The last satay sauce I prepared, declared by Mrs. Plant to be “Perfect” contained much more Thai Kitchen Green Curry Paste ™ that she would think to be survivable.
Scandalous!
Lobohan’s favorite cold relief, Lemonade, has been secretly replaced with low calorie lemonade!
Bwahaha!
“No, I’m not into it right now, I’m actually thinking about the dishes or the laundry, or something else that has nothing sexy attached to it.
But it’s okay, I’m okay with doing this right now, I’m just not into it at the moment.”
He would never understand this, and demand that we stop. It doesn’t happen often, just enough that I could never tell him about, but continue to do.
“Of course I haven’t done the ton!” That’s what I tell my husband anyways. He’d shit a brick if he knew how often I push the bike past 100. It’s too fun not to do now and again. 
Mrs. Jackelope believes that she despises sour cream.
She loves my mashed potatoes though. Y’all get one guess as to what the secret ingredient is.
“But flour makes the sauce taste pasty.”
This said after I informed my wife that I added flour to the pasta sauce in order to thicken it up and prevent the water from de-emulsifying forming a lake at the bottom of my bowl when it’s served up. It’s something she never says when I add it without her knowledge, though. I have to be careful not to add too much though, lest it become too light in colour. That happened once. “I guess it must be the brand of tomato sauce you bought,” she commented. Yeah! Yeah, that’s it exactly. They’re rosé tomatoes.
I must continue to pluck in places I hope HoosierDaddy never knows about. My secrets will come out if I should ever fall into a coma. I hope a nurse or someone would have the decency to pluck me over. 
I can understand what “pluck” means. :dubious:
I am an unabashed plucker. I’m not sure if he’s completely aware of all the places, but he’s seen me contorting in front of the mirror. I’ve even had him chase a ghost hair or two.
I guess if I were ever in a coma, someone better come pluck me. Or if it were a short term thing, I’d be busy the next day.
Years and years ago when my parents were newly wed, my mother was making potato salad for a picnic dinner (they were having guests over). My dad asked if she was going to put vinegar in it, and she said no.
He insisted that it would not be a proper potato salad without vinegar.
She insisted that she never had put vinegar in potato salad and wasn’t about to start.
He had a royal fit, locked himself in the bedroom, and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. (completely ignoring the guests) Over vinegar.
To this very day (their 31st anniversary is coming up) when she makes potato salad, my mother gets out all the ingredients and sets them on the counter, including the bottle of vinegar.
She makes the potato salad, never touching the vinegar.
She puts everything away, including the vinegar.
My dad loves her potato salad.
This, I think, is one of the secrets of being married 31 years.
I thought that this thread was going to be about the hookers and blow. Nevermind.
There’s another thread about having a pact with a best friend to clean up one’s porn stash if the other dies … my best friend and I have a pact about plucking in case one of us ends up in a coma.
My two smokes a day (one at break and one after lunch) she will never find out about. It’s been 10 years now and she hasn’t a clue. I don’t smoke on the weekends, unless I’m out without her and then only rarely.
As far as I know, my married brother doesn’t have such a pact with anybody, but he does have a stash of porn and a wife whom I doubt would understand it (after they’d been married for over two years, Mom and myself recomended doggy-style to her as a possible solution to some intercoursal difficulties they were having and had to spend half an hour explaining that it did not mean anal). When a friend of Bro’s and me discovered the stash, we decided that “if anything ever happens to him” whomever gets to their house first should make sure she never finds the stash.
She knows. My dad tried this on our family, too - and we all had an understanding that, if he thought none of us knew, he’d have to keep it hidden, thus limiting his smoking.
Trust me, unless she is a smoker herself, she knows.
If you can’t get a nurse to do it, get one of the kids. They can be mother pluckers. 
Training begins today - right after kindergarten lets out!
Honey, I’m sure she knows but she’s just letting you think you are getting away with it. There is no such thing as smoking and other people not knowing.
Unless she has no sense of smell?
There are a lot of them at our house, but they’re mostly all the same – my husband, who claims to not like mustard loves my glazed holiday ham. Of course, the recipe includes a bottle of French’s yellow mustard, I am pretty sure he knows but keeps his mouth shut. Likewise with spinach – oh he absolutely abhors it, but never quite gets around to picking it out of the lasagna that he will take 5 (very generous) helpings of when I make it. Spices are the other big “secret” I cannot live withou spices, and while I do tone it down, since he is a wimp, I still do put curry in my meatloaf, and he still eats it.
Really, the only thing I am pretty sure he doesn’t know about that I will continue to do is TMI ALERT my morning…lightswitchflip. Sorry, can’t see getting out of bed without it, and it’s just not the same when someone else does it for me. Since he is always still snoring when the alarm goes off, I doubt he will ever know about it (unless he reads this post) and frankly, I don’t want him to find out, because then he will think he can or should help me with it – which I just don’t want. Trust me, honey, if I want morning sex, I will let you know in a most unsubtle way
Well, I have the second smoke 4 hours before I get home from work. In that four hours I’m sure most if not all the smoky smell has vanished.