Trek Dopers, what would you include in an R rated Star Trek?

Cafe Society
101

Why, thank you, pardner; that’s a’right neighborly of you. Nice to know that I haven’t totally worn out my welcome yet. Yeah, I’m just getting online; technology inspires fear and hatred in me, so I’ve put off getting a computer for as long as possible, no doubt to the serious detriment of my education and career.

Then one day there was a knock at the door, and when I answered, it turned out to be Bill Gates with an annoyed expression on his face. He angrily thrust a laptop into my hands and stormed off. Guess I was the last one.

I’d hate for anyone to think that I considered myself a “real Trekker,” though. I’ve seen the shows and the movies, and I’m naturally cranky and opinionated. But by no means do I know offhand, for example, which season “Charlie X” was first broadcast.

Sure, I fantasize about the graphic death of Wesley Crusher, but so do remote tribes in Borneo who have never even seen the show. I think it’s one of those Jungian archetypes.

102

Production #8
Original Airdate: 9/15/1966
Directed By: Lawrence Dobkin
Story By: Gene Roddenberry
Teleplay By: D.C. Fontana

http://www.trek47.com/tos/epguide/pn8.html

103

Well…I guess this is where the “real Trekkers” are.

Thanks, Sejal_Traurig–that’s what I call service!

Oh, and can I get a refill on my Diet Sprite?

104

Well, THAT makes you a “real” Trekker!

Note this apochryphal (or, at least, wildly innaccurate) quote from The Great Bird of the Galaxy himself, Gene Roddenberry:

“Wuss-ley Crusher? I hate that little pecker character! The only reason I wrote him in in the first place was because that fucklipped smeghead Wil Wheaton claimed he was my love child with that Janice Rand bitch, whoever the hell she was in real life, I don’t give a damn, really, and that he DNA evidence to back it up. Well, I slept with all of the female characters of the old show, and most of the males, to, so I figgerred I would put him in for a bit part. Then, that cock tease fag-boy toy Berman wrote all sorts of shows about him. JESUS! Well, we finally got the real deal about the DNA (he’s Shatner’s, the pig!) and I had him written out. Unfortunately, I died, and never got to see it. The reception up here in the afterlife sucks…”

Damn it! I can’t find the site I pulled that from… shit, shit, shit…

105

Definitely. I wanna see if the spots go all the way down.

DD

106

D’oh! I meant Dax’s spots, of course. She’d be a guest, right?

DD

107

Doing what??? Speculating? Geeking? Falling behind you in my post count?

108

Porthos mates with a modified Tribble.

109

As far as I can figure out, Tribbles are born pregnant.

110

That’s why I said “modified,” ya see? :wink:

111

Something wrong with your eye?

Oh… :smack:

112

My dear, you’re the one with the fahoozey eye. I just have epistaxis.*

*a rare blood disorder contracted in the Rura Penthe mines

113

Picard: “Why have you brought me here?!?”
ShirZan: “I was lonely.”

114

Shinzon. ?

“Why am I here? Because I was grading essays and they were making me sick. I have come for respite and any meds I can get.
Oh, and a cloned Mini-Viva to take over for me.”

115

Romulan Commander: He is an exact duplicate of you, Captain Picard, except 1/6 the size.

Picard: Excellent. I will call him “Mini-Picard” :smiley:

116

shizon: i need to masterbate, but don’t have any free hands…

117

I think we’ve crossed over into NC-17 by now, so why not?

118

NCC**-17**01 rating, I’d say. :wink:

119

I wish I had thought of that!

120

>Worf stood over Wesley’s nude body on the bed. “A Klingon boy of your age would have lived through that.”<

Vaginal borg technology that allows 7 of 9 to assimilate men that way. (mmmmmm…)

7 of 9 as a Dominatrix: “Resistance is useless, but appreciated.”

or a realistic depiction of someone rapidly decompressing in an airlock. That should do it.

Ryker: So they we’re all sucked out into space…
Data: “Blown out,” technically Sir.