Is it too late to flirt?
…
[sub][crickets][/sub]
<chirp…chirp>[sub]
[/crickets][/sub]
Damn.
Awwww…poor thinksnow. hugs and winks
I’m sure you’ll find plenty of people to flirt with in Spiffled… 
Have you read–
::Scralden looks at the closed office door::
But I’m here as part of the nerd accommodation program,
for those of us who are romantically challenged as a
result of overriding fixation on science fiction.
Remember Scralden- next time write legibly
while you fill out the course selection sheet.
::Scralden wanders away looking to find out if he’s going
to be quizzed on chapters 6-12 of Time Pressure, when
he’s waylaid by Hardygrrl
MMmmm… ::breaks the kiss:: I… I- I can’t think of
anything right now except the sweet taste of your lips.
But don’t feel bad, you know what students can get up
to when not properly supervised. Could you?, maybe, not
supervise us more often? 
::Tygr wanders up to the door of Instructor TruePisces’s office. The door appears to be closed and the lights are off. Tygr realizes that, since we’re talking about TP here, that could mean that she’s in there enjoying herself. He sees a piece of paper posted on the wall nest to the door. It lists everyone’s final grades.::
Wait.
I can’t find my name!
::Tygr scribbles a note and slides it under the office door.::
<Note>Madame Instructor, I did not find my name on the final grade list. I hope I’ve not overlooked something and been given an “Incomplete”? I understood that you had been pleased with my progress. Did I make a mistake on that last test in your office?
Perhaps there is some sort of outside-the-class type of work I can do to get my grade back in the right. Do you need to see me working in the field? Maybe on a non-class participant? Please let me know; I’m beside myself not knowing if I’ve passed the course.</Note>
::Takes Scralden by the hand and leads him to her private office::
If I remember correctly you had offered me a massage…well looky here…a nice big desk and and a bottle of baby oil.
::Drops coat on floor and lays face down on desk as Scralden closes door behind him::
::TP wakes, disorientated. For some reason, she is on the bed in her office. It takes her a moment to remember that she was up late last night, completing the final grades for the course. She barely remembered finishing the grades and posting them. ‘I must have been too tired to drive home,’ she thinks to herself as she stretches the kinks out of her body that the deep sleep has produced. She’s grateful for the two week break between classes… she’ll finally have a chance to catch up on some of the things that she’s been neglecting. Of course, if she has more classes like the last one…::
::As she is walking toward her desk to check the time, she hears a noise behind her. She turns in time to see a white piece of paper being slipped under the door. Puzzled, she walks over and picks it up.::
::She recognizes the handwriting on the note from some of the coursework that she had been going over recently. Tygr!::
But I couldn’t have…
::A brief flash from last night’s grading comes to mind. Reading over Tygr’s written final. Remembering his final oral exam. Wanting to tell him something important before he saw the final exam grades posted…::
::She flies to the door in her bare feet, pulling it open quickly::
Tygr! Wait!
Hmm, ignored again. Congratulations, TruePisces, on a stunning recreation of my real-life flirting.
What, I missed…
reads back through quickly
DAMN!
That was not intentional.
Let’s see, where were we…
Well, if you want to know the truth, IRL, I’ve never told a man how eagerly I was awaiting the delivery of my erotic diving equipment!
Ok… let’s try it this way. You come up with the scenario you want to use… a particular situation or a particular circumstance where you think you’d have trouble. Then we’ll work it from there, ok?
[sub]Damn, I’m really gonna have to make this one up.[/sub]
dublos, I concur. I’ve seen her fieldwork. Classes passed, instructorship offered. I’ll call the builders and ask them to come out and add on a new wing. I have a feeling we may have several new instructors coming in with this round of graduates.
thinksnow, you haven’t missed the class, you’re just early for the next one. Take a seat, look over the syllabus and the instructors, and choose your course of study and who you would like to study under. We teach a multitude of flirting techniques. Or, if you’d like to just sit back and observe when the classes begin, you have that choice as well.
Glad to have you here…
Several hours later
whispered thank-you’s and replies made half in dreams
::Quietly this time, Scralden again closes the door to Hardygrrl’s office.
Yawning; he rubs the carpet print on the side of his
face::
Hope the busses haven’t stopped running,
Stretches out knotted and cramped muscles
I can’t wait to get home to my bed. Helluva lot more
comfortable a place to sleep than an office floor.
