To My Vaginal Cavity of a Neighbor Across the Street

The BBQ Pit
41

Couple of points that strike me:

  1. Do we know for a fact that the landlord has threatened eviction? As others have noted, eviction for an accidental squirt of water seems overly harsh – to the point of being illegal.

  2. How much water are we talking? If it was a quick swipe of the stream across the window, feh. If the water poured into the window for several minutes and damaged the floor – I could see the landlord having a case for eviction at that point.

  3. Why would Zenster go to the harridan’s sister and tell her of his plan? Why not confront the harridan? I mean, if you plan to smear the woman, at least tell her upfront what you’re doing. Personally, I’d recommend actually talking to the woman before implementing the Gossip Offensive. It’s possible that no one has the full picture here.

  4. If Zenster does decide to implement the Gossip Offensive, I’m not sure it’s productive to tell his next-door neighbor (the harridan’s sister). That could very well sour a currently harmonious relationship with the next-door neighbor.

It just seems to me there’s some info missing here somewhere. Granted, the harridan’s actions are the exact opposite of her professed belief system, and if all is as it seems she deserves scorn. But I gotta think there’s more working here than we know.

42

Dearest Eve,

You have single-handedly made yet another Monday worth living through. If anyone on this green earth is successfully channeling Dorothy Parker it has to be you, sweetie.

Love,

Zenster

And furthermore:

I respectfully request that any of you with questions go back and read the OP.

Please note how I intend to talk to this hag’s sister first before any smearing begins. I should hope all of you might think that I would first bring this unfortunate turn of events to her attention sans tirade. I am not the sort of person who abruptly initiates a conversation with; (Those of you who think otherwise may kindly cram it with walnuts.)

“I’ll smear your sister to Hell and back again if she persists with her ruthless persecution of the widow up the street!”

In fact, the conversation shall (probably) be more along the lines of; “Do you know about (insert hag’s name >here<) attempts to get the widow evicted?” This, more capably (and politely), sets the proper tone for courteous resolution of the situation, which is what I shall first attempt. If the hag’s own sister is unwilling to intervene, I shall probably take the advice of the less presumptuous folk here and seek out her pastor. I feel he might interested to know which of his flock has strayed so far beyond the bounds of common (and especially, Christian) decency. I have been to their church (assuming they share the same place of worship) many times and am well aware of how to get there.

Failing in all of the above, you can bet your sweet patootie that I will then proceed to make sure that all and sundry people in our neighborhood are fully aware of this miscreant’s vile conduct.

A little background. I detest the word “cunt.” It is not one I use with any degree of frequency. To elaborate, I think the following “joke” is detestable.

Q: What is the definition of a woman?

A: The life support system for a cunt.

I can probably trace a substantial portion of my entire refusal to use this word to that single “joke.” It is largely the same with “bitch.” I disdain referring to women using that term. It is one I reserve strictly for reference to female dogs. Ill behaved men might receive the epithet “son of a bitch,” but I feel that is another matter. I’ll freely confess that I was so utterly taken aback when informed of this hag’s malicious attempts that (in the presence of the widow) I referred to the hag as a, “heartless bitch.” I apologized to her for my momentary lapse and was rewarded by her entire lack of offense and (in fact) hearty agreement with my epithet.

I hope that clarifies why I have used the term “vaginal cavity” in the thread title and elsewhere.

Sauron, you have presented a valid and salient set of well thought out questions. I shall address them in order.

1) The widow has informed me that her landlord is considering evicting her if she does not apologize personally to the harridan herself. Quite justifiably (as I see it), the widow refuses to do this out of sheer principle. I really cannot blame her in the least as she is most definitely being ill-treated in this situation. Please remember, that the watering incident occurred over a week after the death of the widow’s husband. Neither before then, and most certainly not after has this hag made any attempt to express the least sympathy or condolences to the widow. I see this as not just thoughtless but brutally cruel. However, that’s just my own 2¢.

