Both of you quit it. This is not the forum for insults and telling people to fuck off. I get this is emotionally charged, Ambivalid and Boo Boo Foo is being tone deaf, but knock it off.
Insults continue and I will issue warnings.
Honestly, what possible benefit does this thread have in store for you now? Your former girlfriend has made her decisions. She’s given you her reasons. Given the manner in which you’re now attempting to turn this back on me? There’s a good chance some of the things she said might have been true.
On edit: Was writing this while the moderator was writing.
Apologies. It will stop. From me at least.
It’s been very helpful to me, just in terms of perspective and support. Helpful, that is, until someone took a gigantic shit all over for who the fuck knows what reason. Please man, you have absolutely nothing to gain from continuing in this thread. It’s a hard time for me and I’m asking you to stop.
Thanks. I am really sorry. To be blind sighted like this and to only have had a few days so far to process it is really hard.
Next time, feel free to delete it and write “never mind”. You need to stop with the thinly veiled insults and I will warn you next time.
That sucks. Mental illness is so difficult to deal with. Even though you’re in the middle of pain, cutting her off completely is the best answer.
Just remember, it can always be worse.
Stepping back from the brink as requested by our Moderator, I’d like to speak in more general terms for a moment. There’s this thing psychologists refer to as “impression management” and it’s the study of how humans manage the first impression they make on people - sometimes quite forcefully. The degree to which we portray ourselves falsely in a positive light often speaks volumes with regards to possible levels of denial. And that’s not to do with this thread specifically, that applies to all of us in general.
To the OP I say this… your opening post was overwhelmingly designed to portray a “positive impression” of yourself. However, when questioned on your decisions you also quickly changed from a controlled “active impression management” to a rather different person. It’s irrelevant that, I or anyone else, doesn’t know you in real life. You’ve gone online and I’ve engaged your comments purely on face value.
I don’t accept the notion that we should be immune (by default) from somebody calling a spade a spade in life, just because we decided to take our private stuff online. It’s a mixed up world, it’s a shook up world, when you can’t call things the way you see 'em after somebody goes online inviting you to do precisely that.
I wish you good luck brother, and loads of peace in your life.
I find your words disingenuous but duly noted. I’d appreciate no more “advice” from you. You are assuming things that are simply not true and you are buffoonish-ly confident of those assumptions. I WAS an extremely understanding boyfriend, dude, you have no fucking clue! So stop acting like you’re calling me out on anything. I haven’t changed the description of myself one bit. Perhaps clarified but not changed. You’re just one more (extremely) ill-informed opinion on the internet. I don’t want to be further warned, so I’ll just please ask you to bow out from this discussion. If you have compassion. Please. You’ve not been helpful **in any way. ** Thank you.
Honestly, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it right now, but extreme psychological problems make for difficult relationships. I suspect after some time, you will meet and fall in love with a woman who is actually stable, and you’ll be thanking your lucky stars that this girl removed herself from your life.
I was happy to bow out until I read your private message mate.
I’m not going to discuss the details of what you wrote. All I’ll say is this, we choose our happiness’s in life, but we also choose our sadness’s. For all of us, it’s our choice. The full extent of this conversation between you and me has extended for what, maybe 1 hour 15 minutes? In the grand scheme of things, that’s nothing. If you’re dragging this thread out for another fortnite? That’ll be your choice.
I have been myriad relationships in my life. I know what I do and don’t do well in them. However, as most of the long term members here know, I practically never post about my private relationships. That is because, while of course spanning the wide breadth of emotions, they never really broke from what I considered normal human behavior.
That is the only reason I decided to post about this event. It was human behavior I had never encountered before. I am not one to dismiss my foibles or minimize my fault for failures. But this was something unlike anything I’d experience before. This girl had a long history of mental and emotional, if not abuse, then damage. You’re just going to have to take my word for it and believe me that I’m not trying to slant any story in my benefit.
But I loved her. We were close, had unbelievable chemistry, seemed to intuitively understand each other. Most of the time at least. But she hid so much of her negative feelings, I was in the dark more often that I ever realized. And I always believed myself to be such a good read of a person, and she fooled me. I really don’t even care if one goddamn person believes me, if nothing else, writing all this out serves as catharsis and that is helpful for me. Getting it out, articulating the feelings.
I’m unsubscribing.
Excuse me??? Um, I need to report this post to a moderator because you are flat out lying now. There was never any PM sent to me by you. Bald faced lie. I’m calling you the fuck out right now. Post that shit.
What does this mean? You’re bored?
You meant sent by you to him, right?
I’m really sorry, Ambi. Vent here all you like and ignore anyone being cruel.
Sorry, yes.
But how is any of that relevant?
The key sentence in all of this, is this one…
I’d like to echo what Renee said, and what I stated earlier… you dodged a bullet and the weird shit your girlfriend was exposing you too isn’t the middle of the bell curve, by the standards accepted by most “reasonable people”. The manner in which you process this is determined by how you look at it. If you choose to perceive yourself as a victim of profound unfairness? That’s your call. Or, alternatively, if you choose to perceive yourself as a guy who avoided years and years of manic depression hell on earth (as Laurence Olivier famously did while married to Vivien Leigh), then I reckon you’ll be on the path to peace within yourself waaaaaaaay quicker.
Now as for your assertion you reckon you didn’t send me a PM? Cool, you sent me two actually.
How do I post a screen shot?
WRT “You’re abusive with your words” to “No I’m not, that’s just crazy” The answer usually lies somewhere in between arguments like these.
I remember when I was married, my wife told me it was unacceptable to shout or call each other names. At the time, I thought that was crazy talk. Of course you’re going to shout and call each other names in the heat of the moment. It seemed perfectly normal to me.
However, I begrudgingly agreed to her rules for arguing. I learned not to shout and call her names. It was surprisingly easy. And now, almost 20 years later, I can’t believe I ever thought that was actually okay to do.
Anyway, sorry you’re going through all this Ambi. Time heals all wounds.