**The Importance of My Penis.
Beating Your Inner Child.
Evolution and the Speed of Light.
A Question about Polyphasic Manifolds.
My Daughter is a Raving Nymphomaniac.
Why Does My Turtle Do This?
What if Spain Won the Spanish-American War?
Do Microwave Ovens Turn Your Food Radioactive?
Should I Stop Eating Feces?
Dogs and WD-40.
Are Mimes a Government Conspiracy?**
Has Anyone Really THOUGHT About Circumcision?
In Which Coldfire Professes His Love To Jarbaby
New Study Says Deep Fried Cheese Is Good For You!
So, I was caught committing necrophilia last night…
People! The other white meat
Can a hermephrodite copulate with themselves?
Bernse comes clean! He is really a porn star!
I just found out Hitler was my uncle
Star Trek episodes that DID NOT involve the use of the Main Deflector Dish
News Flash! Cecil Adams is identified! He is really a brain in a jar with a bunch of wires coming out of it!
Gags doctors play on eachother in the emergency room
Manservant Hecubus - Not only incredibly sexy, but funny to boot!
Well, I’d like to start with:
MPSIMS: MikeG won $100 Billion in the Lotto!
Then I’m sure we’d see in quick succession:
IMHO: Crete or The N Island of New Zealand, which to buy?
IMHO 2: Should I have Bill Gates wash my car or clean my backyard grill this morning?
GD: Can you be fabulously wealthy and not turn into an arrogant prick?
GQ: Now that I own a small country, what do I do about these pesky (non female or useful to me personally)inhabitants?
ATMB: welcome to the MikeG Memorial Message Board! Free T3 lines for all I choose to accept;)
…quickly followed by:
BBQ Pit: Kill MikeG! He is a megalomaniacal overlord who is bent on World Conquest!
New board software Eliminates troll-like behavior, speeds up performance 10000000%!
or even:
NEW SERVER! POST AT WILL!
or
New StraightDope Book Released on Friday!
All your base belong to us. Uh, wait …
In MPSIMS…
My Name is Jeff Hardy and I’m Posting Naked 
Ask Torgo, Then Hippity Hoppity on His Trouser Tackle
Would Anal Sex with an Extraterrestrial Alien be Bestiality or Unnatural?
Straight Dope Message Board Upgrades Servers!
Or how about a topic in the support forums titled:
Why can’t I start new threads?
**If I Have Sex With My Clone Would it Be Considered Masterbation or Incest? **
**Shirley Ujest Wins Lottery **
** Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe & Banderas Knife Fight For Shirley’s Honor. **
** Does this post make my ass look fat? **
**hoW come nobuddy respect’s My post’s??
Pro Wrestling Is Real!
Eating Broken Glass for Fun
Masturbating in Church-- Am I the only one who does it?
I Hate Lengthy Posts (this is a long thread)
Why do psychics need telephones?
HELP! I’m bleeding profusely and I can’t call 911 because I’m online!
Exploring My Rectum (may be TMI)
What should I do with the body?**
Peace,
TN*hippie
That cold salami in my fridge is better than any man I ever had!
I am Jesus’s brother!
If we nuke China, will boom-boxes cost more?
I’ve fucked myself! Can you?
My Mother Is An Alien! But then she drowned and they sent me back…
The WWF is NOT fake!
Ahh, sweet political incorrectness…
Tell ‘em Daemon sent ya’.
silent_rob Voted Sexiest Man Alive…All Females Rejoice And Lust After His Attentions [sub]I can dream, can’t I??[/sub]
Rich But Bored Gal Looking To Fund Large Productions By Student Filmmakers
Keanu Reeves & Alex Winter reform as “Wyld Stallynz”!
Followed by: World Peace Achieved At Last: Wyld Stallynz Rule!
silent_rob Was Right: The Teletubbies Really Are The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
Keanu Reeves Announces His Name Will Be Pronounced “Canoe Revvez” From Now On
Michael Myers Stars As “Michael Myers” in "Halloween 20"
John Wayne Clone Made; Set To Star In New Pauley Shore Movie
Beethoven Lives Upstairs…and He’s A Jerk!
Franks and Beans/Beans and Franks, what’s the diff?
Playboy Magazine releases virtual edition!
Cancer causes Smoking!
Steamed clams demand equal rights!
Tentacles suck!
I know they’re not so good, this just needsabump!
beautiful women who think DavidBW1 is damn sexy
Rejoice! No more football, ever!
Tell us about your six-toed cat
I am moving to Yosemite - what should I pack?
Warren Buffet finds long lost daughter named Cranky; gives her billions
In Which jarbaby, magadalene, & persephone Sheepishly Confess They’ve Let Cranky Ghostwrite Their Funniest Posts
SDMB Declares Moratorium on Melodrama and Emotional Hyperbole
Help! I Can’t Figure Out TWO Words That End With -gry!
Let’s Face It, 30 Extra Pounds on a Woman is Damned Sexy! Post Here If You Agree (3 pages long, all the best male posters chiming in)
Wow! After Her Masturbation Post, Let’s All Acknowledge Cranky Isn’t The Prissy Boring Windbag We Thought She Was!
Obit: Rush Limbaugh