2) I immediately investigated and all vegetation in question is planted in the earth. As stated in the OP, the only windows where water might possibly have entered are all of two foot square and over six feet off the ground. This leads me to suspect (I’ll ask the widow later today) that the amount of water was most likely no more than a few cups worth. There has been no mention of any damage claims or the like.

3) I have had a passing acquaintance with the hag for over a decade. I am fairly confident of the sort of person she is. Her own treatment of myself pretty much makes it a certainty. If you would like an example; For some twelve years running, I have always left both Easter baskets and Christmas stockings for her two nieces that live next door to me. There were times when I spent some of my last pennies on these gifts even though I was (visibly) unemployed. Some of these baskets had (dethorned) roses and flowers twined around their rims and handles. Other (more fruitful) times both the baskets (and their contents) were made of solid chocolate (as in the last few years). NEVER ONCE has this hag bothered to express the least bit of gratitude for my gestures on behalf of her own blood relatives. This is only one of many reasons I have no expectation of her listening to me or reason (for that matter).

4) I do have some sort of respectful relationship with the hag’s sister. We have known each other for over fifteen years. I cooked special unspiced recipes for her while she went through intense food rejection during her pregnancies. Every Thanksgiving (for almost ten years) I bring her husband a large dish of my traditional triple sausage, red wine and herbed sourdough stuffing. I have been invited to their church many times. I have both attended services and watched their two daughters (and the Father for that matter) perform in various programs there. In fact, I attended a performance by the Father and daughters just this last Easter. I am confident that my neighbor (the hag’s sister) will take my own views into consideration and (it is hoped) intervene on the widow’s behalf. She is far more of a true Christian and vastly more charitable than the hag herself.

Again, all else failing, I will make sure all and sundry know of this vile misdeed. If my own neighbors refuse to understand why, then I do not need their good will any longer. I shall not permit this to interfere with any kindness or amity towards their children, but the harridan shall feel my wrath. If things do go south, rest assured that the hag will get a facefull of it too.

43

So - using a euphemism for cunt is supposed to make those of us who are in possession of such feel better about an integral part of ourselves being the ultimate insult?

44

Where did I say it was “the ultimate insult?”

The specific term “cunt” (or in my case, “vaginal cavity”) is an insult, not the possession of one. The concept (I believe) involves portraying the insult’s intended recipient as having an entire physiognomy and character which is reducible to that singlular anatomical feature.

Are you saying that you never, never, ever use the epithets “prick” or “dick” or dickhead" or “penis” or “prickhead” in reference to certain ill mannered males? Please clarify.

PS: If I’m not mistaken, this is the Pit and any venting herein is traditionally granted a certain degree of latitude.

45

… that SINGULAR feature …

46

See, I just don’t understand. In an ideal world, the harridan would say to the widow something like “Hey, be more careful with the water” and the widow would respond with “I’m sorry.” How this becomes an eviction-level event escapes me.

However, I do have to take one minor issue with you: Barring any additional information, I have to say the widow should apologize. The harridan, distasteful though her attitude may be, does not owe the widow anything. The widow, however, has wronged the harridan by spraying some water in her house. She should apologize for that. Now, granted, the harridan has no right escalating this to the landlord, and I’m still unclear on why that happened.

47

I thought Dinsdale was spot on. Upon seeing his first post here my reaction was exactly the opposite that you seemed to have, Zabali_Clawbane. Funny because I was just coming from reading that same other thread that you referred to, and I looked here and said oh, well at least he’s giving good advice in this thread. You surprised me when you jumped his shit for it.

And a note on the OP: Rock it Zenster. No harm in letting people know how you feel. You’re especially blameless if you remain careful to speak only factually about what’s happened and let people draw their own conclusions as to your very un-neighborly neighbor, which they surely will.

Or take Dinsdale’s advice and leave it alone in favor of just helping your widowed neighbor. Whatever makes you happiest.