Note to self: thank TruePisces for making sure
all the offices have extra thick underpad and anti-rugburn
carpeting
Though it’s been FAR too long since anything that much fun
has happened there… 
::He softly plods down the hallway, hoping no one will
notice the way his clothes are clinging tight to his
body, or the oil stains which are starting to soak
through his t-shirt and jeans.::
Hmm, that doesn’t narrow it down very much. There was a very attractive clerk at my old grocery store, but anybody who can flirt in a conversation that begins with the words “paper or plastic” is clearly ready for an advanced degree in the subject.
All of which misses the point, slightly. The trick is that when I do say something flirtatious it tends to go completely unnoticed, which wouldn’t happen in a thread where you’re specifically looking for it. As a very wise man once wrote, the act of observing affects the observed. I need to figure out how to get someone’s attention in situations that aren’t tailor-made for it.
Not a bit. In fact, I was starting to regret my last post, it turned out much more sarcastic than I had intended.
Hmmm… that is a tough one. Sometimes, it’s quite possible that the girl is very shy and doesn’t quite know how to react. I had this problem for a very, very long time. (As a matter of fact, I still do. Unless I know the gentleman paying me the compliment very well, I usually blush and don’t say anything.) Along with the shy, as I think this through, there is also the possibility that the girl is attached. Again, something I suffer from when I don’t know the gentleman in question. For me, it’s always been a matter of “Well, I don’t want to say anything about being taken, because if he’s not flirting with me, then he’s going to think I’m a total fool who thinks everyone wants her.”
The best way, I think, is still the compliment. Compliment her on whatever attracted you to her in the first place. (Well, not WHATEVER. If you notice she has nice boobs, it’s probably not a good idea to say that! ) But if she has very long hair, you may want to say something like “You know, you have beautiful hair. How many years did it take you to grow it out that long?” Or if you over hear her talking about a book that you’ve read and enjoyed, say something to her like “I read that myself. I really like the way <insert author here> wrote about…” Conversation is the key.
Stores are often the best place to start up conversations/flirts. Because, at this stage, that’s pretty much what a flirt is. If you’re interested in someone and want to get to know them, you need to start by having a conversation with them. You’re in the music store, you see her buying a CD. Ask her about it. Book store, same thing. It even works in the grocery store. I’ve had a bag boy try to pick me up when I was buying a movie. He started the conversation by asking me about another movie and going on from there. By the time he got my groceries in my car, he asked me if I was dating anyone. I was at the time, but it actually started a very good friendship. You can use it for anything you’re buying (or she’s buying at the grocery store.) If you want to flirt with the checkout girl, ask her about something you’re buying… if she’s ever tried it before, if she’s heard compliments about it, whatever. It’s a good ice breaker to start up a conversation.
My best advice is to save the sexual innuendo for people you know. It may work for you in an untried situation, but it’s just as likely (ok, more likely) to backfire.
No, I do. You pointed out a major foible on my part. I’ve been doing my best to make sure everyone’s questions get answered and no one gets ignored. And I failed miserably in that. So I do have to make this up. If not to you, to myself.
::walks out of office with a satisfied grin,still glisteming faintly from the baby oil.::
And you’re welcome Scralden. You have passed the course with flying colors.
True Pisces…Just here to remind you I will be unable to take on any students until Monday…today I have the wedding and tomorrow is the private seminar with one of the other professors.
But Monday hardygrrl will be back…make your reservations now.
Since we appear to have graduated all our female students who have applied for the tutorial, I’ll chime in on a slightly more instructional tone agreeing with what TruePisces wrote. Not because she didn’t hit it dead on (she did… the lady’s good!) but because sometimes hearing the same thing phrased differently helps clarify things.
There is a vast difference between flirting with someone you know (even as an aquaintence) than flirting with someone you’ve never met. Add to that, there are situations where flirting (as social activity) is expected (out at a club/bar/social event) and situations where the person you want to flirt with isn’t likely to even thinking about meeting someone, for that matter flirting with them (shopping, walking down the street, at work).
In either of these types of situations, your best move is to start by being friendly, with no, or the lightest possible flirtation. A key element that TruePisces gave a wonderful example of is what I term as buffering… even a simple, low warmth compliment like “you have beautiful hair” can fluster a person if you leave it at that. If you buffer that compliment with a related, non flirtatious comment like “How many years to did it take to grow out that long?” you have given the person an easy question to answer. That allows them to fill time while they get over the fact someone just complimented them. (Hey, if you can take a compliment, even like that one, out of the blue without even breaking strike you’re more of a together person than I am).
Be prepared at this point. While your comment created a ready made response for them, their response is unlikely to give you any help for what to say next. That does not mean they aren’t interested. It means they blurted something out while their brain unfroze, but unless they are real quick they are still catching up. Try and come up with a follow up question.
