I was going to have sex with my girlfriend the other night (we’re both virgins), and I could find her ‘hole’ with my fingers. However, I’ll be damned if I couldn’t get my penis inside. I even tried using my finger as a guide for my penis, but it didn’t work. Was she not lubed enough? Any advice for finding the way in? I’m supposed to look like I know what I’m doing.
ooo k?
I wouldn’t touch that question with a four-inch pole. 'Specially yours.
You’re not supposed to look like you know what you’re doing, you’re a virgin. Odds are some lube will take care of the problem (you can buy it at a drug store, usually next to the condoms which you are hopefully using). If not, ask her to help guide you in. Don’t try to have sex without being firmly erect – it’s normal to be nervous your first time, which may result in some erectile difficulties. Relax, don’t worry about impressing her with your natural prowess and take your time – you’ll be fine.
Not sure if I should do this, but:
If you are really going to do this, you have to do it right. She’s a virgin, dude. There is an actual physical barrier there - which is why you have to be careful and considerate and why a woman losing her virginity can actually be a big deal.
Google up “hymen” and figure out what you need to do from there - but be aware that the first time is NOT going to be a bed of roses for her.
Thanks bro.
You’re rushing the penetration part, dude. Particularly at first there is going to be some heavy-duty apprehension, now augmented with a dash of performance anxiety. Spend however long touching and kissing so everyone is relaxed. Generous ministrations with your tongue should also assist in making the lady feel comfortable. From that point, when she says, “Get up here” is time for entry. Let her take you and guide you in. This isn’t a rodeo ride-take your time and make it last beyond eight seconds. 
Brief way TMI timeline of my teenage years:
Getting near a ‘hole’ to actually working out where and what things vagulely were - 18 months
Getting from there to actually into a ‘hole’ - 2 years
From there to having sex - 6 months
You’ve plenty of time. You’re both virgins. Most of us here are jealous of your position 
. Have fun. If you’re not having fun, then you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. Talk to her. Admit you don’t know what you’re doing - hey, there’s girls who don’t fully know what to do, either (not many, mind ). Have some more fun. (Be safe 
)
Next time, travel a bit lower.
You were probably trying to put it in her belly button.
All kinds of references about how wildly inappropriate a metaphor that was, including something about their bed being the color of roses, as well as the movie American Beauty are running through my head.
I apologize if my humor was misconstrued. That joke works in the clubs; I’m truly sorry if you were offended.
OK. My personal religious beliefs are against this, but you don’t need pious lectures; your minds are already made up. Right? :dubious: If this is so, the best help you’re probably willing to accept is the following:
There is always the possibility that she’s got a very thick hymen (I know someone who did). If that happens to be true, it would explain why you couldn’t “get in.” The first time would/will be very painful for her. If so, she may form a negative attitude toward sex that could last a lifetime, or at least a very long time. I don’t think that’s fair to her, or to whomever her partner(s) might be, but mostly to her. Sex is the most fun that can be had by two people, once you know what you’re doing, and if done right. Soooo …
I suggest you and she go to her gynecologist - she’s got one, right? If she doesn’t, please find one. In the circumstances, she’ll probably be more comfortable seeing a woman GYN. The doctor can examine her and will then be able to tell you both what’s the deal. I recommend letting the doctor cut the hymen. That way there is certain to be less pain, and no chance of tearing.
The doctor will also be both willing and able to give you both good advice - separately, if you’re too embarassed to talk with her together. Look in the phone book for Planned Parenthood. If there are any big cities nearby (if there aren’t, I recommend that you find the closest one (usually, perhaps always, they have women doctors.). Since my knowledge is strictly second-hand, I’m not entirely sure.), they will have an office, and doctors. These doctors will do pelvic exams, advice about birth control, and even supply the means, after determining which is most suitable. Another attractive feature, if you’re not working full time, or don’t have a very good job: They will adjust fees based on ability to pay.
Whatever method is recommended, I suggest you buy a tube of K-Y Jelly at the drug store, and use it every time until you are both sure what you’re doing, and she is self-lubricating. BTW, some women never lube quite enough on their own. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not ready; it just means they need help to be sure they don’t get hurt.
Oh, yeah. You didn’t say how old you were, so I’m guessing - not very. If this is correct, you need someone you can talk to. I daresay that the doctor will be happy to help. Especially since you’re not married, I strongly encourage you both to get advice on how to NOT get her pregnant. Right?
First off, I want to say that if either of you is under 18, quit trying and wait until you’re both adults.
Secondly, use condoms every time. Even if she’s on the pill.
Thirdly, any time a woman becomes sexually active she needs to see a gynocologist.
OK, onto the nitty gritty. Others have sort of covered it but what it boils down to is a two-fold problem of a hymen plus muscular tension. The first just takes some work (and likely some pain) to get through. The anticipation of that pain will not help to alleviate the second problem at all, though. The only thing that will help with that is building trust, emotional bonding and intimacy. When she feels comfortable it will get easier. She may just not be ready quite yet.
Try some sort of “dry runs” without penetration. This can still be erotic and satsfying without creating the tension and anxiety of first penetration. Just let her get used to that first level of sexual intimacy until she feels comfortable about trying again. Lubrication is a good idea too.
And don’t feel too bad. The first time is horrible for everybody.
I completely disagree, so long as you’re not doing anything illegal. Just be sure to treat the situation as an adult would (despite the fact that many adults don’t). In conclusion, use protection.
Dude, I just want to cover my ass in case they turn out to be like 12 or something. 
Fair enough, fair enough. In that case, I completely agree
Never underestimate the fun to be had with a bottle of Southern Comfort and a high-powered rifle.
Or put another way,Getting near a ‘hole’ to actually working out where and what things vagulely were - 18 months
Getting from there to actually into a ‘hole’ - 2 years
From there to having sex - priceless
Nervousness can cause involuntary muscles lining the vagina to tense up - it’s called ‘vaginismus’ and it can result from performance anxiety, first-time jitters, etc. If you try to force your way in, it’ll hurt. Which will make the problem worse next time.
So, um, give her lots and lots of oral sex to loosen her up (never mind that you probably have no idea how to do that either), make sure you’re both into it, go slowly, and, you know, let it happen when it happens. Being too focused on penetration is just going to make getting there harder, and there’s a whole ton of fun things to do naked that don’t involve the whole penis and vagina thing.
Any ladies here ever struggle with vaginismus? Someone who could offer more relevant advice? Seeing as I don’t have a vagina and all . . .
I googled hymen and got some old jewish guy from Boca.
We are getting married next week.
Thanks SDMB!
What?