48

Would a neighbourhood collection raise enough to cover the cost to rent a mobile water cannon for a few hours? (Or if that is too expensive, just point anal scury in the right direction.)

49

Actually, no - I do not use “prick” or those other words. I was early trained not to use vulgarities, and I have never really gotten into the habit. My current favorite insult for persons who bother me is “jackass.” Your analysis does not persuade me… you are still using an anatomical feature that I (and others) have found valuable and pleasant as an insult.

Venting in the pit has traditionally been allowed latitude by the message board, as they will tolerate language here that isn’t acceptable elsewhere. I don’t recall that they ever enforced any such thing in regard to the comments made by others, so long as they stay within board guidelines. I wanted to clarify for myself that you find a portion of a woman’s anatomy to be such that it’s valid to use in describing an odious person. You have answered my question.

50

Sassy, you’re an asshole.:slight_smile:

51

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Primaflora *
** …You see the issue I have with his plan of action is that he is intentionally planning to hurt someone and I’m not sure that makes him any better than her. He’s answering one wrong with another wrong… **[/QUOTE

Exactly. Zenster don’t you think you’re being a bit rabid about this when the dispute seems to be more between the Christian Lady and Widow lady. Is there something you’re not telling us here?? I’d love to hear the Christian lady’s take on this situation :slight_smile:

Are you sure you’re not just shitted off with her because she’s a Fundamentalist?!

52

I agree with Shirley Ujest on this one. The smear campaign threat is just undignified. And it escalates a situation which has already exceeded the level of drama that it merits.

If the vile neighbor did indeed call the landlord over something so trivial as having a bit of water accidentally sprayed into her windows which are two feet wide and six feet up (Hint: if your plants are all earthbound, then aim the hose AT THE GROUND), then that’s a somewhat crappy thing to do. However, the widow was just as crappy for not immediately apologizing ("Oops. Sorry!!!). And the landlord was the most crappy for threatening to evict her because of it.

But, as others have said, do you really think a landlord would threaten to evict a good, long-established tenant over something so innocuous? Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark here and it might not just be vile neighbor. Perhaps dear widowed lady is not paying the rent and is embellishing the story about the water because she is embarrassed to admit the truth and wants to save face. That seems a far likelier scenario to me.

Personally I think Zenster ought to keep his nose out of his neighbors’ feud. First of all, because he’s getting all of his information from one source and we all know that the truth usually lies somewhere between the two stories. And secondly because he is clearly biased against the vile neighbor because she is a reclusive christian.

And FTR, Zenster, I’m quite friendly with my neighbors (I wave to them, I’ll cut their grass if they’re out of town, etc.) but if they had a half-wolf breed, I wouldn’t let my kids play with it, especially if it showed aggression towards me for any reason. And I’m a dog lover.

53

Yeah sure, I hate all fundamentalists. That’s why I go to their church for services and attend to see their children perform in the shows. (Insert roll eyes smilie >here<)

DID YOU EVEN READ ANY OF MY POSTS?

All,

I attempted to contact the widow yesterday to see if there had been any resolution about this. She was not home (and I do not have her telephone number), so I shall try again today.

54

Put me on the list of rotten in Denmark. WTF? Eviction for a spray of water? I don’t think so, even if the landlord is doing the ‘harridan’, he needs legal grounds for an eviction and a spray of water isn’t it.
I’m also on board with dropping the smear campaign in favor of expending your energies on the widow. If she is going to go through an eviction, you will have many opportunities to assist and defend her.

ps. I’m sorry but I don’t think anyone is required to express their condolences to someone. It might be the nice thing to do, but I don’t think someone should express them when they probably could not care less.

