Let it go. This does not mean give in everytime you disagree, but don’t try to control all of the little stuff. It’s part of the compromise aspect everyone keeps mentioning. So your idea of tidying up the house includes dusting every appliance, and his isn’t. He thinks that he should store peanut butter in the fridge, and you think that it should go in the pantry. He won’t stop wearing his shoes in the house, and won’t hang up his jacket. You don’t feel right unless the toilet paper is hung just the right way. Both of you should try to compromise enough to make the other one comfortable, but when it gets right down to it, let it go. How important is it? Is it worth World War III? What’s important in the relationship? Did you choose him because he’s a great conversationalist, has a great sense of humour, and is the only person on Earth who can get along with your parents? Is the peanut butter (or insert your own issue here) issue worth getting upset about? And don’t just say that you’ll let it go, and then grumble internally 24/7. Just let it go.
Don’t take him for granted, and hopefully, he won’t take you for granted. Over time, it’s so easy to forget why you fell in love in the first place. ESPECIALLY if you have kids! Try to look at him as if you’re seeing him for the first time, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Date. It’s easy to stop when you’re living together. You spend so much time together doing the everyday mundane things in life that dating may seem redundant, but trust me, it will be good for you. A lot of couples I know stop going out with each other, and at some point, they can’t figure out why their relationship has lost it’s zing. They’re always talking to their SO. Sure, it’s about bills, groceries, kids, and cleaning, but they’re talking! Not that same. Take each other out.
Communicate. Something bothers you? Don’t hold it in until you’re so mad you could throw him across the room. If you don’t say something immediately, the grudge will just get bigger and bigger. You don’t want your SO to be completely mystified as to why you’re acting as though you’re mad, but he/she has no idea why, and then when you finally do say something, your anger is out of proportion to the transgression. Your SO is not a mind reader. If it’s a repeat incident, you’ve talked about it regularly and it’s fairly minor, then see point #1, and let it go.
Finances. Unless you two are the one in a thousand or one in a million that totally agrees on every single purchase, have separate bank accounts. I pay these bills, you pay those bills. What’s left over is up to the individual to use as he or she sees fit. Once you’ve done so, don’t even bother criticizing the way the other spends money. I paid my portion of the bills, I can spend the rest of my money on (shoes, clothing, art, books, the complete collection of Red Dwarf on DVD). You paid your portion of the bills, go ahead and spend money on (your sixth table saw, comic books, overpriced running shoes, a five year subscription to Sports Illustrated). You may feel that all of your purchases were justified (hey, I bought the vacuum cleaner, and you bought the Star Trek collectibles), but let it go. Split on household items, or take turns purchasing them. You want to save money together? Open a third bank account that requires both signatures for a withdrawl. Treat is as a bill, which means pay into it before you spend money on trivial stuff. Then don’t even look at what the other person is buying. Just make sure that you’re both paying bills first, or WW III will definitely erupt.
