date: “I am a woman who is full of life.”
Me: “I don’t know what that means…as opposed to full of Cheerios?”
It went downhill from there.
Aw, she’s no fun. I would have laughed and the date would have gone “uphill” from there.
“Can I ask you a personal question? Have you ever had an orgasm? Because I could totally give you one.”
That’s still probably better than
“Female orgams are really overrated, don’t you think?”
“Oh, was this supposed to be a date?” was an interesting one.
“Boy, isn’t the Octomom great?”
“I have mace.”
“My husband is a cop. But he’s on duty tonight.”
“I have pepper spray.”
“I’m saving myself for marriage. Oh, I’ll have the lobster, please.”
I just had a flashback.
Long, but also true:
I took a seminar that said if you have three sources of passive income, you can retire. I’ll get a pension if I work at my job for five more years, I’ve bought two investment properties, and now I need to find a husband who works.
She talked in trite cliched platitudes the entire time…it was like talking to a self help book.
“I make the most out of very day”
Really? What do you do.
“Live life to the fullest”
Like what?
“Always look for ways to improve myself”
Ok, for example?
“I am always up for new adventures!”
Look, why don’t you just tell me about your typical day.
“Well, I get up then have a couple cups of coffee and 3 or 4 smokes, then watch The Today Show and The View, then see what is on HSN, then fix lunch, usually shower, and watch my stories, watch Ellen, then fix dinner.”
About done with you coffee?
I was coming to post something similar. This happend to me.
A girl I had known for years and fallen for had finally split up with her boyfriend. One night she shows up dressed up beautifully and asked me would I like to go to a local club with her.
We get there, have a good time, drink, eat, dance, etc. Here I am thinking she’s giving me a chance when she drops the line I’m submitting for this thread:
“Oh sweetie, you thought this was a date? I just asked you to come with me to make sure I don’t do anything stupid and that I get home safe.”
When I heard that line it was like I got kicked in the balls emotionally.
“Has your dad mentioned anything about a dowry?”
Wow. :eek:
“Do you mind if we have dinner at my place instead of going out? Just until they take off my tracking anklet next month…”
“I need you to blow into the breathalizer tube so I can start the car…”
At least you found out before you married (I’m assuming) him! Wow.
p.s. When I was in college, I worked with several guys who said they planned to do things like this after they got married. :eek: