And her response to that was…"so you are looking to use a certain woman?
Correct me if I’m wrong but we would be using each other right?
Why is it using if a woman agrees to this situation? My friend claimed because a woman doesn’t need to use a man for intimacy because its not hard for a woman to find?
Agree or disagree?
Let me see if I understand the situation correctly.
You knew a girl, and wanted your relationship to progress from “friend” to “friend with benefits”.
She wanted the relationship to progress from “friend” to “significant other”.
I don’t think either of you are in the wrong here, both options are valid it’s just that you don’t both want the same relationship. Just like there’s nothing wrong with polyamory, just not everyone is into it, there’s nothing wrong with a FWB relationship, it’s just that not everyone is into it.
I think it comes from an expectations and culture difference. While many people that enter a FWB relationship expect it to be “no strings attached”, often that doesn’t work out. And both men and women sometimes look at sex and emotional intimacy as something to be traded for each other (which is a bad way to look at both of those things, IMHO).
Sounds like she feels you want her to give you sex but for you to not have to give her emotional intimacy. From her perspective that’s not fair. You want to trade orgasm for orgasm. From your perspective a fair trade.
Neither is wrong, they are just incompatible.
Is she actually getting orgasms? Because if you come and she doesn’t, even some of the time, then it’s not a fair trade at all.
But I don’t know what your friend is talking about with respect to “intimacy is easy for a woman to find”? Is that what she’s claiming?
She’s young, right? Like, under 25?
Things have really moved along in a few months - http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=798682
She was trying to say dick is easy to find. Lol
She is 35
You would be using her if she wanted to be more than FWB. The fact that she asked and said, “using” suggests to me she wants a real relationship.
Just ask her. If she wants FWB she’ll be fine with the question. If she’s not, you have your answer.
Pretty much this. Men and women tend to assign different values to what is being exchanged in a sexual liason. Your offer of penis is cheap to obtain for reasonably attractive women and that’s all you’ve put on the table in exchange for access to a reasonably attractive female vagina. If you were more attractive or higher status her motivation might change but the current deal is not attractive.
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You are wrong…for her. This isn’t about logic or fairness. Please don’t try to convince her otherwise, it won’t work and will ruin the friendship you have now (even if you’re only hanging around her waiting for her to like you enough to have sex w/ you). Even if they go along w/ it at some point talking someone into sex w/ you is creepy and pathetic.
There’s almost certainly a person out there looking for what you’re looking for, don’t waste your time continuing to annoy people who say they’re looking for a different thing.
I’m 50 and married.
And it would be so damn easy to find. I can think of three guys right now that if I weren’t married, would show up for a booty call - none of whom are married themselves. Plus, vibrator. Don’t really need a man.
(I like having my husband around though, but in part because its a relationship - sometimes we have sex. Sometimes we get through life’s troubles together. I’m really not interested in sex as casual entertainment.)
Make sure you clean the table with a decent disinfectant.
I tried trading in orgasm futures in college. With very limit success.
Oh, see, now I get it. I read “intimacy” as it’s actually defined, not as a euphemism for sex. To my pedantic brain, intimacy and catching a random dick are two wildly different ends of the spectrum. One can catch plenty of dick and never once experience intimacy and one can also experience intimacy without ever catching a dick.
Yes, catching a dick is, generally speaking, somewhat easy. For most of us. That’s no guarantee of intimacy, which is IMO, incredibly difficult to “find.” (You don’t just find it; it takes mutual effort.)
The only real solution is that the OP and his girly needs to get married. It’s the only way it will work.
What else have you been saying to her? Ever: “I love you”…?
They haven’t movedas much as you’d think
[QUOTE=cg16 back in August!]
She brought up marriage on date 2 and it kind of turned me off
[/Quote]
What better way to deal with a woman who made her intentions clear more than two months ago :eek: than to tell her he just wants a weekend friend.:smack:
Although, congratulations to the OP for ducking the issue for that long.