[QUOTE=Flutterby]
I read it as she loved the sauce but if she knew how much chili paste he was putting in she’d think it was too much and tell him to cut it out.
[/QUOTE]
You got it. 
That wasn’t ground beef, it was ground bison.
The Visa bill is higher than you think it is.
I do so need more clothes. Clothes which are purchased on sale don’t count as buying new clothes, but since you wouldn’t understand these subtle differences, I’ll just keep the bags in the car trunk for a few days. By the time they come into the house, into the closet and on to my body, I can honestly say they’re not “new” any more.
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense]
My two smokes a day (one at break and one after lunch) she will never find out about. It’s been 10 years now and she hasn’t a clue. I don’t smoke on the weekends, unless I’m out without her and then only rarely.
[/QUOTE]
You know, that is just about the minimum schedule to maintain your addiction, right? Some three day weekend, or short vacation or other you should consider that come Tuesday, you have already finished the worst part of quitting smoking. The rest is pretty easy.
Tris
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense]
Well, I have the second smoke 4 hours before I get home from work. In that four hours I’m sure most if not all the smoky smell has vanished.
[/QUOTE]
Your innocence is charming. 
Your wife knows. She’s humoring you. Unless she has a nose problem.
Edit: never mind.
[QUOTE=missbunny]
Your innocence is charming.
Your wife knows. She’s humoring you.
[/QUOTE]
That may be why your wife humors you (if that’s the case). She finds it charming to see you thinking you’re getting away with something. The little boy factor. But I agree, she knows.
Are you my husband?
(that’s exactly what he would say.)
[QUOTE=AHoosierMama]
Training begins today - right after kindergarten lets out!
[/QUOTE]
I’m laughing because I’m picturing myself unconscious in a hospital bed with one eyebrow. The left one.
[QUOTE=Solfy]
He had a royal fit, locked himself in the bedroom, and didn’t come out for the rest of the night. (completely ignoring the guests) Over vinegar
[/QUOTE]
The things our fathers do when they’re having a hissy fit deserve a thread of their own 
[QUOTE=miamouse]
I’m laughing because I’m picturing myself unconscious in a hospital bed with one eyebrow.
[/QUOTE]
Oh, PLUCK. I thought…never mind. :smack:
[QUOTE=storyteller0910]
Wow. I think (seriously) that I may have an undersensitive nose. I am not a smoker, but I can’t tell that someone has been smoking unless it was very recent or in very high volume. I’m surprised at all the people who can know for sure, because I’m pretty sure it would be easy to keep it from me, at least.
[/QUOTE]
You and a lot of people. I recently asked my mother if she knew when I started smoking (It was 3 years before I moved away from home) and she had no idea. Trust me, she is a non-smoker and NOT the type to pretend she didn’t know. If she had any clue, she would have thrown a major fit. My supervisor had no idea I smoked for about the first year I worked for her.
The claim that any non-smoker would know someone had a cigarette 4 hours previously is a bit farfetched based on my experience.
[QUOTE=McNew]
Or “masturbating”.
[/QUOTE]
Seriously.
As for secret smoking, I’m with the “no such thing” crowd. I can smell if the guy driving in front of me is smoking.
People who quit smoking also often comment on how noticeable the smell is, now that they’re not sucking it in themselves.
[QUOTE=Litoris]
Being as how there was a TMI alert, uhm…it is a term referring to a very personal act of self-abuse that my husband would love to assist me with, but which I mostly enjoy doing for and with myself. Being female, the repetitive motion is much like that of flipping a light switch on and off rapidly. If I were male, it might be called something like “choking one’s chicken.”
[/QUOTE]
By any chance are you from New England originally? I haven’t heard this expression in more than 20 or 30 years and at that time it was a regional euphemism. The rest of the USA seemed to prefer “spanking the monkey”.
[QUOTE=Antinor01]
<snip>The claim that any non-smoker would know someone had a cigarette 4 hours previously is a bit farfetched based on my experience.
