Tell me two jokes; The first only works (or works best) in written form; the second only (or best) in spoken form.
EGO and SUPEREGO walk into a bar. The bartender says “I’m going to need to see some ID”
Two chemists walk into a bar; one says “I’ll just have some H2O”; the other says “I’ll have H2O too”; the second chemist later died.
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an auto worker? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino.
Works when spoken: How do you get to Wales in a Volkswagon? Take the M4.
Wears the paddle?
Where’s the bar tender?
Those two punchlines don’t work if you have to write them out.
Only works if spoken:
What time should you go to the dentist?
2:30
Tooth hurty
Works best when written: there are only 10 kinds of people; those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
Works best when spoken: “Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Interrupting cow” “Interrupting c…” “MOOOO!”.
I always thought that riddle about “three common words that end in ‘gry,’ two are ‘angry,’ and ‘hungry,’ what is the third word?” is a spoken riddle that someone wrote out, and suddenly became unfathomable.
Spoken, there’s a very easy solution: “agree.” But some people might still get hung up on how the words are spelled even when it’s spoken-- then they feel bone-headed when you say “agree.”
Written, though, it’s hard to fault the person trying to figure it for assuming the constraint that the word actually should be spelled with a Y.
Only works when spoken: What weighs 400 lbs and sleeps with cats? Mrs. Katz!
What does MacDonald spell?
MacDonald
What does MacDoogle spell?
MacDoogle.
What does MacHine spell?
This works well when spoken by spelling out the words.
AH yes, I probably should have spelled it out M-a-c-D-o-o-g-l-e for effect.
A cartoon of a guy in a shop named “Kal’s Kwality Korner”, returning a faulty gizmo. He wails “You call this kwality?”
The answer is irrelephant
Works much better written down: why was the electrician angyr? He got his YRs crossed.
Works much better spoken:
“What’s the secret of great comedy?”
“I don’t know, what’s the secre…”
“Timing!”
There are jokes that only work when the joke teller is seen, btw.
“Why was Jesus popular with the ladies? Because he was hung like this (hold arms straight out to the left and right).”
^ That one’s new to me and it’s fantastic!
(My wife works for a church and she shook her head so hard upon hearing it that her glasses almost fell off her face, so she loves it, too!)
In a similar vein,…
Why was Jesus crucified on a cross rather than stoned to death?
Because it’s a lot easier to go like this (makes the sign of the cross) than to go like this (balls up fists and starts hitting themselves all over)