“Any woman who thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.” (Adrienne Gusoff)
I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. Sweat is good for the skin, though, so now I sweat the warm stuff. --Oliver Faltz
Never eat more than you can lift. --Miss Piggy
Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things (or at least be sure what you’re getting into).
[Dave Berry]
Under no circumstances should you mix sleeping pills and Ex-Lax.
[/Dave Berry]
“No Matter where you go,… there you are.” - Buckaroo Bonzai
“And remember, if the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”
- Red Green
Here’s one from my friend Gary, which he uttered just this morning.
"I guess we have to face the facts that we are over 50 and over the hill and no one gives a rat’s ass about us anymore. If Bob Edwards can’t keep his job at NPR, who are we to kid ourselves that we are even remotely interesting or desirable."
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this isn’t it.” - Groucho Marx
Actually, that should be “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
That’s Dave Barry.
Now I feel obligated to post something. Oh, I know!
“Now I feel obligated to post something.”
-me
“Self-improvement is masturbation.” – Tyler Durden in “Fight Club”
“It’s about the future- because that’s where we’re going!” -Bob Dole
“The fastest way to a man’s heart is through a gaping chest wound.” Can’t remember who said it though.
Manager: The store is busy and a woman faints, what do you do?
Groucho: How old is she?
“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man” On a tee shirt somewhere
"All men are animals… But some make good pets " My old licence plate holder
“I think I’ve gone out of my mind… I’ll be back in a minute” another tee shirt some other where
Thats the good thing about death. You eaither die, or you don’t. - Hank, from King of the Hill.
Jesus saves… the rest of you take 5d20.
“The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is kind of slander on the poor.”
-H. L. Mencken
“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”
-Admiral Hyman G. Rickover
Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.