[/QUOTE]
I can tell if my husband has been around smokers when he comes home. If he had two cigarettes, it would be like a flashing neon sign over his head when he came in the house, never mind kissing and hugging him. You don’t need a particularly fantastic sense of smell to smell smoke on someone’s breath, hair, skin, and clothing.
I should say, though, I have a very good sense of smell, and my husband does not. Living with him, I’m learning what life is like for the smelling impaired - he probably wouldn’t have believed people could smell a cigarette four hours ago either, before he met me.
I take myself out to lunch far more often than my fiancee suspects. Also, she thinks she knows about all of my porn but she’s only found about a quarter of it. The truly freaky stuff remains hidden from prying eyes.
[QUOTE=featherlou]
I can tell if my husband has been around smokers when he comes home. If he had two cigarettes, it would be like a flashing neon sign over his head when he came in the house, never mind kissing and hugging him. You don’t need a particularly fantastic sense of smell to smell smoke on someone’s breath, hair, skin, and clothing.
I should say, though, I have a very good sense of smell, and my husband does not. Living with him, I’m learning what life is like for the smelling impaired - he probably wouldn’t have believed people could smell a cigarette four hours ago either, before he met me.
[/QUOTE]
I believe that some people can, but all of these claims that any and every non-smoker would know are rediculous. I’ve known way too many people who are non-smokers that had no idea I smoked until they saw me doing it to believe that every non-smoker would know.
[QUOTE=Solfy]
Yo this very day (their 31st anniversary is coming up) when she makes potato salad, my mother gets out all the ingredients and sets them on the counter, including the bottle of vinegar.
She makes the potato salad, never touching the vinegar.
She puts everything away, including the vinegar.
My dad loves her potato salad.
This, I think, is one of the secrets of being married 31 years.
[/QUOTE]
My mom has even enlisted a brother of mine to help throw away newspaper and junk mail when my dad is out of town. Apparently she then distributes part of the remaining pile through the house and he recollects it, never missing the other parts. I don’t know how he doesn’t notice them in the trash, unless she actually times this for pickup to have happened before he gets back.
[QUOTE=Fir na tine]
By any chance are you from New England originally? I haven’t heard this expression in more than 20 or 30 years and at that time it was a regional euphemism. The rest of the USA seemed to prefer “spanking the monkey”.
[/QUOTE]
Nope. I grew up in the South, and have been everywhere except New England. The term “flipping the light switch” just makes more sense. At least for me – maybe “spanking the monkey” is closer to what other girls do, I donno, I never watched.
Sadly, I love euphemisms, the stranger, the better. I have been known to use “rub one out” often as well, which makes people give me funny looks, as it sounds like a cigarette reference.
</hijack>
My brother likes to sneak a cigarette once in awhile and thinks his wife doesn’t know. Fair enough. His wife likes to sneak off with her sister every few months and smoke pot, and she thinks my brother doesn’t know.
Ha, ha!
They’re split up now.
My husband doesn’t know how much I’m into bondage, how much it turns me on, and how often I masturbate to bondage fiction during the day when he’s not around. I’ve always felt like that’s one of those things he’ll never be able to understand. He knows I’m interested, but is sort of uncomfortable with it and always assumed it had to do with the unhealthy part of my sexual history.
But, I don’t think all of it is unhealthy. I think I’ve just always been wired that way. And at this point I really don’t care WHY I’m into bondage–I just know that it turns me on like nothing else can.
And I don’t think I can share that with him, because he might feel pressured to be involved somehow. He’s not really a dominant sort of guy, and is uncomfortable at any objectification of women even in the slightest, so I almost feel like it’s something I can and should enjoy strictly on my own, within the confines of my own fantasy life.
Litoris, serious question. Does masturbating help you wake up in the morning? Never tried it, but it might be a good way to snap myself awake.
That I like hanging out with her sisters more than her.
Or, that I got a Wii.