When trying to start a relationship, even a friendship, the beginning is unbalanced. Don’t expect them to keep up their end of the deal, because in the beginning there is no “deal” so it’s not fair. All the work is yours, they are not obligated to give you a clue that they are receptive to your friendship or more. The may not know yet.
Do not try and look for fairnes and balance until a friendship has been established.
One last thing to keep in mind. If you are in a situation you know you will see them again, don’t go for broke the first time. You’ve still scored points on sucessfull flirting if all you do is exchange two or three comments with them. Go for a little more next time, and be sensitive to time pressure of the situation. If you’re flirting with a clerk at a store, be aware of the number of customers waiting for their attention.
-Doug
All very well put, TruePisces (and dublos), but it sounds like exactly what I’ve been doing. With one possible exception; I’ve never been able to speak for effect rather than content. I can only ask a woman a question if I’m interested in the answer, even if I’m interested in her as well. To do it the other way around would feel totally disingenuous. I actually am interested in a great many things, but I tend toward the esoteric.
How did you know he was trying to pick you up? My best case study is a woman I worked with a few years ago. I gave her flowers on Valentine’s Day and invited her to see a play. She said yes, so I made the reservations, then she sent me an e-mail asking me to reserve a third ticket so she could bring a date. There just seems to be some point where you have to make an actual impression on someone that I’m missing the knack for, in real life and online.
All of which is more venting than really pursuing the OP. Whatever it is I’m asking is either too subtle to answer or just my own personal neurosis. Always appreciate the chance to talk, though.
Well, the fact that he asked me out when we got done putting the groceries in my car was the first clue.
IMO, the co-worker of yours was incredibly dense. That is one of those “sit on their lap and kiss them and tell them you want them” kind of signals. And asking if she could bring a date, if she wasn’t being dense, is just rude. Flowers and an invitation to a play, unless from a very good, or very married friend of the opposite gender (or same if that’s your preference and theirs), is a flirt. It is an invitation to spend time getting to know one another one on one and see what, if any, attraction may lie there. Bringing a date along to such an event is the ultimate in crass. (Next thing you know, we’ll have a “TruePisces Manners” thread! )
Any time, and I’ll keep trying to help, if you’d like.
It’s really hard to come up with what might help IRL when you can’t see someone in action. Words can only convey so much. I wish I could tell you “Do this, and you’ll have women falling at your feet.” or “Say that and the woman of your dreams will come running in to your arms.” But I’m not that good. There are times I wish flirting were more a science than an art. It would make it easier to teach. But it’s not.
Maybe I SHOULD look into teaching a class like this at one of the DopeFests, once I move. [sub]If I get drunk enough ;)[/sub]
But, Robot Arm, if you do want to talk about this more, ask more questions… whatever, feel free to. Either here or in e-mail. I’m open for either.
Yes, yes, YES.
So what you need to do is find something in your wide and varied interests that you can key off of. Your genuine interest or lack there of will come through in your tone and mannerism. On the other hand, it’s also perfectly OK to be disingenuous, if you are honest and up front about it. Ok, so you don’t really care how long it took the long haired beauty to grow her hair that long. You can still make good use of the line by saying it in a friendly, but slightly exagerated tone, with a friendly smile on your face. This helps to indicate that while the compliment part of what you’re saying is genuine, the question is just there as a social convention to allow conversation to take place.
Feigning interest that isn’t here and actually trying to make them believe you are genuinly interested is a bad idea, it will be noticed and not appreciated.
Being honest and up front that you’re just exercising a social mechanism to make getting to know one another easier on the other hand is valid (though no where near as powerful as finding something you are genuinely interested in to key off of).
That said, be sure to be attentive to her answer. Even if what the answer is doesn’t interst when you ask the question, their answer may give you something to work with that does interest you.
-Doug
She was not being rude. She genuinely did not realize I was asking her for a date. And she was never quite that dense when other guys asked yer out, in fact, last I heard she was married. I think it’s just an example (admittedly, my most extreme one) of my ability to operate under everyone’s radar, so to speak.
“Sincerity is the key. Once you learn to fake that, you’ve got it made.”
I’ve never been able to think that way.
::As he is rounding the corner at the end of the hall, Tygr hears the sweet sound of TruePisces’s voice calling after him. He smiles inwardly and turns back towards her office. He sees her there, leaning back against the door frame in her bare feetsub[/sub], looking stunning even after just awakening. The slit in the side of her night gown reveals a jaw-dropping glimpse of her upper thigh. He gasps and tries not to gape like a teenager.::
“Yes?”
Just dropped in tom say hi!
So, TP, it looks like you are preparing to hand out BA’s in Flirting soon!
Congratulations to the sweet professor!
slurp mm still as delicious