55

Zen, your plan of action puts Mean Lady’s Sister (MLS) in a position of having to decide what to do, if anything, with information that’s in essence 2nd hand hearsay. You have now dragged her into this, obviously expecting some kind of action. Not fair. The situation as described to you (which may or may not be more nuanced or complex than what the Widow told you) certainly describes a maddening lack of sensitivity of Mean Lady (ML). However, you don’t know why she reacted that way (or if she actually did). I’d be upset too, if the facts had been laid out to me that way, but I’d be worried about the facts I didn’t have.
If you really feel the need to act, ML is the only person you should speak to. Tell her you’ve heard some things that disturb you, and that you can’t believe she would act that way, as you believe her to be better than that. Offer to help resolve the situation (if there is one). one of four things will happen:

  • Your read of the situation turns out to be correct, and she is unrepentant. Well - you tried
  • You learn there’s more to it than you thought. Still offer help
  • She mellows, because maybe she hadn’t even considered the Widow’s loss and the new perspective allows her to be more of a humang being (btw Hi Opal!)
  • She doesn’t get new perspective, but you ascribing to her a better nature forces her to live up to that reputation - with her at least acting as more of a human being.
56

Compassion isn’t supposed to be a Christian thing, it’s supposed to be a human thing. Therefore, we arrive at the assumption that your next door neighbor is not human.

Solution: Call SETI. They can come out there and make her disappear and wipe out any memory you have of her. It’s true. I saw it in Men in Black.

57

How much do they charge? I have an ex I’d like them to get rid of…

:smiley:

58

That makes sense. Maybe deep down inside yourself you really want to be a fundamentalist, and the anger you’re displaying here is really a symptom of the inner conflict you feel.
:wink:

59

I appreciate your confidence in my animal. [insert roll eyes smilie >here<]

Zen has never shown the least iota of aggression towards the two girls. They have played with him for the entire five years that I have owned Zen. They absolutely love him and he adores them in return. I’m confident he’d protect them with his life, as I hope he would. All of the children in the neighborhood love Zen and rush to greet him when he is out for a walk.

My other neighbors up the street and in back of me have watched in astonishment as, on two different occasions Zen broke up one fight at the school yard and another time subdued a dog that was being a bully. The second dog was his own breeding bitch and he still made her back off when she was being snappish.

Yeah, Zen’s such a vicious animal, so hostile and aggressive!

Uh, I don’t know where you live, but here in California (absent a signed lease) all a landlord needs to do is give you 30 days notice. That’s it, no reason, no explanation, no politeness, just nail and mail and you’re so out-of-there.

This is one reason why I’m so concerned. Once any eviction proceedings start, it’s all over and there is little way of reversing the process. It’s why I’d rather fire a shot across the hag’s bow and try and get this situation stabilized in some way.

You post script tells me all I need to know. Sure enough, nobody on this green earth is obliged to do anything but be true to themselves (without doing harm to others). Expressing concern is not just the “nice” thing to do, it is the human thing to do.

It’s like helping your neighbor put out a fire in their barn. You do it, if only so that when your barn catches fire all your neighbors rush over and help you fight your blaze. No, you do not ever have to help anyone fight any fires. Just don’t expect them to piss on you if you’ve caught fire yourself.

That someone “could not care less” about the death of a neighbor is a perfect example of just how callous this world has become today. It is something I personally rail against, and do so for what I consider to be a host of good reasons.

While I too have great reservations about bringing the sister into this, she is also a pretty good Christian (even if she did vote for Shrub) and would clearly see it as her duty to assist both sides in making some sort of truce. That is the only reason I have brought up talking with her.

And for CRIMENY sake, do any of you read my posts?

I am still trying to talk to the widow in order to make sure there has not been some sort of resolution of this without any intervention on my part. She was not home yesterday and so, once more, I shall try and talk to her again today.

60

Where I live we believe in signing leases.

So the ‘harridan’ is not a human? You must know everything that is going on in everyones life to be able to judge people so accurately.

Yes, but I think people keep recommending helping the widow instead of slandering the ‘harridan’ because the slandering does not become a person. FWIW I’m glad the widow has someone around her that cares about her.